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Resolved! (Is it even possible for me to be better?)

Good Old Dr Tim has come to your rescue and jotted down some ideas for 2011.  Give them a shot…

Resolutions for the New Year:

1. Enjoy myself more. 

How can I enjoy myself more?  Well, as the old song says, “Masturbation can be fun!”  Really, if you are single, partnered or married a little bit of self-love is a wonderful thing.  After all, how can you direct your lover to your most sensitive erogenous zones if you don’t know where they are located?  Let your hands roam your body, do it in front of the mirror, with your eyes closed however you like, but leave no inch of skin untouched.  Discover what a light touch vs a heavy touch does for you.  Ah, the things you will discover!  While you are at it, get a nude full body massage.  Personally, my favorite bits of a full body massage are my head and my feet.  Who knew?

2. Enjoy others more.

Take the time to pay very close attention to your partner and loved ones.  Just like you, there are probably things they would enjoy if they knew about them.  Give them a slow sensuous massage and see where it leads.  Pay attention to those out-of-the-way spots and build up the sensations.  Tease, tease, tease, tease some more, then taste.  Unbelievable!  They go nuts!

3. Try new things.

Buy lots and lots of sex toys sold by Doc Johnson!  Do it!  (Remember?  I work there.  ‘Nuff said.)  I have it on excellent authority that the Pocket Rocket is magic!  (I use one too…)

Seriously, try new things.  Share a book, video, sex toy catalog (hint, hint) with your lover.  Talk openly and as honestly as possible about new adventures.  Back door?  Yours or hers? Check out my archives.  There is an excellent article about strap-ons (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/08/29/strap-it-on/), anal sex (https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/04/30/interesting-question-caution-naughtiness-ahead/), the clitoris (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/), premature ejaculation (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/12/22/premature-ejaculation-what-too-soon/) and more!

4. Open yourself to love and forgiveness.

And start with yourself.  Nobody is rougher on me than I am.  My dear, dear friend Taylor opened my eyes though.  Once I forgave myself for my shortcomings and began to like myself better, well everything changed.  My eating habits got better, I slept better, I exercise more, weight is falling off of me too.  That woman probably saved my life.  Love you!  So scoff if you like, but it really can help.  And when you are open to love, you are open for business.  A good positive vibe is very sexy and draws people into your circle.  Several of them would probably love to sleep with you too!  Saddle up!

5. Talk to someone.

It is a wonderful thing to be open up and express yourself without fear of recrimination.  Freedom never tasted so good.  You are not alone in your thoughts.  Hopefully your partners can do this with you.  If not, do you have a friend with whom you can discuss anything?  A therapist?  Or an unshockable group of warm caring folks?  (Check out my Blogroll.  One of the world’s best is there.  I’m looking at you Dr. Suzy!)

6. Summing up.

To quote a fictional character from a book, when asked to explain the universe he said, “It’s a funny old world.”

So relax, open up, enjoy yourself more and you will see that you didn’t really have to change much at all.  2011 looks like it is going to be another wild ride.  So buckle up, grab some condoms, sex toys from Doc Johnson and full speed ahead!

And if you don’t find your favorite fetish discussed or have a question, write to me!  We can also go into greater detail about older posts.  I’ll answer your question and will probably dedicate a post to it.  My email address is: drtim@quantumcogitation.com

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Premature Ejaculation (What, too soon?)

I’ll try to keep this short.

Folks, have you ever been in a sexual situation where the game was over before the coin toss decided?  Then you may have had an experience with premature ejaculation.  What does that really mean?

Premature ejaculation is when a man has an orgasm sooner than he or his partner would like.  If it just happens once in a while, that is fairly normal and reciting baseball scores or thinking of Aunt Martha’s arm fat may slow you down just enough.  However, if it a regular occurance, you may want to look into the issue.

Folks used to think that premature ejaculation was purely a psychological problem, but modern medicine has determined that there are physical causes as well.  Let’s take a quick look at it.  First, there is no medical standard as to how long a man should last before orgasm.  The largest indicator is that orgasming too soon causes distress or concern between partners.  But remember, there doesn’t have to be a partner.  You can also experience premature ejaculation during masturbation.  The question is, “Does it bother you?”

There are many possible causes.  Psychologically, perhaps you have established a mental pattern which could include having to rush to orgasm to avoid being caught or feelings of guilt over sex.  Yes, you can train your body to respond through repeated actions or thoughts.  So please, be nice to yourselves.

Biologically, it could be caused by abnormal hormone levels, abnormal levels of neurotransmitters, abnormal reflex activity of the ejaculatory system, thyroid, inflammation or infection of the prostate or urethra or unspecified inherited traits.  So it could be a combination of problems, or a single source.  Current thought leans towards a single source if this has been a lifelong problem.  Of course this can all be complicated by impotence (we’ll talk about this later), stress, medication or health problems.

When should you seek help?  If you are unhappy, talk to your doctor!  I cannot stress enough that your doctor has heard it all before and can help.  Don’t fear the MD!  Are there some things you can try before going to the doctor?  Sure!

Try the Squeeze Technique.  Begin sexual contact as normal.  If it feels like you are going to ejaculate, have your partner squeeze your penis right where the head meets the shaft until the feeling goes away.  It should only be several seconds.  Then continue.  Don’t worry if you go a little soft.  Simba will be up for the challenge as soon as sexual activity resumes.  Repeat as necessary, soon you may be able to control the feelings without squeezing.

Squeeze 101

Squeeze 101

Or…

You could masturbate an hour or two before sex.  The second orgasm almost always take longer to reach.  (Which reminds me of a joke:  A man picks up a sex worker for a paid encounter.  After she disrobes she sees him in the corner masturbating furiously.  She asks him why and he replies, “For $100 you’re not getting the easy one!”)  Or as a couple, you can decide not to have intercourse every time and focus on other sexual activities which may relieve some of the performance anxiety.  It may also help you feel more comfortable in your sexuality as well.

My friend Karinna Kittles-Karsten (www.sacredlove.com) is a strong believer in Sexual Toning.  She is brilliant.  Check out her website, you’ll thank me for it someday.  But don’t forget to thank her too.  Here is how she describes Sexual Toning:  Note: if you have a urinary tract infection, consult a physician before attempting.  1. Come into a squat position with your heels turned in slightly.  Elbows between your knees, bring hands into a prayer position. 2. Inhale and contract the small muscular area between your anus and genitals. 3. Exhale and relax the muscles. Repeat nine times to start.  When you become comfortable, work up to 3-4 sets a day.

Work those PC Muscles!

Work those PC Muscles!

You can also work this area sitting at your desk.

Then we have topical medications.  There is a category of Over the Counter Drugs (OTC) called Male Genital Desensitizers.  These can be creams, gels or sprays usually containing benzocaine or lidocaine.  These are sprayed/massaged on the head of the penis, under the head in particular.  After a few moments, there will be a mild numbing effect.  This will theoretically delay the physical sensations that lead to premature ejaculation.  Be sure to use it five minutes or so before engaging in intercourse.  After all, we just want to slow ourselves down, not numb our partner, right?  These products can be found in drugstores, on-line and in high class adult emporiums.  Male Genital Desensitizers are recognised drugs that are regulated by the FDA.  Only FDA registered OTC manufacturers can produce them.  Your penis is serious business and believe it or not, the US Government wants to protect it!

This is a drug folks!

This is a drug folks!

(Say, Topco Sales and Basic Solutions are FDA registered OTC manufacturers!  What a lucky coincidence.)

So, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, you do not have to suffer alone.  Talk to your partner, talk to your doctor, get yourself in better physical shape, increase your sexual repertoire, use a topical product for those precious extra minutes.  You are a stallion.  Never forget that.

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