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Q&A Day! (or, Too Lazy to Summon a Topic)

Morning Troops!

It is a beautiful Monday morning out here in Southern California.  I understand there may be a bit of rain Out East, but try to stay dry and warm now.  You hear?

So many questions!  I do believe that it is time to address a few of them and undress the askers.

Q1. Are sex toys actually useful or are they something to hide behind?

A. Sex toys are very useful.  They can help folks expand their sexual repertoire, help them understand desires and assist them score some really great orgasms!  Sex toys can help build the trust between couples and get single people through the night.  Can you hide behind them?  Well I’ve seen some pretty big toys, but none to hide behind!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells sex toys for all tastes, desires and needs.  If you need a substitute cock, call the Doc!)

Q2. What about lubricants?

A. Deary, deary me!  Lubricants are very helpful and fun!  (remember, I make them, Doc Johnson sells them!)  Lubricants help folks that want to add different flavors to their favorite partner, lubricate orifices that do not naturally lubricate themselves and are a must when inserting oversize objects or fists.  I recommend that you always keep a bottle or two on hand for just such an emergency.  When my son was younger, the wife and I would put it on the doorknob.  Made it tough for him to turn…

Q3. Can you make semen taste like chocolate?

A. Working on it.  If I do, my next blog will be sent from an as of yet undesignated island.

Q4. Do you always think about sex?

A. Well, yes.  My job is thinking of ways to enhance your sexual experience.  And then turn it into a real thing.  Not everyone needs or wants these items, but they are incredibly important to others.  Your satisfaction is my business.

Q5. WHich is better for a quickie, oral or anal sex?

A. Dr Tim does not do quickies.  If you do not have a couple of hours to play, don’t start with me.  However, oral sex is pretty darn good for a quickie.  But then again, so is anal or even regular intercourse.  There is no best or better.  Only you and your partner know what will work for you.  Whatever happened to a good old handie now and then?

Q6. Why are strap-ons so popular these days?

A. Beats me!  I guess that more and more people are open to the pleasures derived from them.  More men have discovered the pleasures of prostate massage and more women have discovered the joy of helping.  Of course many same-sex couples use strap-ons as well.  Is there anything a strap-on can’t do?  Oh yeah, it cannot get you pregnant.

Q7. What about chemicals?

A. What about them?

Q8. Are the chemicals used in sex toys, lubricants and cosmetics bad for you?

A. From the top: Everything is a chemical.  Water, air, fruit, flowers, everything.  There are only so many elements that we know about in this world and they make up everything.

Q9. Phthalates or parabens ring a bell?

A. Yes.  And although many phthalates have been banned around the world, science has not shown any danger from the most popular.  They were banned by emotion, not science.  Parabens also have a sixty year history of safe use, but they have been taken out of many products due to the public which would rather demand things than learn about them.  You forgot to mention BPA.  It is in every canned good you have ever purchased.  Relax a little.  Scientist do not want to poison, you, hurt you or kill you.  If we did, who would buy our products?  By the way, Doc Johnson does not use phthalates and parabens are being phased out.

Q10. How many licks does it take?

A. Ask Lil’ Kim.

Q11. You think you’re so smart!  Why did you pick the Detroit Tigers in the World Series?

A. Shut up.

Well, we are out of time folks!  Keep those cards, letters, emails and dirty pictures coming in!

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Seriously Though (or, Not Funny or Sexy, but Important)

I am a scientist.

For many people, “scientist” is a bad word.  After all, don’t we as evil scientists try our best to destroy the planet in every movie, television show, novel, etc.?

Trust me.  If we wanted the world destroyed, it would already be gone.

And I am an older scientist.  One who remembers the “Good Old Days” before we were hampered with so many laws, rules and regulations.  When I was a Baby Scientist, we could pretty much do whatever we wanted with impunity.  Now we have governments telling us what and what cannot use when they have very little grasp of basic chemistry.

We didn’t always know what we were doing, but hey!  We made penicillin, cured rabies, fought off many diseases while creating products to make life easier for you.

But that doesn’t mean everything that we can do, should be done.

Let me rephrase that.  It doesn’t mean that everything we can do (and we did) should be told to the public.

CALM DOWN!

Let me give you two recent examples in the OTC/Cosmetic world.

1) It was discovered that using coral scientists created a new sunscreen.   Should it have been tried?  Yes.  Absolutely.  Should we have told the public?  NO!  After all, as scientists, we want to know everything about everything.  That means trying stuff that would never occur to non-scientists.  The world’s coral reefs are in danger.  And they are a very important part of the aquatic ecosystem.  I do not nor will I ever advocate the decimation of the coral reefs for the production of sunscreen.  It is not necessary.  That product would have to do something pretty darn impressive to make it worth risking life in the oceans.

So why did they tell us?  It was an attempt to attract additional funding.  Research needs money to happen.  I used to work for a company on the East Coast.  We had several divisions: liposomes, hyaluronic acid, biotechnology and cosmetics.  I may have forgotten a few, but you get the idea.  I was in charge of the OTC/Cosmetic R&D branch.  The other department heads would give me grief about working in a “soft” science.  They were trying to make medical breakthroughs to save humanity and I was making herbal shampoo.

My herbal shampoo was responsible for their funding.  That’s right.  They would never had been able to afford one fermentation tank, one HPLC or even a beaker without the sales from my products.  “Soft” science indeed.

2) New anti-ageing benefits utilizing fluid from the umbilical cord!  Why?  Way back in the day, we used amniotic fluid in skin care.  Everyone, except perhaps the French, have stopped.  There is no need to exploit childbirth to obtain materials for reducing wrinkles.  Plus today, any product using a chemical of human origin requires an HIV warning.

That’ll sell cosmetics!

OK, so we are all doing research and trying to advance the human condition.  Is it all pretty?  No.  Is it all beer and skittles?  Not even close.  Do we still undertake personal risk?  Yes.  Every day.  There is not one product that comes out of my lab that I would not use myself.  And I test every single product we make in my lab.  All of them.

You do not want to hear about the products that failed.  Not every experiment is a winner.  Nor should you even know about them.  You want the winners.  Not the runner-ups.

So things happen in labs all around the world that can be a bit hinky.  We want to hear how you cured cancer and do not want to hear everything you had to go through to do it.  All these experiments lead to greater knowledge.

With great knowledge comes great responsibility.