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Vacation! (or Did you miss me?)

Believe it or not, I took a vacation last week.  No, really!  I was not in my laboratory for nine days.  Nine long, empty, meaningless days…

Actually I had a grand time.  It was my first vacation in four years and my third in the last twelve years.  It seems like I take a week off every four years or so.

So what did I do?  Things that would make the Marquis de Sade jump up on a chair and go “Eeek!”

Well, I’m sure that someone would.  I spent two days travelling.  It was nice to see the green fields and blue skies of the Midwest again.  You know, they have air that can be seen through almost all of the time.  Then I came home to study.

Yes you read that correctly, I came home to study.  I was buried in quantum theory, chemistry, mathematics and porn.

A person needs to stay sharp and up-to-date with the latest and greatest theories and inventions.  Who wouldn’t want to unravel the theories of time and the universe while experiencing mind-blowing orgasms?  Somehow I find that climaxing while learning brings me to an amazing brain-gasm.  Nothing like a good cum to fix things in your brain.  The universe seems to open itself up to me during sex.  (Now you understand why I call my Lady Friends, “My World, My Universe.”)

Here you thought I ignored my studies to do a lot of screwing around!  Nonsense.  As serious students, we always recited our class notes during sex.  In fact, that is the main reason people like the dirty talk in the bedroom.  Have you ever said anything naughty that your partner forgot?  Nope, they remember every last thing you said in bed and try to hold you to it.  A lot of jewelry gets sold that way.

Did you know that two people can squeeze into an orgone box?  They can!  If you can have sex in an airplane bathroom, you can make it in an orgone box!  Although that isn’t the point.  One of these days I promise that I will write a blog about Wilhelm Reich.  His work is fascinating.

Back to my vacation!  Out of nine, I had seven days of Science, Sex and Ice Cream.  Hmm, Seven of Nine does make me think about Science, Sex and Ice Cream, although not in that exact order.

However, serious study needs a serious study group.  How fortunate that I know such a group who could really help me concentrate on my studies.  Anything that could happen, did happen!  There were tons of official Doc Johnson toys and lubes which everyone shared to their hearts’ content.  There were strap-ons, oral sex, anal, sex, vaginal sex, armpit sex, straight, gay, trans, couples, singles and more!  Best smorgasm-borg ever!  We really got into some interesting experiments of spacial geometry and I do believe we defied the laws of physics and anatomy more than once.  How many dimensions do we occupy during orgasm?

You would have to see the film to believe it!  But until I star on a reality show, you will probably never have a chance to see it, unless someone posts clips on the internet.  Don’t be a pirate!  Buy your porn!  Somehow the idea of sex tapes going viral seems wrong to me.

So what or who did you do on your summer vacation?  Feel free to send me cards, letters, pictures or video!  Even a postcard would be nice…

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Real Men Do Cry (Never Forget…)

To Absent Friends...

Where was I that day?  I was in bed.  I was laid off and feeling sorry for myself.  My phone rang and someone asked me if I heard the news?  “Who cares,” I said, “same old, same old.”  I turned the TV on after they hung up on me.

I saw, I heard, I got my ass out of bed and went to the blood bank.  Then I maxed out my credit cards sending what I could to those who needed it.  Needless to say, I no longer felt sorry for myself  I was in shame of my selfishness.

From that day forward, mankind has been my business.  I don’t give till it hurts, I give till it’s gone.  I am a religious man.  And I pray every night for strength and guidance to go forward, helping whomever I can.  And I can’t save everyone.  And I thank G-d for all of the unsung heroes who put their lives on the line for others.  The work is never-ending and the burden is great.  We need everyone to help.

Never forget.  Never stop trying to end Hell on earth.  I love you all and there is nothing you can do about it.

Tip Your Waitress Folks (or Looks Do Matter, Sometimes…)

Happy Friday Everyone!

I read an interesting paper (Gueguen, N. Jacob, C., Enhanced female attractiveness with use of cosmetics and male tipping behavior in restaurants, J. Cosmet. Sci., 62, 283-290) today that talks about how the use of makeup seems to increase the tips a waitress can collect.

Apparently they did a study that concludes that female waitresses that wear makeup vs. those that do not wear makeup tend to collect larger tips from male customers.

Can you say, “DUH!”  I knew that you could.

But let’s take a quick look at the ramifications of the study.  According to the study, this was conducted in a laboratory setting.  That will upset some people since they believe that if it isn’t happening in the “real” world, that it doesn’t count.  Well folks, guess what?  Conducting a laboratory trail is the very first step in a field of study.  Scientists that tend to rush right out into the public with an idea are usually labeled extremist or insane and often get a punch in the nose.

Next, the waitresses were instructed to act the same way whether wearing makeup or not.  Again, any study that uses real people has a wild variable in it.  Think of yourself or any woman you know.  Do they act the same with or without makeup?  Not too many that I know.  So there is going to be some give and take on this facet.

During the series of experiments, the same waitress made more money when she wore makeup as opposed to the less she made when she didn’t.  The only difference was the use of makeup.  The service, food and actions were the same.  What does that tell you?

Bottom line: Men tend to give more money to women that they find more desirable.  Or attractive.

It may be sexist or it may be in our genes to provide for the most desirable mate.  I can’t wait for further studies to be published.

And you thought we only stared at your boobs…