Cock Rings (or Heavy Metal for Your Junk)

Cock rings.  Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing.  (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)

What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?

A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region.  You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out.  So what’s the point?

It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer.  Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction.  You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up.  If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.

Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package.  It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian.  You should see the way the veins pop up.  Textured for her pleasure indeed.

But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal.  They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten.  But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.

1. Make sure you get a proper fit.  If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit.  Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them.  But metal cock rings are not for beginners.  Grab your junk and a tape measure.  Not the one from your toolbox!  The cloth one from her sewing kit.  (Or yours, I don’t judge.  Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…)  If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis.  You know, where she grabs you to get your attention.  Make it snug, but not tight.  Take that measurement and divide by 3.14.  This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.

HA!  Made you do geometry!  You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference.  And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size.  Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water.  STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!

So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through.  Told you to do it soft, didn’t I?  Get ready to Unchain Your Beast!  (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)

2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what?  Time to get hard.  It will feel rather strange at first.  Like someone has a tight grip on you.  Relax, it’s all good.  Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine.  You are a stallion, baby!  Don’t ever forget it!

However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes.  It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage.  And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (, gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation!  Now that would suck.  So pay attention.

3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation.  Go to the doctor!  And take the ring with you.

Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily.  Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection.  These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist.  Metal cock rings are not for beginners.

4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes.  Don’t risk your life for a fuck.  Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!

5. Be careful with your partner.  Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth.  Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring.  They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing.  Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes.  Trust me.

What else can a cock ring do for you?  Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing.  Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint.  You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson.  We have something for everybody!

Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings.  They really bring an extra dimension into your love life.  Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons!  (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!)  Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.

As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…

Erotic Spitting (or How Is It Raining in the Bedroom?)

Today I was having lunch with a beautiful, dusky-complexioned woman who was telling me about her weekend.  Let me tell you, this woman was HOT!  Think of Salma Hayek in Frida.  HOT!  And she was telling me about stretching naked in the sun before settling in the jacuzzi with her morning mimosa.  I love this woman.

Then she told of an encounter she had recently where her male friend kept spitting on her.  Interesting concept.  I asked if he was doing it for added lubrication (as I scolded her for not having her Official Doc Johnson Personal Lubricants handy!)  And she said it wasn’t for lubrication.  He was taking mouthfuls of water and spraying it over her chest.  I mentioned that I would love to spray something over her chest, and she touched my hand while doing the woman’s “You Aren’t Getting Any” laugh saying, “Oh Tim…”

But she touched my hand so I still have a shot.  (I’m a Guy. We always believe we have a shot at any one we desire.  Men are just like that.)

So spitting.  Interesting concept.  Let’s take a look at it.

Now spitting, in a BDSM context makes sense to me.  There are quite a few people into giving and taking erotic humiliation.  They get off on having someone tell them that they are pitiful excuses for human beings and how crawling should be their preferred mode of transport.  And there are those that get turned on by doing that to people.  Divorce lawyers for example.  It is meant to be demeaning and dehumanizing during a scene.  “You dirty little worm.  Take that”  *spit* *slap*  “Now clean it up!”  Very reminiscent of Golden Showers.  (Another topic for another day.)

Not for everyone.  But it clearly delineates the line between the Top and Bottom.  Female to male or Male to female doesn’t really matter.  However, they weren’t doing a BDSM scene.  This was your normal end of the bed, flat on her back, Feet in the air while he stood and played for par.  So why would he be spitting on her?

My first thought is that he watches too much porn.  Not that there is such a thing as too much porn, but if you are watching it on your cell phone in church, you may want to address the issue.  It is very common in porn today to see a lot of spitting.  She is performing a blowjob, pulls back, spits on his dingledorfer and then starts sucking again.  Or he does that while licking her bajingo.  Could be lube.  Or they could just be showing how hot and bothered they are and how committed they are to getting their freak on.

Or, as a very sexy blonde with major boobage suggested, perhaps it was an attempt at sensation play.  She could envision being very worked up, burning with desire and seeing an arch of liquid jet out to splash coldly on her nipples.  Yep, she had my undivided attention right then…  How about doing some snow-fucking and spraying hot cocoa over your partner.  The whole idea is opposite sensations to increase pleasure.  I will be spending more time with this Lady.  There may be a thing or two that she can teach Ol’ Dr Tim.

Besides, after a really great sexual encounter, aren’t you covered with all kinds of body fluids everywhere?  So what’s a little spit?  Some folks will never like it, some will just go with the moment but others will get a thrill and go back for more.

Be good.  Be safe.  No spitting, spanking or humiliating unless you are both/all are into it.

Party on!

Sexual Orientation – Part I

People are who they are.

You are who you are.

Get over it.

Much more to come in Part II…

Priapism (or: How Long is Too Long?)

Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart.  Priapism.

So what is Priapism?  Why is that a bad thing?

Priapism is when the penis or clitoris remains erect for four or more hours with no physical or psychological stimulation.  This is not a good thing.  Believe it or not, priapism can lead to permanent erectile dysfunction, meaning that if it is not treated quickly, the damage caused may prevent you from ever attaining a natural erection again!

There are two types: High flow and low flow.  High flow is rather uncommon and involves a ruptured artery which caused the blood to flow into your penis.  It is like a garden hose where the pressure never relents.  Low flow is when the blood flows into the penis, but cannot get back out.

Causes:  Drug use both prescription and illegal, blood disease like sickle-cell anemia, blood clots, injury to the area, even poisonous venom from a scorpion or black widow spider.

Treatments:  Ice packs, pharmaceuticals and inserting a needle to remove the blood.  That does not sound like any fun at all!

So really, if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, get to the Emergency Room!  Do not risk it.  Cases of pripism with women are possible, but most uncommon.  This is basically a guy thing.

However, there is a major difference between priapism and being a Marathon Sled Dog like Dr Tim!

I am not bragging (OK, I am) but my record sack time was ten and a half hours.  Sure stopping for lunch and a shower made it more like ten hours, but I’m keeping the half.

It is not uncommon for men to be able to last an eternity in the sack, but it is also not always welcome.  If I had a nickel for every time a woman asked me, “Through yet?” I would easily have a dollar and a half today.  Guys, she may want you to last longer, but not all night!  She’s got other stuff to do besides you.  Saying that “We are going to do it all night long!” is a much different reality than actually doing it all night long.  There is chafing, body odors, stiff necks and all sorts of things that are not pretty.

Some of you are going to want to know how to last that long.  Here are a couple of secrets.  Masturbate.  A lot.  You will get so used to your hand with kung-fu grip that the clench of a normal vagina or rectum will not give you the stimulation you need to orgasm.  Not sure how that could be fun.  Another includes body modification, so I think I will not explain it.  Although this may have something to do with my personal longevity.  Which is a pretty interesting story.  We should discuss it someday during the afterglow.

Some guys can do it psychologically.  Train yourself not to orgasm because orgasm equals babies.  Still wear a condom though, pre-cum has sperm in it too.  Then when you get close, back off, give her some face until the feeling passes.  If I deny the first orgasm, I can go just shy of forever.  But make sure that your partner is a willing participant or it may end badly for you.  I had a woman break up with me because she claimed I was faking orgasm.  This woman would cry if she could not get me to cum quickly, so I started faking it.  Funny thing is, the time she accused me of faking it, I hadn’t.  So make sure to keep it real.

Now some of us are just not meant to be marathon men.  Don’t worry about it.  Dr Tim has an answer for you.  Use some of Doc Johnson’s Prolong Male Genital Desensitizer.  Just a dab under the head and you will increase your sack time.  And who knows?  Maybe after a while you won’t need it any more.

So how long is too long?

If you dick doesn’t go down after four hours and you haven’t been playing – run to the doctor.

If you are a marathon sled dog – it’s over when she says it’s over.  Make sure she is happy and just maybe she will stick around to finish you off.