Women or, I love you, stay healthy!

I’m baaack!

Today is February 3rd, or Wear Red Day promoting heart health for women.  Serious stuff!  Now you can skip my rambling and go to http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ByAudience/ForWomen/WomensHealthTopics/ucm117974.htm and check it out for yourself.

For your convenience, you can find the information in 18 different languages here: http://www.fda.gov/ForConsumers/ByAudience/ForWomen/FreePublications/ucm126287.htm

There are four basic tenets:

  1. Eat a heart healthy diet.  Basically low salt/sodium, limit trans fats and cut back on sugar.  Stuff we all know how to do, but rarely practice.  (Guilty!)
  2. Manage your health conditions.  If you have high cholesterol, blood pressure, diabetic problems.  Get on the wagon and take care of them.  These can lead to heart problems.  Take your medications and follow your doctor’s advice.
  3. Get the facts about aspirin.  Taking a daily aspirin for preventing heart attacks and strokes is not right for everyone.  So talk to your doctor.  That way you can dial in the appropriate dosage, etc.  And remember to remind them of any other medications you are taking.  I know your doctor should know, but we cannot remember everything all the time.
  4. Know the signs of a heart attack.  Men and women can have different symptoms, so be sure you go over the links I posted above.  Also, check out this video that Elizabeth Banks did a few years ago.  She had a heart attack in real life.  https://youtu.be/t7wmPWTnDbE

Fine.  That’s under your chest.  Now let’s go downstairs.  (I am great at foreplay!)

Pelvic Inflammatory Disease: An estimated 2.5 million women have an often symptomless infection of the urinary tract that can lead to infertility and lasting abdominal pain.  The infection can be cured however, if left untreated long enough, the physical damage may be permanent.  PID is a complication of a previous sexually transmitted disease or STD.  https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/66/wr/mm6603a3.htm

Yes, we are talking about everybody’s friends chlamydia and gonorrhea.  Around 1.5 million cases of chlamydia and 400,000 cases of gonorrhea were reported in 2015.  That’s reported, and we know that not everyone reports their health situations.  Here’s the thing: these diseases often do not show symptoms and can go undiagnosed and untreated.  Now if that leads to PID:

“Pelvic inflammatory disease symptoms may include persistent abdominal pain, fever, abnormal vaginal discharge, or pain or bleeding during sexual intercourse.  PID poses long-term hazards such as infertility, chronic pelvic pain and ectopic pregnancy. Ectopic pregnancies occur when an embryo implants in the fallopian tube instead of the uterus.

No single test can diagnose PID, so doctors often rely on symptom reporting. But PID often doesn’t cause symptoms. “That’s one of the scariest things because you may not know it’s even happening,” she said.”  https://medlineplus.gov/news/fullstory_163399.html

Your background doesn’t matter.  If you are sexually active, get tested every year or as often as your insurance will pay for it.  (Adult actors test every month!)  Because the more active you are with different partners, the bigger your risk.  Make sure that use condoms or other barrier protections.  It is a rough world out there.

So that was a very romantic and sexy return for Quantum Cogitation.  But ladies, take care of yourselves.  You cannot make a difference if you are not around.  Plus, I still think I have a shot with you!  Are you a beaver?  Cuz, Dam!

I will be back more often so please keep sending those cards, letters, photos and videos coming.

 

 

Millenials Falling Behind (or, Try Harder D*mmit!)

I didn’t want to say “I told you so,” but…

I told you so.  A study out of San Diego State University tells us that Millenials have fewer life-time sexual partners than either the Gen-Xers or the Baby Boomers.  In fact, Gen-X can’t keep up with the Boomers.

Lead author, Jean Twenge, says that there is a huge shift going on in sexual attitudes and behaviors.  This study looked at almost 57,000 people so here is the break-down:

Years Born            Classification                       Average # of sexual partners in a lifetime

1900-1927             Greatest Generation           3

1928-1945              Silent Generation               5

1946-1964              Baby Boomers                    12

1965-1980              Generation X                      10

1980-2004             Millenials                            8

2005-2015             Homeland Generation (designated by the White House https://www.whitehouse.gov/sites/default/files/docs/millennials_report.pdf)

Now I cannot vouch for those statistics.  I am a Boomer and twelve?  That was my first week in college!  But then old Dr Tim has always been a caring, sharing free love kinda guy.

Things to account for the lower number of sexual partners lists such things as HIV, AIDS and utilizing Friends with Benefits rather than going home with strangers.  (In my day, sex was how you made friends.)

On the other hand, the study says that the younger generations, while not getting as much as Moms and Pops, are more tolerant and accepting of premarital sex and same-sex relationships.  The percentage of people who said that premarital sex “was not wrong at all” rose from 13% in 1990 to 58% in 2012.  Likewise same-sex relationships rose in approval from 13% to 44%.  Women tended to be more tolerant of homosexuality, but more conservative about premarital sex.  Guess how the men responded…

We’ve come a long way baby, but we still have a long way to go.

You can read the whole article in the May 5 issue of the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior.  (Source: Jean Twenge, Ph.D., professor of psychology, San Diego State University; May 5, 2015, Archives of Sexual Behavior)

Doc Johnson – We have the toys and body glides for every generation.  You need ’em, we got ’em.  And we never judge.  (We just want to hold the camcorder.)   How you handle your sex life is your business and our pleasure.  Or rather, your pleasure and our business.

We don’t even mind if you hipsters only use our products ironically.

SEX! (Or, What are you looking for?)

Have you seen this article?

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/25/opinion/sunday/seth-stephens-davidowitz-searching-for-sex.html

Check it out and leave me some comments.  We will discuss…

 

Automatic Orgasm (Or, Ring My Chimes!)

How I love when science moves towards filling our expectations.  I mean, sure it is 2014 and I don’t have a flying car yet, but this is almost as good.

Seems that scientists in the US have patented an implant that would give women an orgasm at the touch of a button.  I know, right?  There is a lot of orgasmic dysfunction out there in the world and many women have problems reaching climax.  Any number of issues can cause this problem.  One of them, apparently, is that with similar physical responses women can confuse arousal with fear which makes them want to avoid the situation.  Therapy is available, but guess what, Valium can delay orgasm.  Who knew?  We could talk about the causes of orgasmic dysfunction until the cows come home and still not have scratched the surface.

So let’s move on to the discovery.  A North Carolina surgeon, Stuart Meloy, got the idea when he was performing a spinal pain-relief operation on a woman.  The patient stays alert during the operation so that the surgeon can plant the electrodes in the best position.  Apparently he found her sweet spot as she orgasmed on the operating table.  Clinical trails should begin later this year.

Dr. Meloy began working with Medtronic and developed the device.  Right now, it is just smaller than a pack of cigarettes and would be implanted in the buttocks.  Then you get a nifty remote to trigger it.  This is just as invasive as getting a pacemaker, so they would like to limit it to extreme cases.

Like that’s going to happen.  He also wants to program it to limit how much it can be used.  Not gonna happen either.  If it is successful, they will become as popular as breast implants.  Everyone is going to want one.  I imagine as time goes on, the device will get smaller and smaller and be much easier to obtain.  Who wouldn’t want Orgasms on Tap?  And can you imagine unending multiple orgasms?  Some women will never get out of bed again!

They haven’t tested it on men yet, but expect similar results.

What do you think?  Aid or the end of humanity?  Everyone should have orgasms, but they are more fun together.  Let’s keep hooking up people!  And while you are doing that, I will be trying to figure out how to get Doc Johnson’s name on that thing.  Or at least the universal remote…

Now’s where my flying car?

See You Next Tuesday!

Cunt.

There it is, right out in front of everyone.  Now, it “cunt” a good word or a bad word?  There are examples of both.

Good: I’d call you a cunt, but you don’t have the depth or warmth.

Bad: A cunt is a life support system for a pussy.

Discuss.

 

Dr. Tim loves cunts.  I don’t care if you call them vaginas, pussies, beavers, bearded clams, hot pockets, twats or purses.  No muff too tough!  That’s my motto.

Now this doesn’t have anything to do with the topics, but spell check wanted me to change pussies to Aussies.  What the heck!  I love them too!

And for all your sexual vaginal needs, buy Doc Johnson Products.  Because we think about your pussy all day!

Summer Surprise (or, Fashion magazines kick a**)

Is it really Labor Day already?

Seems like it was July just a second ago, and here I am home from Burning Man.  *We’ll talk about that another day.)

Fashion magazines.  Full of fashion, fluff and nonsense.  Or are they?

Sometimes there are very pleasant surprises such as an excellent article on a very serious subject for the Ladies, pelvic pain.

Please check out these links.  Hopefully they will help someone we know and love.  Could even be you!

 

http://www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/cure-pelvic-pain

http://www.elle.com/beauty/health-fitness/pelvic-therapy-practitioner-amy-stein-interview

http://beyondbasicspt.wordpress.com/

 

And of course, the Mighty Doc Johnson has some items to help you:

0292_15_BU0292_07_BU  0292_07_BX 0292_15_BX_FR

And don’t forget the lube!

 

 

Fight Cancer (or, Boobies!)

OK folks, this may just be a wonderful fantasy, but here it is:

Squeezing boobs may prevent breast cancer.

http://www.mnn.com/health/fitness-well-being/stories/squeeze-breasts-to-fight-cancer-study-says

The real report:

http://newscenter.berkeley.edu/2012/12/17/malignant-breast-cells-grow-normally-when-compressed/

Therefore, I hereby volunteer Dr Tim’s services for all ladies interested in preventative medicine.

All sizes welcome…

More is Less (or, So, What are You Wearing?)

OK.  I admit it. 

I love women’s clothes.  There, it is out in the open now.  Think what you want, but now we can move into our conversation for today.

So, what are you wearing?  Oh yeah, Baby!  You know what Daddy likes!

Clothing and sexuality have a close-knit relationship.  (See what I did there?)  The way you dress expresses the way you see yourself to others.  That outfit tells us how you are feeling and what you need.  Men and women get a real clue.  If you have the strength to walk into a party wearing a full-length tiger-print silk sheath and high heels, you will run the show.

Let’s talk t-shirts.  I love t-shirts.  I especially love them when a woman is wearing one.  Wearing a t-shirt lets us know that she is feeling secure.  A secure woman is a sexy woman.  There is this Blonde with Major Boobage with whom I have frequent meetings that knocks me out when she wears a t-shirt.  I wish she didn’t wear a bra with it as well, but you can’t always get what you want.  In fact, when I mentioned to her that the bra was unnecessary, she told me it was.

“I know you, Dr Tim.  If I didn’t wear a bra you would just happen by with a bucket of cold water that just might accidentally spill in my direction.”

She was right.  I wanted to test that theory, but she would have none of it and I would get none of it either.  *SIGH*

You know what else I have a clothes fetish for?  Fuzzy sweaters.  Oh man, big soft boobs encased in a layer of warm, fuzzy, snuggly wonderfulness.  It makes a grown man leak.  Puddles, not just caused by women!  Now I know what you might be thinking. 

“Dr Tim! When are you going to discuss sexy lingerie?”

Just a moment.  Keep your pants on.  Well at least keep them on up to your knees…

There is something else I wanted to discuss about t-shirts.  They can hide many fascinating experiences.  Have you ever lifted up a woman’s t-shirt and found a strap-on underneath?  Never saw it coming did you?  Neither did I, but baby, what a ride!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells all types of strap-ons, harnesses, dildos, lubricants, just everything you would need!  Buy some today!)

Another great thing about t-shirts is their flexibility!  Say you were on a picnic in the woods and your lady is feeling the need for anal sex.  You can twist and pull on that t-shirt while trying to stay on for 8 seconds and it will look JUST FINE when the two of you are finished!  We need more clothes like this!  Or after a sloppy blowjob or muff dive at home, that t-shirt can be thrown into the laundry without any fuss or muss.  T-shirts – The world’s perfect clothing item?

OK, sexy lingerie.  I knew a fine young lady in college with Colossal Boobage who would opine, “Dr Tim. (Actually I was just Mr Tim back then.)  I love the feel and how I look in my sexy lingerie, but I never get to wear it long when men are around.”  I wanted to test that theory.  She had a lot of it and I got a lot of it too!  I still smile when I think of her.  (When she invited me to her wedding, her soon-to-be husband uninvited me and reminded me that the ushers and groomsmen were his brothers and cousins.)

I always did have a way with women that other men hated.

Does all of this make Dr Tim anti-nudity?  Of course not.  I’m just saying that the clothes make the woman or man.  And hopefully we will get to make you too!

Just don’t get me started about shoes!

Synchronicity (Or, When Jupiter Aligns with Mars)

I’m back!  What did I miss?

We have so little to cover and so much time to do it.  Wait, scratch that.  Reverse it.  Moving on…

First – Dr Adam Ostrzenski, of the Institute of Gynocology in St Petersburg, Florida claims to have found the actual G-Spot!  You may have heard about this on the news, but let’s look a bit closer, shall we?  Whatever he found, it is causing huge waves in the medical and sexual health fields.  Doctors are lining up on both sides of the debate.  You see, one side says, “Hooray!  Another clue to the mystery!” while the other proclaims, “The G-Spot is not real!  Stop trying to make women into sexual robots who respond to physical impulses!”

Tough room.  The doctor claims that not only is this very small cluster of grape-like pods in a sac the g-spot, but that it can rupture or weaken most likely during labor trauma.  So it seems that having kids could really dent your sexual desire.  Regardless, he only found this in one woman, 84 years old.  As we do know, every woman is different.  The g-spot may be large or small or even non-existent.  The problem is that humans tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of “OMG, I Must Be Dysfunctional.”  Not only that, it only measured 8.1 mm by 1.5-3.6 mm by 0.4 mm.  Harder to find than the clitoris!  (Which is not hard to find at all!  See: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/)

So what are you going to do?  This is where Synchronicity happens:

It is National Masturbation Month!!!!!

So let’s go exploring!  Let’s break out our Official Doc Johnson Lubricant and Official Doc Johnson Toys and go spelunking.  We have all sorts of toys and gizmos to reach everyplace you have thought of and several that you haven’t.  If you need some masturbation tips, please refer to these wonderful columns:

https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/

https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/

Or check in with my Dear Friend Dr Suzy: http://bloggamy.com/masturbation-month-news/

But first some important news: There is nothing wrong with you if you cannot locate your G-Spot.  Some women are much more sensitive than others and every woman is different.  I would hate it if you were all the same.  So take your time.  Explore yourself alone or with a special friend.  The goal is not finding the g-spot.  The goal is your feeling good, having fun and feeling fulfilled.  Each of you is special and I love you dearly for it.  Relax, don’t worry.  Masturbate yourself to bliss!

Other Breaking News:

A recent study shows that men think about Sex, Food and Sleep.  In that order.  Can you say “DUH!”  How can I get paid to conduct these studies.  (Point of difference: The study was done with college aged men between 18-25.  I am a bit older and my order is Food, Drink, WOMAN, Sleep…)

Yet another study published in The American Journal of Medicine states that with many older women, sex gets better as they age.  I am still not surprised.  Older women know what works for them and how to achieve satisfaction.  Like I mentioned earlier, it is all about your satisfaction.  Satisfied women are happy women.  Happy women (come in California) make happy men.  Let’s do this people!

And finally: the FDA approves a new drug for the treatment of erectile dysfunction!  Huzzah!  Men suffering from ED need to masturbate too!  It is called Stendra and should be taken 30 minutes before sexual activity.  It is also a PDE5, so all the same warnings about nitrates, vision, hearing, etc, etc, etc.

Thanks for visiting!  Now wash your hands and let’s go get something to eat!

Boobs! (or, What are you thinking about right now?)

“Sweetie, what are you thinking about right now?”

“Well Darling, there isn’t a game on so I am thinking about boobs.’  (Famous Last Words)

And I am, unless I am thinking about pussy or ass.  Maybe about how good a blowjob would feel right now.

You are correct, Dear Readers, these are not appropriate answers when you get hit by “The Question” by your Significant Other.

In fact, this question is almost worse than the “We Need to Talk” statement.  Not quite, but almost.

Now I know that all of you have well-rounded lives with great jobs, community work, charity work and being a pillar of your House of Worship whichever that may be.  But guess what?  We all think about boobs.  Even women think about boobs!  I am very pro-boob and I am not afraid to say it.

So where am I going with all of this?  Everyone thinks about sex.  It is in just about everyone’s top five list of obsessions.  Or in my case the top two, I do love cheeseburgers.

Consider this, we all think about sex.  A lot really.  And that leads to uncomfortable situations.  Who hasn’t been caught checking someone out?  Male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, everyone has been busted.  It could be boobs, a bulging package or the way that ass moves under that sheer sun dress.  It could be a piece of jewelry or a particular shade of lipstick.  Even a fragrance can take you there.

https://quantumcogitation.com/2009/12/11/always-sniffing-around-or-smell-my-fetish/

And it could take your thoughts to uninhibited states of fantasy activities.  Strap-ons, anal sex, oral sex, threesome, moresome, orgies or your handy Official Doc Johnson devices and lubes.  Oh, do buy lots of Official Doc Johnson toys and lubes.  If it is better than Cock, it came from the Doc!

The brain is an amazing organ where your mind constructs new realities and worlds where the impossible can happen.  I have this little dream where Eva Mendez comes over to bake chocolate chip cookies with me and…

That is when you get busted.  Men are caught with a small smile and a growing chubby.  Women stand up and everyone looks for the velcro they just heard.  (Are you sitting in a puddle or are you just happy to see me?)

And most of the time, it is a fair cop.  Now I just happen to have a great job where I not only to have to think about sex constantly, but I have to think about making it better or longer-lasting, or tastier.  Yep.  To use business-speak, I need to maximize your sensory experience during erotic interludes.  In other words, Me make bouncy-bouncy more bouncy!

So yes, I think about sex a lot.  Almost as much as a teenager with the exception that I know what I am doing.  I hope.  https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/

Other times it is an unfortunate frustration.  I was caught checking out a young college lady and was scolded for being a dirty old pervert.  One, I am not dirty.  I shower every day.  Two, I am not that old.  If it were true, I would have smiled and been about my business.  When I am busted for silently perving, I admit it and ask how they busted me.  Were they thinking the same things?

However that one time was different.  The young lady in question was the daughter of an old girlfriend from college.  She looked so much like her Mom did in college that it made me smile, remembering those happy days.

It isn’t always about sex.  It just usually is…

So what’s on your naughty mind?  Drop me a line and let me know!  My email and twiiter are over there to the right somewhere.

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