Memorial Day (Or a Day for quiet reflection and good sex!)

30 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Uncategorized Tags:

I know I am early for a post, but this is important.

Today is Memorial Day.  A day when we honor the men and women of the Armed Forces that won our freedom, united a nation, and fight all over the world to keep us free.

I salute each and every one of you.  And I owe a debt of gratitude to each.  Thank you for your service to us and your nation.

Serious link: http://www.allproudamericans.com/memorial-day-tribute-2011.html

And as for the good sex, I am repeating my efforts and offer from Veteran’s Day.  Please feel free to call me for your personal thank you.  (Especially you Rebecca!)

https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/11/12/happy-veterans-day/

God Bless America!

Airing the Orchid (or Women are Wankers Too!)

27 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where does the time go?  It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated.  But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return.  Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!

So let’s talk about the Ladies.  Wait a minute!  Women don’t masturbate.  They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions.   Bullspit!  Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young.  Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you.  Really!  Would a Woman lie?

So how do women masturbate?  There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively.  After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!”  Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.

Let’s see a show of hands now.  How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?

Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed.  Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor.  Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy.  Shameful.  That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible!  (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond.  Miss you!)

So what can Doc Johnson do for you?

Glad you asked.  You may have heard of Dr Susan Block.  She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos.  You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/  Do check out her websites and her live shows.  She is adorable!  I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time.  Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.

She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.

One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!

This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it!  Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO!  These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry.  In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so.  Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels.  Too soon old, too late smart.  (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/

But that’s not all!  For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:

Intense!

Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal.  Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ.  And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention.  I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Works wonders on my, um shoulders!  Yeah on my shoulders.  (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too.  Not that low!  Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)

Am I moving too fast for you?  Let’s slow things down a bit.  How about we get in the mood?  Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage.  Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan?  Relax.  Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body.  Lose a layer of clothes.  All you have on is your lingerie.  Feels nice.  Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too.  Beautiful.  Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts.  So smooth and sensual.  Move to your tummy.  You are in great shape.  You must drive the men crazy all day.  If only they could see you now.  So smooth on the legs.  Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin.  Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips.  You know what’s coming…

Spread it on and feel the bliss.

Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on.  (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM)  Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter.  The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up.  How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator?  (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…

Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.

Or just maybe, well he has been hinting.  Is it time to explore?  Oh yes!

Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.

Just tease yourself.  You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down.  So close, but wait, catch your breath.  You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel.  Mount that dildo.  Ride it just the way you like it.  lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt.  Maybe a pinch or a slap.  Breathe deeply.  gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide.  Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind.  Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling.  That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.  To sleep, perchance to dream.  Aye, there’s the rub!

And rub you did.  Well done!  Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly.  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices?  Not to worry.  You have plenty of options.  Remember the washing machine, the vacuum?  One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride.  (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.)  And even a door knob works well.  You do not need a toy to masturbate.  It is important to make some special time to yourself.  Orgasms release endorphins.  They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world.  And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild!  Cum early and often.

Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either.  I have one.  You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.

Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed.  And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes.  I love my job!

Sexual Enhancements (Or Ways to Get Your Freak On!)

18 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Plastic, Safe Sex, Safety, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hi folks!  This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson.  Below is the unedited version.

Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!

When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills.  Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience.  Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace.  However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements.  As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples.  Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible.  This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition.   If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.

By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots.  Watch that caffeine intake people.  And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible  information.  While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research.  Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new  favorite http://scholar.google.com.  Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too!  Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.

But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure.  There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.

Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience.  Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office.  It was thick, gooey and cold!  The field has advanced quite a bit since then.  Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors.  There are different types of lubricants as well.

Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater.  They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.

Water-based lubricants can be fun.  You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle!  Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring.  And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best.  There is a great variety out there with something for everyone.  Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.

Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available.  Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!

There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.

The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer.  The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray.  These are  applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation.  So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure.  In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.

Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body.  These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants.  Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play.  In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.

While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs.  And that is priceless.

National Masturbation Month Part 1 (I’m not jerking you around here!)

06 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Happy National Masturbation Month.

You aren’t a wanker, you are involved in a world-wide celebration!  (Back to the title, I am not jerking you around.  Do your own jerking!  My hands are full.)

This week, we will look into the wonderful world of male masturbation.  You know, jerking off, choking the chicken, dating Rosie Palm and her five Daughters, whipping the weasel (my favorite euphemism), pocket pool, spanking the monkey, drubbing, whatever you call it the result is the same.  Endorphins, feeling great, taking a nap and more sticky, dirty laundry.  Gotta love those cashmere sweat socks.

So how do we do it?  Now that I think about it, how don’t we do it?

You can stroke yourself using your dominant hand, or use your other hand which makes your cock feel bigger, or you can sit on your hand until it goes numb before you use it.  That one is called “The Stranger.”  Which is great if you are short on time or in a hurry.  Which is fine.  Masturbation relieves stress, eases the mind, it gets your body’s hormones running normally and it can help you relax or even fall asleep.  Masturbation is a very important part of our lives.  But as with intercourse, we like to dress it up and play a little.

As you may recall, I am employed by the mighty Doc Johnson!  You have seen their toys everywhere and if you made it to the credits in a porn movie most of the time you will see a line “Toys Courtesy of Doc Johnson.”  And we have everything you need for your self-love exploration!  We have lubricants, pocket pussies, vibrators, cock rings, prostate massagers and more!  (For more about cock rings see: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/29/cock-rings-or-heavy-metal-for-your-junk/)

What’s that?  You’re a guy and don’t need a vibrator?  Maybe you don’t, but would it hurt to try?  Here’s the thing.  Vibrations can help you loosen up and relax.  But it can also stir your libido and create a “Dance in Your Pants!”  There are a couple of ways you can do this.

First, take a vibrating bullet, turn it on and tuck it between your butt cheeks right against your anus.  Sit or lie down and enjoy.  Feel the non-threatening vibration?  Feels good.  Stress is draining right out of your body.  Your eyes half close when the thought of Eva Mendez topless crosses your mind.  Now you are becoming erect and the buzz is feeding your erection.  Reach down and begin to stroke.  Oh yeah!  Nothing beats an orgasm while your prostate is being massaged.  You probably haven’t shot that far since you college.

Now if you are more adventurous, try a direct prostate massager.

Totally Awesome!

You will need some good lube.  Use lots.

Water-based but feels like silicone!

Now gently slide it into place.  As you stroke your cock you will feel it rub against your prostate.  You haven’t been that hard since when?  You will think that your teeth will be sucked through your body at orgasm.  There is even a vibrating version of the prostate massager too!  What are you waiting for?  Go get some!

And some guys like the feeling of a regular vibrator or dildo sliding in and out of their asshole.  You could get a strap-on dildo and harness for your pillow!  Different stokes for different folks.  More power to them!  (Remember this one: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/08/29/strap-it-on/)

Beside vibrators, there are other great things to help us paint the ceiling.  Ever heard of a Pocket Pussy?  These are great little handheld strokers that can be shaped like a pussy, asshole or mouth.  Fantastic!  Some are even molded from some of your favorite porn stars like Vicky Vette, Sasha Grey or Belladonna.

Not only is she a hot fuck, she is a beautiful person inside.

Get your lube.  I know that some of you guys are still using Vaseline or Baby Lotion.  Get with the program!  If your partner comes over for a quickie, do they want baby lotion inside?  What is they are allergic to the fragrance.  Be a man.  Buy some lube.  Slide into the stroker and well, stroke!  But be careful you will probably shoot out of the other end through the cleaning hole, so have tissue, towels or a willing mouth handy.

Now as you may have guessed, Dr Tim has experiment with these things.  Oh how he has experimented!  For a tighter grip, I like to put the pocket pussy between my mattress and box springs.  That way, I can turn the pages of the magazine, use the remote to fast forward through the awkward talking bits of the video or spank those pillows!  Yeah, take it bed!  Take it all!  Every last inch Baby!  Although I admit spanking the pillows does not have quite the same satisfying sound…

So, we’ve covered the cock, prostate and ass.  I’d like to take a few moments to talk about your balls.

Your balls need love too.  Some guys like to have them gripped, pulled, tugged, twisted or vibrated.  Yes, we can help.  You could take one of those super stretchy cock rings and put your scrotum through it.  It will be snug, but the super stretchy ones allow blood flow so your crown jewels are relatively safe.  Have you ever cum when your balls can’t retract?  Your eyes will bug out!  And you can take one of those super stretchy vibrating cock rings and put it on so that the vibrator is behind your balls!  Now you have the grip and the vibration.  Does a scrotum good!

Of course you can get really fancy by attaching a short leash from the ring around your balls to the clamps on your nipples to keep you from straightening up as a fucking machine strokes your prostate, the motion driving your cock into the stroker under your mattress while being blindfolded wearing a pair of panties.  Not sure how that snuck into my head, but it could happen!

But take care of your balls!

Will have the women lining up to be tea-bagged!

Buy some Nice Nuggets.  It is a light lotion that turns to powder.  It will keep your boys dry and comfortable all day long whether you are a horse jockey or a desk jockey.  Smells manly too.  So give the boys a coat.  Feel around, enjoy your balls!  Avoid the crotch pot cooking and maybe your partner will be too busy using your junk for you to masturbate.

Next week: Female Masturbation: Truth or Fiction?