21 Dec 2012
by Mystertim
in Anal Sex, ANME, Christmas, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, sex toys, Strap-ons, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, clit, clitoris, dildo, fellatio, fetish, Personal Lubricants, sex toys, strap-on, vibrator
Ah, the holidays!
What a wonderful time to look back, review your year and make the appropriate adjustments so that the coming year is even better. You become a better person, the type of person you had always hoped that you would be when you grew up. Kind, generous, respected and well-loved.
Time to get nostalgic about family, friends, lost or found loves. Tradition.
Speaking of tradition, WHAT DID YOU GET ME?????
Most of you were nice. Some of you were very naughty. And a few of you were nicely naughty and sent Dr Tim pictures and videos of yourselves using your fine Doc Johnson toys and lubricants! Warms my heart. Truly! No cash, but a warm fuzzy feeling like when she hasn’t shaved for a week or so.
So how was your year? Did you finally find a woman who was “all-access?” Did you find a man who wasn’t threatened by your toys or that strap-on dildo you bought?
My year was great. Here at Doc Johnson we had some very successful shows including a spectacular one at Hustler Hollywood! It was all about the Wonderland.
It was AMAZING!
Other awesome stuff happened too. Great folks getting their body parts molded, like James Deen and Vicky Vette. It was an incredibly exciting year!
And wait until you see 2013! We have new toys and new lubricants coming out that will blow your mind. And help you get blown as well.
I mean, after all, what are the holidays without a heaping dose of holiday sex?
Someone asked the other day if I had a favorite sex toy. Of course I do! It’s Debi Diamond! (A kind gentle soul who is sexy and kinky to the core. Now if I could get her and Christy Canyon at the same time…)
What better gift to give a loved one, or stranger, than a long slow blowjob or maybe some anal sex? Men and women around the globe would love to receive those presents. Many at the same time. Ever been to an out-of-control office party? Like that only everyone keeps their jobs.
And Doc Johnson is there to supply all of your sexual accessories. Your orientation doesn’t matter, we have what you need. All types of dildos, vibrators, masturbators, lubes and lotions. We help make the season bright. Or turn off the lights, we are just happy to be there with you.
So don’t be selfish this season. Give orgasms to everyone you meet. And maybe you will receive a few of your own. No matter the fetish or form, we are here for you.
And like Dr Tim always says, unless he doesn’t, “I don’t judge. I just want to hold the camcorder.”
Merry Christmas everyone! And until next year, enjoy your ho, ho, hos!
14 Oct 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, boobs, clit, clitoris, cock, Couples sex talk, Cunnilingus, dick, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, pussy, Science, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Transexual, vibrator, women
“Sweetie, what are you thinking about right now?”
“Well Darling, there isn’t a game on so I am thinking about boobs.’ (Famous Last Words)
And I am, unless I am thinking about pussy or ass. Maybe about how good a blowjob would feel right now.
You are correct, Dear Readers, these are not appropriate answers when you get hit by “The Question” by your Significant Other.
In fact, this question is almost worse than the “We Need to Talk” statement. Not quite, but almost.
Now I know that all of you have well-rounded lives with great jobs, community work, charity work and being a pillar of your House of Worship whichever that may be. But guess what? We all think about boobs. Even women think about boobs! I am very pro-boob and I am not afraid to say it.
So where am I going with all of this? Everyone thinks about sex. It is in just about everyone’s top five list of obsessions. Or in my case the top two, I do love cheeseburgers.
Consider this, we all think about sex. A lot really. And that leads to uncomfortable situations. Who hasn’t been caught checking someone out? Male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, everyone has been busted. It could be boobs, a bulging package or the way that ass moves under that sheer sun dress. It could be a piece of jewelry or a particular shade of lipstick. Even a fragrance can take you there.
https://quantumcogitation.com/2009/12/11/always-sniffing-around-or-smell-my-fetish/
And it could take your thoughts to uninhibited states of fantasy activities. Strap-ons, anal sex, oral sex, threesome, moresome, orgies or your handy Official Doc Johnson devices and lubes. Oh, do buy lots of Official Doc Johnson toys and lubes. If it is better than Cock, it came from the Doc!
The brain is an amazing organ where your mind constructs new realities and worlds where the impossible can happen. I have this little dream where Eva Mendez comes over to bake chocolate chip cookies with me and…
That is when you get busted. Men are caught with a small smile and a growing chubby. Women stand up and everyone looks for the velcro they just heard. (Are you sitting in a puddle or are you just happy to see me?)
And most of the time, it is a fair cop. Now I just happen to have a great job where I not only to have to think about sex constantly, but I have to think about making it better or longer-lasting, or tastier. Yep. To use business-speak, I need to maximize your sensory experience during erotic interludes. In other words, Me make bouncy-bouncy more bouncy!
So yes, I think about sex a lot. Almost as much as a teenager with the exception that I know what I am doing. I hope. https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/
Other times it is an unfortunate frustration. I was caught checking out a young college lady and was scolded for being a dirty old pervert. One, I am not dirty. I shower every day. Two, I am not that old. If it were true, I would have smiled and been about my business. When I am busted for silently perving, I admit it and ask how they busted me. Were they thinking the same things?
However that one time was different. The young lady in question was the daughter of an old girlfriend from college. She looked so much like her Mom did in college that it made me smile, remembering those happy days.
It isn’t always about sex. It just usually is…
So what’s on your naughty mind? Drop me a line and let me know! My email and twiiter are over there to the right somewhere.
10 Oct 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, chemicals, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, FDA, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, Science, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Transexual, vibrator, women
A post on Monday morning?
Inconceivable!
However, it has been brought to my attention that one or two of you were pulled away from your computer against your will Saturday night.
Well, you missed it. Dr Tim was on the air. A nice 30 minute interview with DerekD and Peter Dickem on “The DerekD SHow.” They are on this nifty website www.pleasureradio.fm.
So go ahead, visit the site, check out the program archives and hear what I had to say. I didn’t do much for world peace, but maybe you can get a piece from our conversation.
Big shout-out to: @pleasurefm @peterdickem @dirtyderekd @drsuzy @TsWendyWilliams
Follow them on Twitter, or if boredom is more your style, follow me on Twitter! The link is over there to the right somewhere.
Happy Monday Everyone!
16 Sep 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, chemicals, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Fashion, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Medical, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Safe Sex, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, chemicals, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, Science, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, sweet semen, Transexual, vibrator, women
Believe it or not, I took a vacation last week. No, really! I was not in my laboratory for nine days. Nine long, empty, meaningless days…
Actually I had a grand time. It was my first vacation in four years and my third in the last twelve years. It seems like I take a week off every four years or so.
So what did I do? Things that would make the Marquis de Sade jump up on a chair and go “Eeek!”
Well, I’m sure that someone would. I spent two days travelling. It was nice to see the green fields and blue skies of the Midwest again. You know, they have air that can be seen through almost all of the time. Then I came home to study.
Yes you read that correctly, I came home to study. I was buried in quantum theory, chemistry, mathematics and porn.
A person needs to stay sharp and up-to-date with the latest and greatest theories and inventions. Who wouldn’t want to unravel the theories of time and the universe while experiencing mind-blowing orgasms? Somehow I find that climaxing while learning brings me to an amazing brain-gasm. Nothing like a good cum to fix things in your brain. The universe seems to open itself up to me during sex. (Now you understand why I call my Lady Friends, “My World, My Universe.”)
Here you thought I ignored my studies to do a lot of screwing around! Nonsense. As serious students, we always recited our class notes during sex. In fact, that is the main reason people like the dirty talk in the bedroom. Have you ever said anything naughty that your partner forgot? Nope, they remember every last thing you said in bed and try to hold you to it. A lot of jewelry gets sold that way.
Did you know that two people can squeeze into an orgone box? They can! If you can have sex in an airplane bathroom, you can make it in an orgone box! Although that isn’t the point. One of these days I promise that I will write a blog about Wilhelm Reich. His work is fascinating.
Back to my vacation! Out of nine, I had seven days of Science, Sex and Ice Cream. Hmm, Seven of Nine does make me think about Science, Sex and Ice Cream, although not in that exact order.
However, serious study needs a serious study group. How fortunate that I know such a group who could really help me concentrate on my studies. Anything that could happen, did happen! There were tons of official Doc Johnson toys and lubes which everyone shared to their hearts’ content. There were strap-ons, oral sex, anal, sex, vaginal sex, armpit sex, straight, gay, trans, couples, singles and more! Best smorgasm-borg ever! We really got into some interesting experiments of spacial geometry and I do believe we defied the laws of physics and anatomy more than once. How many dimensions do we occupy during orgasm?
You would have to see the film to believe it! But until I star on a reality show, you will probably never have a chance to see it, unless someone posts clips on the internet. Don’t be a pirate! Buy your porn! Somehow the idea of sex tapes going viral seems wrong to me.
So what or who did you do on your summer vacation? Feel free to send me cards, letters, pictures or video! Even a postcard would be nice…
25 Aug 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Transexual, vibrator, women
Hot enough for you?
Hey! If you are going to throw things, either make them soft or made out of ice cream!
Back in the Midwest, when I was just a Baby Chemist, we had a saying in August. Now keep in mind in those days Dr Tim was a young, strong, wiry lad with fire in his soul and mischief in his eyes. I was working for the County in the Secondary Road Department. Yes, I’m the guy that held the stick on the survey crew. It was an afternoon when we were in the Shop to pick up some supplies when I first heard it.
“It’s too hot to fuck!”
Now that is really saying something! “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk.” “It’s hotter than Hell.” “So hot my shadow was looking for shade.” “That’ll melt your ice cream.” Statements that we hear, but don’t make much of an impact on us. But when a man or woman says, “It’s too hot to fuck.” Well! Can you seriously name anything that would prevent you from fucking if fucking was available? Me either.
Now it is belief on mine that Humans are nocturnal by nature. We were only forced to live in the sunlit world by the advent of the agricultural age. People aren’t supposed to be out in the sun! Sleep by day, hunt by night. That’s living! I thrive on moonlight and the sun is not my friend. And don’t even get me started on vampires! Cold lifeless sadness drinking blood to feel alive but for a night? Awful! Now werewolves, they have an abundance of life energy. Living in the moment, intimate with nature and in bed? WHEW! That’s life up at the sharp end.
Back to the heat. So if it is too hot to fuck, what are you going to do? Perform 68 with your partner? (68 – you blow me and I’ll owe you one.) Watch “Scrubs” reruns and masturbate to fantasies of Dr Kelso? Almost! You can have a slow, easy wanking session using your Official Doc Johnson toys! WHOO-HOO!!! You know you love it.
But if you need to be reminded, go here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/ or here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/
Seriously, Two hot sweaty bodies really screw up the bed. Especially if there is a power outage or your air conditioning doesn’t work. Grab the sofa, your Sasha Grey Love Spit Lube (seriously, it is awesome!) and your Doc Johnson dildos, vibrator, stroker or strap-ons. Lay back under the fan and tease yourself slowly. Think about something that really turns you on and let your hands wander.
Need a long, slow deep-dicking? Lube up that dildo, fasten that strap-on to a cushion or pillow and ride or slide at your sexiest pace. Men, do the same with your stroker. Use lots of lube, it feels cool and wet. Add the vibrator that will tickle your private places without doubling the sweat on the sheets. Ever sit on an ice pack while masturbating? Try it! You may just love it! You know, glass dildos can be kept in the freezer for just such an emergency as well.
Or, for my fans that are hardcore, slip a few ice cubes or a popsicle in your back door. Not only will it intensify your orgasm, but you will have the coldest experience since that one time with the snow bunnies outside the lodge at Big Bear during January! But careful, this technique is not for rookies. Hardcore only please. Beginners should work their way up to this by fucking over an open freezer or over a 50 # bag of ice wrapped in a towel. Ever do it in a wading pool full of ice water? It is GOOD, trust me.
So it’s August, it’s hot and your partner is a sweaty slob. Don’t let that stop you from having the orgasms you deserve! Use a little creativity and don’t forget to take the Doc along for the ride. Remember: If it’s as good as Cock, it must be from the Doc! If rubber pussy makes you want some, call on old Doc Johnson.
Didn’t quite rhyme, but you get the jism gist of it. Besides, where are you going to get a sex toy blog that has human evolution, werewolves, vampires and ice up the ass?
From Dr Tim, that’s who!
12 Aug 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Premature Ejaculation, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, vibrator, women
An interesting question was posed to me this week.
Why are cuckold films so popular?
I have no idea. However, I do know a little bit about the Hot Wife/cuckold phenomenon.
Some of you have already gone to Wikipedia to look up “Cuckold,” so I will just give the brief alleged origin of the term. You see, there is this bird called the cuckoo. Besides living in clocks, the female will lay its eggs in another birds nest so that someone else raises the offspring. This is a similar deal. Hot Wife goes out and gets knocked up by a man other than her husband so that the husband ends up raising someone else’s kid. There is often denial of sex for the cuckolded husband.
How do these people’s minds work?
Lots of answers of which all or none of may be correct.
1. The stress of sexual relations is too much for the husband. He wants his wife to be happy so he gives her permission to get the sexual satisfaction she deserves. Very selfless and giving.
2. The husband feels inadequate and grudgingly gives consent for his wife to get what he cannot provide. i.e., multiple orgasms, a large cock, a “real” man, group sex, etc.
3. The husband is unaware that his wife is getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere.
4. The husband may just get his jollies watching and doesn’t care for real sex.
5. The husband may be into humiliation and lets his dominatrix wife do as she please to torment him.
6. The wife’s sex drive may be too big for him to accommodate.
7. The husband is bi and gets off being the beta male.
8. There may be blackmail involved.
Some folks will say this is not right, but if everyone is happy with the situation, who are we to comment? If they are unhappy, well hopefully they will find some help to change their circumstances.
We need to be careful not to confuse cuckolds with swingers. A cuckold may be a swinger, but not every swinger is a cuckold. In a swinging relationship, each partner has sex with however many people they desire. In a cuckold relationship, the Hot Wife gets to have sex with however many people they desire and the cuckold is either faithful or abstinent. Sometimes they add interracial play for more humiliation. (Side note: Dr Tim does not believe that having sex with someone from a different race would denigrate anything.)
And do not confuse a Hot Wife with a Slut Wife. Remember, the Hot Wife has a husband at home who gets no action from his lawfully wedded bride. Everyone gets the Slut Wife.
A friend of mine who practices this lifestyle tells me that it is the toughest thing in the world for him, but seeing his wife’s happiness makes it all worthwhile. For years, he told me, she would cuckold him by using toys. She had him go buy different dildos, vibrators, lubes and lotions. (All Doc Johnson products!) Then she made him watch as she pleasured herself. At first, she let him masturbate while watching. After a while that stopped. They purchased a strap-on and a male chastity device. His junk was locked up and she would use the strap-on to stretch his orifices. Eventually she started meeting other men and bringing them home to fuck so he could watch. And yes, he does clean up the cream pies. Currently he has been in that chastity device for over three years. They seem very much in love.
How does Dr Tim know so much about his friends’ sex lives? I get invited to either participate or hold the camcorder. (I love holding the camcorder!) In a way, I am a documentarian of sex in America. I just don’t own any of the footage.
So why are cuckold films becoming so popular? My best guess is that more and more people are finally becoming more secure in their sexuality. Men want to fuck other men’s wives and “conquer” their husbands. Some men want to watch their wives lose themselves in orgasm at another’s hands. Some men have little to no self-respect and are self-destructive. (Not nice to make the wives a party to that!) Some men are submissive and don’t want rights, they want duties.
Some women like having multiple partners, or humiliating/hurting their husbands, will do it to please him or any of a myriad of reasons. I also read a paper that explains that cuckolding is the first step in establishing a World Gynarchy. Subdue your husbands and take control kind of stuff. Scary.
If cuckolding is for you, go get it! Just remember to love yourself and others. If you guys truly love each other, there is no wrong way to express it.
01 Jul 2011
by Mystertim
in 3-Minute Poem, Anatomy, Bad Poetry, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Uncategorized, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Bad Poetry, Blowjob, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Poetry, Psychology, Science, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, sweet semen, vibrator
Yes, here is another 3-minute poem from Dr Tim for the holiday.
Why do I call it a 3-minute poem? Because I refuse to take longer than three minutes to write one. Cuz you see, man, if you take the time to re-write and edit, it’s no longer real. It doesn’t have that organic flow and awkward meter. Ya dig? Crazy. Here we go…
Happy Birthday USA! (by Dr Tim 2011)
Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness
Is what they promised me
To live this lifetime free and bold
Was my opportunity
The world says that we’ve gone soft
And we have lost our way
I say America still shows her strength
Every Independence Day
G-d Bless America, Her hopes, Her goals
G-d Bless our Troops so true
When Evil struck, to destroy our dreams
We bled Red, White and Blue
We do not cower, we do not fear
Keeping peace is never fun
But I can guaran-damn-tee you that
Our colors will never run
Now I’m older, beaten on life’s anvil
And long for yester-year
Yet still if you insult my Land
You’ll get a boot right up your rear
Yet on cool, dark nights
Perched high in a tree
I think of things long gone
Let me tell you two or three
For baseball, I miss Willie Mays
For potato chips, please bring me Lay’s
For picnics were the greatest craze
For the holiday, let’s take off the next three days!
HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!
So cool cats, next time we’ll talk about SRS, Dilation and why you need a good lube around the house. Later Daddio!
27 May 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams
Tags: anal sex, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, fetish, Lesbian, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Susan Block, Transexual, vibrator, Wendy Williams, women
Where does the time go? It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated. But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return. Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!
So let’s talk about the Ladies. Wait a minute! Women don’t masturbate. They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions. Bullspit! Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young. Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you. Really! Would a Woman lie?
So how do women masturbate? There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively. After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!” Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.
Let’s see a show of hands now. How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?
Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed. Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor. Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy. Shameful. That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible! (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond. Miss you!)
So what can Doc Johnson do for you?
Glad you asked. You may have heard of Dr Susan Block. She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos. You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/ Do check out her websites and her live shows. She is adorable! I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time. Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.
She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.
One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!
This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it! Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO! These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry. In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so. Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels. Too soon old, too late smart. (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/
But that’s not all! For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:
Intense!
Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal. Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ. And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention. I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Works wonders on my, um shoulders! Yeah on my shoulders. (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too. Not that low! Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)
Am I moving too fast for you? Let’s slow things down a bit. How about we get in the mood? Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage. Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan? Relax. Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body. Lose a layer of clothes. All you have on is your lingerie. Feels nice. Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too. Beautiful. Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts. So smooth and sensual. Move to your tummy. You are in great shape. You must drive the men crazy all day. If only they could see you now. So smooth on the legs. Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin. Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips. You know what’s coming…
Spread it on and feel the bliss.
Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on. (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM) Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter. The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up. How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator? (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…
Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.
Or just maybe, well he has been hinting. Is it time to explore? Oh yes!
Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.
Just tease yourself. You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down. So close, but wait, catch your breath. You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel. Mount that dildo. Ride it just the way you like it. lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt. Maybe a pinch or a slap. Breathe deeply. gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide. Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind. Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling. That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there’s the rub!
And rub you did. Well done! Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly. drtim@quantumcogitation.com
So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices? Not to worry. You have plenty of options. Remember the washing machine, the vacuum? One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride. (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.) And even a door knob works well. You do not need a toy to masturbate. It is important to make some special time to yourself. Orgasms release endorphins. They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world. And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild! Cum early and often.
Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either. I have one. You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.
Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed. And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes. I love my job!
18 May 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Plastic, Safe Sex, Safety, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons
Tags: anal sex, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Male Sexuality, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, vibrator, women
Hi folks! This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson. Below is the unedited version.
Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!
When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills. Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience. Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace. However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements. As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples. Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible. This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition. If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.
By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots. Watch that caffeine intake people. And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible information. While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research. Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new favorite http://scholar.google.com. Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too! Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.
But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure. There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.
Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience. Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office. It was thick, gooey and cold! The field has advanced quite a bit since then. Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors. There are different types of lubricants as well.
Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater. They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.
Water-based lubricants can be fun. You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle! Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring. And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best. There is a great variety out there with something for everyone. Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.
Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available. Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!
There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.
The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer. The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray. These are applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation. So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure. In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.
Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body. These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants. Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play. In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.
While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs. And that is priceless.
29 Apr 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Safe Sex, Safety, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons
Tags: anal sex, clit, cock rings, Couples sex talk, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Premature Ejaculation, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on
Cock rings. Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing. (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)
What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?
A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region. You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out. So what’s the point?
It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer. Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction. You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up. If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.
Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package. It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian. You should see the way the veins pop up. Textured for her pleasure indeed.
But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal. They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten. But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.
1. Make sure you get a proper fit. If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit. Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them. But metal cock rings are not for beginners. Grab your junk and a tape measure. Not the one from your toolbox! The cloth one from her sewing kit. (Or yours, I don’t judge. Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…) If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis. You know, where she grabs you to get your attention. Make it snug, but not tight. Take that measurement and divide by 3.14. This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.
HA! Made you do geometry! You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference. And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size. Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water. STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!
So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through. Told you to do it soft, didn’t I? Get ready to Unchain Your Beast! (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)
2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what? Time to get hard. It will feel rather strange at first. Like someone has a tight grip on you. Relax, it’s all good. Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine. You are a stallion, baby! Don’t ever forget it!
However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes. It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage. And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation! Now that would suck. So pay attention.
3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation. Go to the doctor! And take the ring with you.
Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily. Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection. These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist. Metal cock rings are not for beginners.
4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes. Don’t risk your life for a fuck. Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!
5. Be careful with your partner. Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth. Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring. They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing. Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes. Trust me.
What else can a cock ring do for you? Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing. Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint. You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson. We have something for everybody!
Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings. They really bring an extra dimension into your love life. Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons! (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!) Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.
As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…
Previous Older Entries
Quantum Cogitation 