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Airing the Orchid (or Women are Wankers Too!)

Where does the time go?  It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated.  But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return.  Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!

So let’s talk about the Ladies.  Wait a minute!  Women don’t masturbate.  They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions.   Bullspit!  Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young.  Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you.  Really!  Would a Woman lie?

So how do women masturbate?  There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively.  After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!”  Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.

Let’s see a show of hands now.  How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?

Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed.  Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor.  Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy.  Shameful.  That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible!  (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond.  Miss you!)

So what can Doc Johnson do for you?

Glad you asked.  You may have heard of Dr Susan Block.  She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos.  You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/  Do check out her websites and her live shows.  She is adorable!  I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time.  Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.

She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.

One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!

This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it!  Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO!  These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry.  In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so.  Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels.  Too soon old, too late smart.  (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/

But that’s not all!  For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:

Intense!

Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal.  Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ.  And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention.  I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Works wonders on my, um shoulders!  Yeah on my shoulders.  (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too.  Not that low!  Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)

Am I moving too fast for you?  Let’s slow things down a bit.  How about we get in the mood?  Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage.  Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan?  Relax.  Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body.  Lose a layer of clothes.  All you have on is your lingerie.  Feels nice.  Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too.  Beautiful.  Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts.  So smooth and sensual.  Move to your tummy.  You are in great shape.  You must drive the men crazy all day.  If only they could see you now.  So smooth on the legs.  Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin.  Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips.  You know what’s coming…

Spread it on and feel the bliss.

Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on.  (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM)  Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter.  The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up.  How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator?  (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…

Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.

Or just maybe, well he has been hinting.  Is it time to explore?  Oh yes!

Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.

Just tease yourself.  You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down.  So close, but wait, catch your breath.  You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel.  Mount that dildo.  Ride it just the way you like it.  lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt.  Maybe a pinch or a slap.  Breathe deeply.  gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide.  Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind.  Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling.  That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.  To sleep, perchance to dream.  Aye, there’s the rub!

And rub you did.  Well done!  Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly.  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices?  Not to worry.  You have plenty of options.  Remember the washing machine, the vacuum?  One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride.  (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.)  And even a door knob works well.  You do not need a toy to masturbate.  It is important to make some special time to yourself.  Orgasms release endorphins.  They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world.  And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild!  Cum early and often.

Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either.  I have one.  You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.

Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed.  And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes.  I love my job!

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Sexual Enhancements (Or Ways to Get Your Freak On!)

Hi folks!  This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson.  Below is the unedited version.

Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!

When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills.  Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience.  Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace.  However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements.  As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples.  Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible.  This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition.   If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.

By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots.  Watch that caffeine intake people.  And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible  information.  While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research.  Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new  favorite http://scholar.google.com.  Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too!  Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.

But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure.  There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.

Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience.  Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office.  It was thick, gooey and cold!  The field has advanced quite a bit since then.  Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors.  There are different types of lubricants as well.

Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater.  They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.

Water-based lubricants can be fun.  You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle!  Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring.  And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best.  There is a great variety out there with something for everyone.  Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.

Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available.  Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!

There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.

The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer.  The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray.  These are  applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation.  So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure.  In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.

Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body.  These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants.  Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play.  In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.

While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs.  And that is priceless.

Cock Rings (or Heavy Metal for Your Junk)

Cock rings.  Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing.  (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)

What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?

A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region.  You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out.  So what’s the point?

It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer.  Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction.  You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up.  If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.

Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package.  It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian.  You should see the way the veins pop up.  Textured for her pleasure indeed.

But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal.  They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten.  But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.

1. Make sure you get a proper fit.  If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit.  Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them.  But metal cock rings are not for beginners.  Grab your junk and a tape measure.  Not the one from your toolbox!  The cloth one from her sewing kit.  (Or yours, I don’t judge.  Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…)  If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis.  You know, where she grabs you to get your attention.  Make it snug, but not tight.  Take that measurement and divide by 3.14.  This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.

HA!  Made you do geometry!  You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference.  And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size.  Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water.  STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!

So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through.  Told you to do it soft, didn’t I?  Get ready to Unchain Your Beast!  (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)

2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what?  Time to get hard.  It will feel rather strange at first.  Like someone has a tight grip on you.  Relax, it’s all good.  Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine.  You are a stallion, baby!  Don’t ever forget it!

However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes.  It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage.  And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation!  Now that would suck.  So pay attention.

3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation.  Go to the doctor!  And take the ring with you.

Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily.  Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection.  These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist.  Metal cock rings are not for beginners.

4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes.  Don’t risk your life for a fuck.  Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!

5. Be careful with your partner.  Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth.  Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring.  They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing.  Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes.  Trust me.

What else can a cock ring do for you?  Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing.  Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint.  You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson.  We have something for everybody!

Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings.  They really bring an extra dimension into your love life.  Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons!  (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!)  Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.

As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…

Priapism (or: How Long is Too Long?)

Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart.  Priapism.

So what is Priapism?  Why is that a bad thing?

Priapism is when the penis or clitoris remains erect for four or more hours with no physical or psychological stimulation.  This is not a good thing.  Believe it or not, priapism can lead to permanent erectile dysfunction, meaning that if it is not treated quickly, the damage caused may prevent you from ever attaining a natural erection again!

There are two types: High flow and low flow.  High flow is rather uncommon and involves a ruptured artery which caused the blood to flow into your penis.  It is like a garden hose where the pressure never relents.  Low flow is when the blood flows into the penis, but cannot get back out.

Causes:  Drug use both prescription and illegal, blood disease like sickle-cell anemia, blood clots, injury to the area, even poisonous venom from a scorpion or black widow spider.

Treatments:  Ice packs, pharmaceuticals and inserting a needle to remove the blood.  That does not sound like any fun at all!

So really, if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, get to the Emergency Room!  Do not risk it.  Cases of pripism with women are possible, but most uncommon.  This is basically a guy thing.

However, there is a major difference between priapism and being a Marathon Sled Dog like Dr Tim!

I am not bragging (OK, I am) but my record sack time was ten and a half hours.  Sure stopping for lunch and a shower made it more like ten hours, but I’m keeping the half.

It is not uncommon for men to be able to last an eternity in the sack, but it is also not always welcome.  If I had a nickel for every time a woman asked me, “Through yet?” I would easily have a dollar and a half today.  Guys, she may want you to last longer, but not all night!  She’s got other stuff to do besides you.  Saying that “We are going to do it all night long!” is a much different reality than actually doing it all night long.  There is chafing, body odors, stiff necks and all sorts of things that are not pretty.

Some of you are going to want to know how to last that long.  Here are a couple of secrets.  Masturbate.  A lot.  You will get so used to your hand with kung-fu grip that the clench of a normal vagina or rectum will not give you the stimulation you need to orgasm.  Not sure how that could be fun.  Another includes body modification, so I think I will not explain it.  Although this may have something to do with my personal longevity.  Which is a pretty interesting story.  We should discuss it someday during the afterglow.

Some guys can do it psychologically.  Train yourself not to orgasm because orgasm equals babies.  Still wear a condom though, pre-cum has sperm in it too.  Then when you get close, back off, give her some face until the feeling passes.  If I deny the first orgasm, I can go just shy of forever.  But make sure that your partner is a willing participant or it may end badly for you.  I had a woman break up with me because she claimed I was faking orgasm.  This woman would cry if she could not get me to cum quickly, so I started faking it.  Funny thing is, the time she accused me of faking it, I hadn’t.  So make sure to keep it real.

Now some of us are just not meant to be marathon men.  Don’t worry about it.  Dr Tim has an answer for you.  Use some of Doc Johnson’s Prolong Male Genital Desensitizer.  Just a dab under the head and you will increase your sack time.  And who knows?  Maybe after a while you won’t need it any more.

So how long is too long?

If you dick doesn’t go down after four hours and you haven’t been playing – run to the doctor.

If you are a marathon sled dog – it’s over when she says it’s over.  Make sure she is happy and just maybe she will stick around to finish you off.

Now MUSH!

Vibrator Addiction (R-R-R-R-R-Really?)

Vibrator Addiction.  Next on DrTim.  Stay tuned!

The question has been raised.  What are the pros and cons of using a vibrator and can you become addicted?

From bumblebees in a hollow piece of wood to today’s finest metal, plastic and motors, vibrators are a big, big seller.  There are many articles on the history of vibrators. You should look them up.  I’ll wait…

Now that you are either completely knowledgable or thoroughly confused, let’s take a look at the vibrator.  Why does it exist?  Isn’t a dildo or strap-on good enough?

While vibrators have been around for a long, long time, most people believe that they were invented to cure hysteria in women.  Yep.  Only women suffer from hysteria and the only cure is a good orgasm.  Except, back then, hysteria was an excitable condition and women didn’t have orgasms.  Well, the good ones didn’t.  And after all, who isn’t calmer after a good cum?

We’ve come a long way baby!  So, in my warped little mind, here is why they really invented the vibrator.  It has nothing to do with the failure of many men to help their partner achieve orgasm. (Well, maybe a little. See my post about the Amazing Clitoris. ( https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/)

My belief is that it was either a well-intended lover who created it for their Lady or the Lonely Lady herself.  Dildos have existed much longer than vibrators.  Since the Dawn of Man, we have been looking for things to stick into our orifices.  Us and the bonobos.  We like it.  It feels good.  And we are all really sex-oriented creatures who if we could, would just eat, sleep and fuck like every other animal on the planet.  Blogging?  Who would have the time?

Back to the vibrator.  Dildos are great.  They are sweet, smooth rides that don’t pinch us or pull our hair during the act of masturbation.  However, they don’t move the same way.  I want to believe that the vibrator was invented as an attempt to replicate the heartbeat and quiver of your human lover.  We do not just insert and lie there. Well, the good ones don’t.  But just by being alive we transmit a hum, a frequency, a throbbing to let you know we are there and experiencing emotion.  A dildo is like a Honey Badger.  The Honey Badger don’t care!

But a vibrator!  Ah!  That hums, it vibrates, it has a throb that lets you know it is there and means to take care of business!  It can send your nerve endings into overdrive. Which brings us to Vibrator Addiction…

Does it exist?  I don’t know.  If you research and study long enough, you may find just as many arguments for vibrator addiction as against it.  As for me, I don’t happen to believe in many “ailments” of the modern human.  We seem to be, as a species, intent on discovering conditions in an attempt to cure whatever behavior we do not like in ourselves.  Why?  To make money and let the World know that it is Not Our Fault.

So why use a vibrator?

It is quick, clean, teases us just the right way and it doesn’t snore.  Seriously, vibrators massage our muscles to relieve the tension.  And a little clitoral stimulation is a good thing.  Some folks like to have a vibrator inserted deeply and feel the throb.  It’s all good.  You should buy one.  Or two.  Or twenty!  (Just make sure to look for Doc Johnson on the label!  If it’s from the Doc, it is as good as cock! TM)  Be sure to buy lube too!  I’ll tell you why:

Everything is better with a bit o’lube on it!  If you vibrate dry, penetration is difficult, and you may over-stimulate the nerve endings in your clitoris.  If you over-stimulate, the nerve endings will shut down and you might think that you broke your clit.  You didn’t.  You just gave it an owie.  Take some time to relax.  If you already had an orgasm, slip into a warm tub and soak.  And keep you fingers off it for a while.  It is the same with men.  If they jerk off without lube, the penis becomes a bit numb, delayed ejaculation, chafing and bleeding.  If this is the case.  Just stop touching it!

The lube will keep things slick and moving.  Can you become addicted to masturbation?  Um, I think we all are addicted to masturbation.  It feels good and releases endorphins.

Can you become addicted to vibrators.  Well, sure.  People can become addicted to anything if the set their minds to it.  (We like to use the word Fetish instead of addiction for fun things.)  I wouldn’t recommend using one every time though.  Mix it up, get a human partner, enjoy all of the sensations that life can give you.  However, if you can no longer orgasm without mechanical help or by masturbation, maybe you should talk to someone.  After all, humans were built as social creatures for there is strength in numbers.  But if you are happier that way, who am I to talk?  Be happy.  Sex is whatever you want it to be and as long as you are not damaging anyone physically, emotionally or mentally, have at it.

To sum up:

Pros: Fun, easy, endorphins, easy to hide, easy to clean, won’t hog the covers

Cons: Too much can numb the nerves, can’t hug you after a bad day, never cooks

So like I said, buy sixty or seventy and try them all.  But in my humble opinion, vibrators are the most fun if you use them together.

(Don’t be such a stranger!  Write to me!)

Valentine’s Day (or Get your Heart-On!)

Seriously, how could I not do a special Valentine’s Day Post?  All the other bloggers are doing it!  (And if they all jumped off a bridge, well I would double-check my bungee cord!)

Sex.  Valentine’s Day is all about sex.  No, no!  Do not even try to deny it.  You come across with the goods and they just plain cum.

Chocolates for sex or sex for diamonds it is all the same.  (G-d bless the chocolates ladies!  The Boss pays me well, but not that well!)

So let’s talk about chocolate!  Eating chocolate can simulate those warm, gooey feelings of being in love.  How?  Well, chocolate has many different chemicals in it that can really help.  For example:  The chemicals in chocolate affect levels of the body’s mood-affecting chemicals, which include serotonin, endorphins, theobromine and phenylethylamine. Serotonin is a chemical messenger in the brain that affects emotions, behavior, and thought. Endorphines are chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. Theobromine is stimulant found in cocoa which gives chocolate mood elevating effects. Phenylethylamine is a naturally occurring neuroamine which has been shown to relieve depression, increase attention and promote energy. Your body releases phenylethylamine in response to romance.

WHEW!  Science on a holiday.  I am truly a madman.  Chocolate, dark chocolate especially, contains many essential vitamins and minerals for your body’s health.    Oh, and it appears that the antioxidants in dark chocolate can increase you “good” HDL cholesterol levels.  Try to keep it to two ounces a day though.

I know, everything to excess, moderation is for monks.  But monks tend to live quite a while and you wouldn’t want to miss out on the adventure would you?

Now some of you folks out there are wondering, is it OK to indulge in anal sex or breast copulation (Tit-fucking) on Valentine’s Day?  Sure it is!  After all, what other body parts are heart-shaped?  Turn that tushie upside down and there is a beautiful heat for you to penetrate with your Cupid’s arrow.  And when you cup her breasts, ta-daaa!  Another heart shape.  Just meant to be written on with your own special ink.  Just be sure to lend a warm washcloth or whatever help she desires to clean up.

So bring home the chocolates, the flowers, the panties, the jewelry and most importantly the Doc Johnson lubricants and toys.  (Remember? I work there.)  Show your Significant Other how much you love, how much you think and how much you desire to hold them, tease them and please them.  And just maybe, if you are sincere, you will get an extra helping of good loving in return.

Hopefully, today isn’t the only day you are scheduled to have sex.  My love knows no time or date.  Heck it doesn’t even own a calendar!  But if this is the one day when the two of you can let down your defences and joyfully give yourselves to each other, do not let any one spoil your day.  For today is all about Love, which coincidentally is the story about my life. 

My life is about Love.  What’s yours?

Happy New Year! (And it looks great!)

Here we are again.  Another year older and deeper in debt.  But, most of us are still working, are relatively healthy and get enough to eat.  Yay us!

I get comments from folks that my job must be a non-stop thrill-ride.  That I must have more fun on a Monday morning than most people do all weekend.  And they are mostly correct.  However, there is also great sacrifice and dedication that goes into my work.  Do you think I would give anyone a product to try that I haven’t used myself?

No, I wouldn’t.  And I wouldn’t expect anyone to try anything that hasn’t been tested on myself or one of my lab slaves.

Let me tell you about sacrifice.

There are a couple of major trade shows going on this week and weekend.  There will be toys, lubes, dvds, major porn performers and more!  But do you think these things just happen?  Heck to the NO!

I spent my New Year’s Eve weekend testing new products with a most wonderfully open-minded group of like individuals.  (Some of whom you have seen in films…)  There were women, men, trans, midgets, all colors, shapes and sizes, you name it, they were there.  We started Friday afternoon and continued on to Sunday Lunchtime.  And let me tell you, there was no toy, lube, position, combination or video left undone.  Nothing was left unprobed.  Some products passed with flying colors.  Some went to the recycle bin.  Most were used up and worn out.  Just like us.

The lubes had to reduce the friction co-efficient adequately to facilitate multiple rounds of penetration of varying depths and rates of acceleration.  Which means they had to be slippery as all get out, fast or slow and last long enough for everyone to be happy.  There were all types of products to lube, eat and drink for every occasion.  (Most of which are still Top Secret so I can’t tell you much yet!)

The Good Old Doc himself went into sensory overload more than once.  And I am pretty experienced so that should tell you something.  It was probably Monday afternoon before the buzzing in my ears stopped.  Oh the toys!  The colors, the colors!  Oh the humanity!  Thank goodness they finally untied me.

But we did it.  For you.  Because we care.  Your pleasure is our business and we aim to please.

So next time you think we have some of the best jobs in the world, think again.

We do…

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