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Advanced Research! (or, Come and knock on our door…)

Greetings Earthlings!  (And a cheerful “Howdy” to all of my off-world fans!)

As you know, Dr Tim takes his job very seriously.

Today as I was studying a trade journal, I ran across an interesting article with a very interesting concept.  It seems that a major brand of chips was going to launch some new packaging and they wanted a specific feel to go with it.  Here is a short blurb about their strategy:

“…As part of the research process, the corporate team actually partied with consumers in their own homes, versus focus group testing, to immerse themselves in what defines a party. Part of this included observing what resonates with consumers based on the visual influencers in their environment, in addition to what they served, what other brands they identified with, and how they entertained…”

WOW!

Can you see where I am going with this?

In order to help me help you, I am willing to get down with you in your own home, to discover what defines “sex” to you.  I will observe what influences your bedroom behaviour, what you use and what items you identify with during sex.

That’s right!  You too can have Dr Tim join you in your bedroom in the interest of science!  I will lend a hand, steady the ladder and make notes about your preferred lube for butt-fucking, which dildo you like or do you want a strap-on?  Do you use any flavoring enhancers during blow jobs or kitty licking?  What about rimming?  Don’t forget about the rimming!

And there is always Fifty Shades of WHOO-HOO!!!  Whip me, beat me, feel me, fuck me, bite me, burn me, cum on my tits and get on with your life!

I will be there for you so that the Mighty Doc Johnson can address your needs even more directly than before…

You will think we designed these toys just for you and you know what?  You will be one hundred percent correct.

So let me know if you are ready to enter the world of scientific research.  We’ll meet in your bedroom, backroom, garage, alley, dungeon or wherever.  I’ll be the one with the lab coat, camcorder and big smile.

It’s on Baby.  It’s on!

(Mothers of five-year olds must secure a sitter before actual action ensues…)

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2013 (or, Here we go again!)

Ho, ho, ho!  Happy New Year!

Now I certainly do not want to rain on your Rose Parade, but…

All that happened was this little ball of dirt we call home completed another circuit around the sun.  Hooray.

We are celebrating Cosmic Nascar.   And Mercury just lapped us again.

Oh Bother!  (Yes, bother. Didn’t you read the classics when you were a kid?)

However, I am a not fussy man.  Not like Old Uncle Bloggsy, who has his own blog; http://www.newberry.org/book-fair-blog.  He puts the “mudge” in curmudgeon.

2012 was full of memorable events.  Some of which filled me with joy, others that left me sobbing by the side of the road.  Nevertheless, it was ride not to be missed.  Now that I think of it, perhaps New Year doesn’t come from a bottle.  And the true meaning of New Year is something much more.  It is a reference point.  And any scientist will tell you, reference points are most important.  This is a time when we traditionally look at ourselves and assess the good and the bad.

So how did you do?

Dr Tim’s year was a bit extreme.  I sunk as low as a man could go.  Went into isolation.  Hell looked like Heaven after what I was going through.  And it burned.  I had my soul hammered on the anvils of Hell.  My thoughts, principles, ethics and life were in balance.  And I almost let go.  Would have been easy too.  No more pain, no more suffering, no more darn alarm clocks.  Death has always fascinated me.  When my first wedding became known folks commented that it was like “Edgar Allen Poe marrying Sylvia Plath.”  There no longer seemed to be a point.

But then that old spark lit up my brain like the Fourth of July.  Seems as though I am made of some pretty stern stuff.  I remembered who I was; I was me the whole time.  Imagine my surprise.  Found my reference point, re-anchored and came out the other side.  Singed, but shining.  Told you that reference points were important.

And how I laughed as Kathy Griffin kept trying to give Anderson Cooper a blowjob on CNN.  She slips down to her knees very easily, if you catch my drift.  Suddenly I am much more attracted to her!

2013, how ya doing?  Not sure what you have in store for me, but in the words of a famous politician, “Bring It On!”

Oh yes, be sure to love and always use your Official Doc Johnson Toys and Lubes!  After all, if I am sticking around, Daddy needs to get paid!  (ANME Show next week!  Wait until you see what Doc Johnson is bringing soon to a bedroom near you!)