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Strap It On!

This topic was brought on by a comment I made in an earlier post called “Grilled Cheese Sandwich.”  But I needed the proper motivation to write this piece.  Well with the theme from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” playing in the background, I can man up and tackle the subject.

Men and Strap-ons

OK, what is a strap-on?  It is a device where a dildo or vibrator is held in a harness that is strapped onto another person.  The strap generally goes around the waist and between the legs with a holding device on the front to mount a sex toy.

Take it like a Man!

Take it like a Man!

You may be thinking, “Ain’t nobody going to stuff a banana up my tailpipe!”

Fair enough.

But let’s take a closer look at why we would think think that.  Lots of men would and do love engaging in anal sex with the ladies.  C’mon, how many of you guys have ever watched a woman walk away and thought, even for just a second, how warm and tight that would feel?  Oh yeah, pretty much all of us.

Some women have the attitude of, “If he wants me to take it back there, he can take it back there too so he knows how it feels.”

WHEW!  There’s a thought.  Reminds me of an old joke.  Remind me to tell it to you sometime.  Turns the whole world around when you think about bending over for her doesn’t it?  Yet you want her to do it without a second thought, don’t you?  Yeah you do.

But taking it up the ass doesn’t make her gay!  Women are supposed to be all access!  Since when?  I don’t remember getting that email or seeing that story in the New York Times.  Not even the Leisure section.

So it’s pretty much the gay thing isn’t it?  I thought so.  Well, like I mentioned before, don’t ever let yourself be talked into doing anything that you really, really don’t want to do.  Either of you.  So you may never get to enter through her backdoor.  Deal with it.  Nor do you have to give yours up either.  But I’m going to get medical on you here.

Prostate massage.  Learn it, live it, love it.  Yes I know that once a year you bend over and your doctor gives you the finger.  That’s different.  The doc is looking for any abnormal swelling.  And you know what happens when you get an enlarged prostate: constant urge to urinate, depressed libido and possibly an operation that takes away your ability for erection.  Damn.  Do you really want to risk that?  Sure, medicine has advanced, but you might still end up needing a balloon inserted in your penis and have to pump it up like a ball before the game.  Of course prostate massage is not guaranteed to eliminate risk of an enlarged prostate, but the massage is recommended by many physicians.

Learn it, love it!

Learn it, love it!

If you can loosen up a little, perhaps enjoy a little rimming (God bless her!) and a finger, you could learn all about prostate massage.  It can be a truly liberating experience.  Incredibly intimate experience with your Lady with one hand or mouth up front and a digit or two in the back will literally blow your mind! 

But your lover’s finger isn’t a rubber cock is it?  Back to gay paranoia.  Look, if your aren’t interested in having sex with men, a strap-on isn’t going to change your mind or character.  You can be the toughest linebacker in the league and still enjoy a good ramming from your Lady.  If the two of you are interested, start small.  Now you understand the look on her face when you brought home that enormous dildo from the bachelor party.  Consider the consequences of that sliding home inside you!

Another world turning moment, huh?

If your partner has any toys, look at them together.  What scares you the least?  Don’t worry.  She will be attentive and she will be very concerned about your well-being.  Especially if this is something she really, really wants to do.  So take a shower and be sure to wash well back there.

Get comfortable and pick a position.  Some men prefer doggy, so she can’t see the fear in your face the first time.  Some men prefer to be on their backs so that there is instant non-verbal feedback during the playtime.  Women are usually very good at picking expressions and clues that we never seem to see or even know that we are broadcasting.  Some men only let their partner play with their backdoor in a BDSM setting.  After all, if you are tied up you aren’t responsible for what happens to you, right?  (We will explore this thought process in a different post later, after more science stuff.)

Pick a toy.  Partake in some extended foreplay.  See?  It really is important.  Use lots of lube.  Let her try her finger and if that goes well, have her put in another, then a third.  It will feel strange.  Kind of like you want to have a bowel movement.  Don’t worry, if you went earlier and washed well, nothing embarrassing should happen.

Ready?  Here comes the toy.  She will go slowly and treat you the way she would like to be treated.  Please take note of this.  You may well get your turn later in the evening.  Don’t mess it up.  You will feel weird.  Your anus will feel stretched and will start to tingle.  Some men have an orgasm right there.  Some don’t.  Take it like a man.  You are planting the roses and doing it for her.  Many of you will actually learn to enjoy it.

She will go nuts for you.  You became vulnerable and opened up for her.  You trusted her.  You trusted her with your very manhood.  And you both probably got great orgasms out of it.  It could be a one time thing or could be added to your bedroom rotation.  At worst, it didn’t work out and one or either of you didn’t like it.  That is OK!  The point is you experimented together and could be drawn closer by the experience.  You understand her point of view by switching places.  It’s not for everybody.  If one of you likes it but the other doesn’t, well we know how to handle ourselves while staying true to a monogamous relationship don’t we?

At best, it is an incredible bonding experience.  One that is fulfilling, exciting and just plain hot.  There can be a lot of back and forth and marathon sex sessions are always welcome.  And they start happening more and more often too!

So does taking a finger, toy or strap-on make you gay.  Hell no!  But it will open doors to closer intimacy and who knows what experiment is next?  I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

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1,4-Dioxane – Are we all going to die?

So there I was a few months back, blissfully washing my hair.  (Yes, I still have some.  There’s not much there, but it is all mine!)  When my attention was brought to an article proclaiming that many name brand organic shampoos contained 1,4-dioxane a listed carcinogenic material.

My first thought was, “Now I know why all my hair is falling out!”

My first thought was incorrect.

So, let’s talk about 1,4-dioxane and what it means to us.

What is 1,4-dioxane?  Looking to the US Department of Health and Human Services, we find that 1,4 dioxane is used as a solvent in processing other materials and is used as a reagent in laboratories.  One use common to our lives is when manufacturers treat vegetable oils with 1,4-dioxane to help them function as a surfactant.  So that’s where it might show up in organic or natural shampoo.

Where is it? You know, it can show up just about anywhere.  It has been found in tap water, in contaminated air, contaminated food, cosmetics and more!

Cosmetics?  Yep.  It can appear as a trace contaminant because of reasons we talked about earlier.

Wait!  You’re a chemist!  I sure am!  And I do believe in better living through modern science, but that doesn’t mean I support all things chemical.  There is an old saying that goes “The dose makes the poison.”  For example, belladonna – a little inflames, a lot kills.  1,4-dioxane – a lot can cause liver and kidney damage, a little, well we just don’t know what happens.

Can I avoid it?  Sure!  If you would like to avoid 1,4-dioxane, avoid all products that have some of the following words: PEG, Polyethylene, Polyethylene Glycol, Polyoxyethylene, -eth or -oxynol-.  Many chemical manufacturers have added a simple cost-effective process that removes any remaining contamination, but there is no way the consumer can know from whom the shampoo guys buy their chemicals.  Call the 800 number or send an email or letter to the maker of your products and ask.  I would answer it.  They should too.

Will it cause cancer?  Tough question.  It does pose a risk in animals but not aquatic ones apparently.   Fish and plants do not seem to accumulate it.  There are no studies or tests done in humans.  Just hasn’t happened.  The risk is rather unknown.

HUH?  What few studies have been done show that there is a generally accepted safe exposure limit of 10 ppm of 1,4-dioxane.  It is listed as reasonably anticipated to be a human carcinogen.  That means it hasn’t been proved conclusively, but the likelihood is high. 

Now what do we do?  Well, you can avoid cosmetics that have chemical names like those outlined above, if you live near a hazardous waste dump, don’t drink the water and don’t let your children play near the dump.  Especially after a good rain.  1,4-dioxane is stable in water.  Drink uncontaminated bottled water.

You can ask your doctor to test you for exposure, but he probably won’t have the equipment.  However he can collect the samples from you (urine or blood) and ship them to a lab.  But it has to be quick.  1,4-dioxane and its byproducts leave the human body fairly quickly.  So if you think you have been exposed to high amounts, test within a couple days.

Friend or Foe?  The jury is out on this one.  I will call it personal choice.  I know that my products use uncontaminated surfactants.  But if you aren’t sure, I would recommend that you avoid it.

Questions?  Send me a note!  I will answer, maybe privately but very likely in this column.  Let me know if you need your identity hidden for privacy.

Grilled Cheese Sandwich!

I was roaming around some other blogs and ran across an interesting entry on www.funsextoyreview.wordpress.com about love bullets.  I did mention early on that we would not only discuss chemicals and materials, but that we would, from time to time, address the emotional impact of sex toys and cosmetics as well.  Here we go.

(OK, for transparency sake, her blog is a sister blog to mine and we work at the same company.  That is not going to change my point: She mentions using a sex toy in conjunction with her partner.  Secondary vibrations are awesome!  Read her blog.  Tell her Tim sent you.)

Using sex toys or as we called them in the old days marital aids, is a wonderful addition to your bedroom repetoire.  But there are a few things to think about before you do…

Some guys have a problem with sex toys.  There it is.  Right out in the open.  Dildos and vibrators can be rather intimidating.  Sex toys are low maintenance, always ready to go, they don’t need their egos stroked, they never had a bad day, and never ask you to do weird things!  I mean, when was the last time your dildo asked you to make him a grilled cheese sandwich?  

Oh yeah, dildos are larger than a majority of men too.  *sigh*   It is hard enough trying to be a man these days, but to have your lady bring a big rubber penis into your bedroom?  What is she saying?  Aren’t I enough for her?  Does she want to leave me?  Does she expect me to touch another penis?  Even if it is fake?  My dick isn’t that small is it?  More issues than a newstand.

I am talking to the men here:  Relax!  You’re fine.  She is looking to increase your excitement and create a closer bond with you.  Haven’t you ever wished you could do two or more things at once with her?  Now you can!  She will love the additional stimulation and vibrations.  Don’t be surprised if she wants to have sex more often!

She is not leaving.  If she was, she wouldn’t be trying new things in the bedroom with you.  Everyone has a secret itch that needs scratching.  Be honored she trusts you enough to let you in on her secret.  Yes, you are that much of a stud.  Besides, unless you are swingers, she does not want anyone else in bed with you!  She loves you.  She wants you.  She is crazy about your dick.  And no, touching a rubber penis does not make you gay.  Think of it as a tool in your bedroom toolbox.  Kind of like a special hammer or “screw”driver.  Imagine being a handyman with everything she needs in and under your toolbelt.  (Hard hat optional)

Ladies: Do not sneak up behind your man wearing a strap-on.  Unless he is into it.

So it all comes down to communication and intimacy.  Discuss your feelings and fantasies in a safe environment.  It is OK to get turned on during the discussion.  Try not to grab each other until the conversation is finished.  I know it is hard to hide that horrified look on your face at some particular fantasy, acknowledge but don’t condemn the kinky thoughts.  Never say never, but don’t let yourself be talked into something you really, really don’t want to do.  Either of you.

Sex toys are fun.  I love them!  They can add a new dimension to your lovemaking.  They can take your intimacy to another level.  They can really improve your sexual health as an individual and as a couple.  After all, what is hotter than than leaving your partner exhausted and totally satisfied?

Nothing.  Not even a grilled cheese sandwich.