Today’s missive from the bedroom comes to us from the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston.
Their study discovered that men who consume more caffeine have a lower risk of erectile dysfunction. It worked for obese, overweight and hypertensive men too. (Except diabetics, they are fucked!)
The US Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee’s position is that drinking 3-5 cups of coffee per day reduces the risk of type-2 diabetes and heart disease. Those are two of the biggest baddies related to your not being able to perform.
So how much java do we need? (Programmers need not reply.) The magic number to reduce the possibility of impotence is 2-3 cups per day. Now they did take all the normal sources of caffeine into account including coffee, tea, soda and even sports drinks. No mention of energy drinks though, must have been an oversight. Here are how the numbers break down:
Control Group – 0-7 mg of caffeine daily
Moderate Drinkers – 85-170 mg – 42% less chance of erectile dysfunction
Heavy Drinkers – 171-303 mg – 39% less chance of erectile dysfunction
Bear in mind that a good cup of coffee (K-Cup) has about 120 mg in 8 fluid ounces. If you want to check lots of stuff about caffeine, go to one of my favorite websites http://www.caffeineinformer.com/
It will fill you in on the amount of caffeine in food and drinks, but best of all, click on the tab for caffeine calculator. You type in your favorite drink, your weight and it will tell you how much you can safely drink (based of caffeine content) and also give you the amount you would have to consume for the caffeine to kill you! Loads of laughs.
Here is how they think it works: The caffeine relaxes certain muscles and arteries in the penis which enhances your ability to have an erection by increasing blood flow. So when you are clubbing, throw back some shots of espresso. You’ll be sober, hard and ready for action.
Benefits are three-fold;
You have an excuse to drink up! It’s not that you want the caffeine, you’re doing it for her!
You become a marathon sled dog! No more one and done for you.
You probably won’t fall asleep right after coitus. That may not be a benefit, but it works for her.
Since you’re up, you might as well use some great Doc Johnson products. The two of you will need to lay in a stock of lubricant, strokers and dildos. Good for those long session either together or by yourself. And do we have some cool stuff for you.
That’s the big one too!
Vicky Vette – Sweet Lady – D*mn hot fuck!
So grab a cup o’Joe and he will probably give you cup-full!
Here is a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Orgasms. I’ve been studying them for years. Not clinically, but let’s just say that I have completed years of informal study. (Mostly my own, sadly.)
Presented for your evaluation: In the August 18, 2014 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, a study was conducted on the rate of orgasms achieved with a regular partner. The results may or may not startle you.
Men (Gay or Straight) – 75% of the time
Women (Lesbian) – 75 % of the time
Women (Straight) – 63% of the time.
So what’s the deal? Nobody knows. Although there is some very interesting data presented. The difference between straight and gay women is particularly significant. One of the study leaders implied that perhaps penetrative sex is more crucial to straight women than for gay women. Not sure how I feel about that. It seems that our perceptions of sex, what it is versus what we think it should be causes many of our problems. Everyone has an idea of the perfect sexual encounter. And if sex does not happen that way, perhaps orgasm becomes elusive.
Also, the research brings up a common complaint. There needs to be better communication between partners. Here is a quote from the study about heterosexual partners: “The most successful means of increasing satisfaction has always been increased communication and attentiveness to the partner’s responsiveness,” Lloyd said. In other words, talk and pay attention.
Well, yeah. That goes for pretty much everybody. Notice how your partner is reacting and adjust accordingly. One clue is when she says. “Oh yeah, right there!” If she says that, keep doing exactly what you are doing. Make it good. Make it epic!
Talk about sex. Experiment. It takes a lot of work to develop trust between partners. Who knows, maybe she needs some additional stimulation or perhaps a good vibrator. Now where can you find something like that? That’s right, DOC JOHNSON! Take a trip to your local sex toy emporium or go online. Doc Johnson has tons of toys, lubricants and implements of mass pleasure. Collect them all and trade them with your friends!
Now I have added a link to a website that will give you more information, but let’s end on another quote.
“Satisfaction is different from orgasm — many women can be sexually satisfied without orgasm,” Lloyd said. “We can’t infer that there are legions of unsatisfied heterosexual women because of this study. We’d have to ask them.”
If you need me, I will be out in the field conducting research…
There was a follow-up article in The Lancet this month about the success of lab-grown vaginas. Yes, you read that correctly.
Seems there is a rather rare (or so we hope) birth defect where females are born without complete genital formation. One interview I read was with a woman who was born without a vaginal canal. Pretty serious stuff. Not only does it make life difficult in general, but it could mess with your head too.
Doctors took cells from the patients, created the new tissue and grafted it back onto their bodies. This was pure science fiction stuff back when I was a baby scientist. One study dealt with women suffering from Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser syndrome, a genetic condition where the women’s vagina and/or uterus is either underdeveloped or absent. They harvested muscle and epithelial cells via a biopsy of their genitals. (Epithelial cells line the body cavities and can release fluid and feel sensations.) Grew the tissue that was fastened to a biodegradable scaffold which was hand-sewn into a vagina. Then the surgeons created a canal in the patient’s pelvis and stitched the scaffold into place on their reproductive systems.
The body then forms nerves and blood vessels into the graft and gradually replaced the scaffold with a permanent functioning organ. This was done between 2005 and 2008. Annual check-ups show that the lab-grown vaginas and extremely similar to natural tissue in form and function. Even the doctors could barely tell where the natural tissue ended and the graft began! The women also tested normal in all areas of sexual function which includes desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm and sexual satisfaction.
Isn’t that cool? The doctors are now looking into using the same technique for women with cancer or have been injured in accidents. Anyone needing vaginal reconstruction.
More amazing efforts on the part of science and medicine. In an age where science is “evil,” I’m proud to be a scientist.
Now if they could just get 6-7 inch penis enlargement working…
Until that happens, Doc Johnson does have some nice penis extensions. Like this wonderful toy:
Did you ever want to be a marathon sled dog in the sack? Of course you did. We all did. There is hope.
There was a presentation of a small study at the European Congress of Urology in Stockholm recently. Turns out that there may be something you can do in the privacy of your own home to increase your stamina in bed. Exercise. Yep, exercise.
In the study were 40 men, aged 19-46, with lifelong premature ejaculation. They followed a 12 week program of exercising their floor pelvic muscles. And guess what happened.
After the three months, the period of time to reach ejaculation increased from 32 seconds to 2.5 minutes! That is astounding. That gave them 4.6 times longer to enjoy lovemaking with their significant other.
Think about that for a second. These men went from your basic “in-out-done” to a much more intimate sexual relationship. One where there was time to gaze into eyes, call out names several times or re-weave their hair from behind. Can you imagine the psychological impact of this?
Think of the increase in self-confidence. That man can now enjoy his life better, improve his relationship, get a raise and be who he always thought he could be. And that is a d*mn sexy trait in men.
You see, if someone could ease one of their biggest disappointments in life, the world opens up to him. Now pelvic floor exercises have been used to improve incontinence in men for years. Especially after prostate surgery. But they had never really tried them for premature ejaculation, well, not for anyone that suffered from it for a long time. Great stuff.
I certainly hope when they publish and can run larger studies that this will hold true.
Now Doc Johnson, amazing company that it is, cannot help you exercise. You gotta do that on your own buddy. However, when you are not in the gym, we can help delay your premature ejaculation as well.
These are what the FDA calls “Male Genital Desensitizers.” Using benzocaine, it will decrease the amount of stimulation you feel through your penis. That should really help you out in the interim.
Just apply to the underside of the head of your penis, wait a second or two, then proceed with your business. I don’t care who you are sticking it to, but hopefully this will make the encounter more fun for both of you.
Here are a couple links about how you can start doing these exercises today:
How I love when science moves towards filling our expectations. I mean, sure it is 2014 and I don’t have a flying car yet, but this is almost as good.
Seems that scientists in the US have patented an implant that would give women an orgasm at the touch of a button. I know, right? There is a lot of orgasmic dysfunction out there in the world and many women have problems reaching climax. Any number of issues can cause this problem. One of them, apparently, is that with similar physical responses women can confuse arousal with fear which makes them want to avoid the situation. Therapy is available, but guess what, Valium can delay orgasm. Who knew? We could talk about the causes of orgasmic dysfunction until the cows come home and still not have scratched the surface.
So let’s move on to the discovery. A North Carolina surgeon, Stuart Meloy, got the idea when he was performing a spinal pain-relief operation on a woman. The patient stays alert during the operation so that the surgeon can plant the electrodes in the best position. Apparently he found her sweet spot as she orgasmed on the operating table. Clinical trails should begin later this year.
Dr. Meloy began working with Medtronic and developed the device. Right now, it is just smaller than a pack of cigarettes and would be implanted in the buttocks. Then you get a nifty remote to trigger it. This is just as invasive as getting a pacemaker, so they would like to limit it to extreme cases.
Like that’s going to happen. He also wants to program it to limit how much it can be used. Not gonna happen either. If it is successful, they will become as popular as breast implants. Everyone is going to want one. I imagine as time goes on, the device will get smaller and smaller and be much easier to obtain. Who wouldn’t want Orgasms on Tap? And can you imagine unending multiple orgasms? Some women will never get out of bed again!
They haven’t tested it on men yet, but expect similar results.
What do you think? Aid or the end of humanity? Everyone should have orgasms, but they are more fun together. Let’s keep hooking up people! And while you are doing that, I will be trying to figure out how to get Doc Johnson’s name on that thing. Or at least the universal remote…
It is a beautiful Monday morning out here in Southern California. I understand there may be a bit of rain Out East, but try to stay dry and warm now. You hear?
So many questions! I do believe that it is time to address a few of them and undress the askers.
Q1. Are sex toys actually useful or are they something to hide behind?
A. Sex toys are very useful. They can help folks expand their sexual repertoire, help them understand desires and assist them score some really great orgasms! Sex toys can help build the trust between couples and get single people through the night. Can you hide behind them? Well I’ve seen some pretty big toys, but none to hide behind! (By the way, Doc Johnson sells sex toys for all tastes, desires and needs. If you need a substitute cock, call the Doc!)
Q2. What about lubricants?
A. Deary, deary me! Lubricants are very helpful and fun! (remember, I make them, Doc Johnson sells them!) Lubricants help folks that want to add different flavors to their favorite partner, lubricate orifices that do not naturally lubricate themselves and are a must when inserting oversize objects or fists. I recommend that you always keep a bottle or two on hand for just such an emergency. When my son was younger, the wife and I would put it on the doorknob. Made it tough for him to turn…
Q3. Can you make semen taste like chocolate?
A. Working on it. If I do, my next blog will be sent from an as of yet undesignated island.
Q4. Do you always think about sex?
A. Well, yes. My job is thinking of ways to enhance your sexual experience. And then turn it into a real thing. Not everyone needs or wants these items, but they are incredibly important to others. Your satisfaction is my business.
Q5. WHich is better for a quickie, oral or anal sex?
A. Dr Tim does not do quickies. If you do not have a couple of hours to play, don’t start with me. However, oral sex is pretty darn good for a quickie. But then again, so is anal or even regular intercourse. There is no best or better. Only you and your partner know what will work for you. Whatever happened to a good old handie now and then?
Q6. Why are strap-ons so popular these days?
A. Beats me! I guess that more and more people are open to the pleasures derived from them. More men have discovered the pleasures of prostate massage and more women have discovered the joy of helping. Of course many same-sex couples use strap-ons as well. Is there anything a strap-on can’t do? Oh yeah, it cannot get you pregnant.
Q7. What about chemicals?
A. What about them?
Q8. Are the chemicals used in sex toys, lubricants and cosmetics bad for you?
A. From the top: Everything is a chemical. Water, air, fruit, flowers, everything. There are only so many elements that we know about in this world and they make up everything.
Q9. Phthalates or parabens ring a bell?
A. Yes. And although many phthalates have been banned around the world, science has not shown any danger from the most popular. They were banned by emotion, not science. Parabens also have a sixty year history of safe use, but they have been taken out of many products due to the public which would rather demand things than learn about them. You forgot to mention BPA. It is in every canned good you have ever purchased. Relax a little. Scientist do not want to poison, you, hurt you or kill you. If we did, who would buy our products? By the way, Doc Johnson does not use phthalates and parabens are being phased out.
Q10. How many licks does it take?
A. Ask Lil’ Kim.
Q11. You think you’re so smart! Why did you pick the Detroit Tigers in the World Series?
A. Shut up.
Well, we are out of time folks! Keep those cards, letters, emails and dirty pictures coming in!
For many people, “scientist” is a bad word. After all, don’t we as evil scientists try our best to destroy the planet in every movie, television show, novel, etc.?
Trust me. If we wanted the world destroyed, it would already be gone.
And I am an older scientist. One who remembers the “Good Old Days” before we were hampered with so many laws, rules and regulations. When I was a Baby Scientist, we could pretty much do whatever we wanted with impunity. Now we have governments telling us what and what cannot use when they have very little grasp of basic chemistry.
We didn’t always know what we were doing, but hey! We made penicillin, cured rabies, fought off many diseases while creating products to make life easier for you.
But that doesn’t mean everything that we can do, should be done.
Let me rephrase that. It doesn’t mean that everything we can do (and we did) should be told to the public.
CALM DOWN!
Let me give you two recent examples in the OTC/Cosmetic world.
1) It was discovered that using coral scientists created a new sunscreen. Should it have been tried? Yes. Absolutely. Should we have told the public? NO! After all, as scientists, we want to know everything about everything. That means trying stuff that would never occur to non-scientists. The world’s coral reefs are in danger. And they are a very important part of the aquatic ecosystem. I do not nor will I ever advocate the decimation of the coral reefs for the production of sunscreen. It is not necessary. That product would have to do something pretty darn impressive to make it worth risking life in the oceans.
So why did they tell us? It was an attempt to attract additional funding. Research needs money to happen. I used to work for a company on the East Coast. We had several divisions: liposomes, hyaluronic acid, biotechnology and cosmetics. I may have forgotten a few, but you get the idea. I was in charge of the OTC/Cosmetic R&D branch. The other department heads would give me grief about working in a “soft” science. They were trying to make medical breakthroughs to save humanity and I was making herbal shampoo.
My herbal shampoo was responsible for their funding. That’s right. They would never had been able to afford one fermentation tank, one HPLC or even a beaker without the sales from my products. “Soft” science indeed.
2) New anti-ageing benefits utilizing fluid from the umbilical cord! Why? Way back in the day, we used amniotic fluid in skin care. Everyone, except perhaps the French, have stopped. There is no need to exploit childbirth to obtain materials for reducing wrinkles. Plus today, any product using a chemical of human origin requires an HIV warning.
That’ll sell cosmetics!
OK, so we are all doing research and trying to advance the human condition. Is it all pretty? No. Is it all beer and skittles? Not even close. Do we still undertake personal risk? Yes. Every day. There is not one product that comes out of my lab that I would not use myself. And I test every single product we make in my lab. All of them.
You do not want to hear about the products that failed. Not every experiment is a winner. Nor should you even know about them. You want the winners. Not the runner-ups.
So things happen in labs all around the world that can be a bit hinky. We want to hear how you cured cancer and do not want to hear everything you had to go through to do it. All these experiments lead to greater knowledge.
“Well Darling, there isn’t a game on so I am thinking about boobs.’ (Famous Last Words)
And I am, unless I am thinking about pussy or ass. Maybe about how good a blowjob would feel right now.
You are correct, Dear Readers, these are not appropriate answers when you get hit by “The Question” by your Significant Other.
In fact, this question is almost worse than the “We Need to Talk” statement. Not quite, but almost.
Now I know that all of you have well-rounded lives with great jobs, community work, charity work and being a pillar of your House of Worship whichever that may be. But guess what? We all think about boobs. Even women think about boobs! I am very pro-boob and I am not afraid to say it.
So where am I going with all of this? Everyone thinks about sex. It is in just about everyone’s top five list of obsessions. Or in my case the top two, I do love cheeseburgers.
Consider this, we all think about sex. A lot really. And that leads to uncomfortable situations. Who hasn’t been caught checking someone out? Male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, everyone has been busted. It could be boobs, a bulging package or the way that ass moves under that sheer sun dress. It could be a piece of jewelry or a particular shade of lipstick. Even a fragrance can take you there.
And it could take your thoughts to uninhibited states of fantasy activities. Strap-ons, anal sex, oral sex, threesome, moresome, orgies or your handy Official Doc Johnson devices and lubes. Oh, do buy lots of Official Doc Johnson toys and lubes. If it is better than Cock, it came from the Doc!
The brain is an amazing organ where your mind constructs new realities and worlds where the impossible can happen. I have this little dream where Eva Mendez comes over to bake chocolate chip cookies with me and…
That is when you get busted. Men are caught with a small smile and a growing chubby. Women stand up and everyone looks for the velcro they just heard. (Are you sitting in a puddle or are you just happy to see me?)
And most of the time, it is a fair cop. Now I just happen to have a great job where I not only to have to think about sex constantly, but I have to think about making it better or longer-lasting, or tastier. Yep. To use business-speak, I need to maximize your sensory experience during erotic interludes. In other words, Me make bouncy-bouncy more bouncy!
Other times it is an unfortunate frustration. I was caught checking out a young college lady and was scolded for being a dirty old pervert. One, I am not dirty. I shower every day. Two, I am not that old. If it were true, I would have smiled and been about my business. When I am busted for silently perving, I admit it and ask how they busted me. Were they thinking the same things?
However that one time was different. The young lady in question was the daughter of an old girlfriend from college. She looked so much like her Mom did in college that it made me smile, remembering those happy days.
It isn’t always about sex. It just usually is…
So what’s on your naughty mind? Drop me a line and let me know! My email and twiiter are over there to the right somewhere.
However, it has been brought to my attention that one or two of you were pulled away from your computer against your will Saturday night.
Well, you missed it. Dr Tim was on the air. A nice 30 minute interview with DerekD and Peter Dickem on “The DerekD SHow.” They are on this nifty website www.pleasureradio.fm.
So go ahead, visit the site, check out the program archives and hear what I had to say. I didn’t do much for world peace, but maybe you can get a piece from our conversation.
Big shout-out to: @pleasurefm @peterdickem @dirtyderekd @drsuzy @TsWendyWilliams
Follow them on Twitter, or if boredom is more your style, follow me on Twitter! The link is over there to the right somewhere.
Quantum Cogitation 