Can you Cum? (or, Slamma Jamma!)

22 Aug 2014 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Orgasm, Psychology, Science, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Here is a topic that is near and dear to my heart: Orgasms.  I’ve been studying them for years.  Not clinically, but let’s just say that I have completed years of informal study.  (Mostly my own, sadly.)

Presented for your evaluation: In the August 18, 2014 issue of The Journal of Sexual Medicine, a study was conducted on the rate of orgasms achieved with a regular partner.  The results may or may not startle you.

Men (Gay or Straight) – 75% of the time

Women (Lesbian) – 75 % of the time

Women (Straight) – 63% of the time.

So what’s the deal?  Nobody knows.  Although there is some very interesting data presented.  The difference between straight and gay women is particularly significant.  One of the study leaders implied that perhaps penetrative sex is more crucial to straight women than for gay women.  Not sure how I feel about that.  It seems that our perceptions of sex, what it is versus what we think it should be causes many of our problems.  Everyone has an idea of the perfect sexual encounter.  And if sex does not happen that way, perhaps orgasm becomes elusive.

Also, the research brings up a common complaint.  There needs to be better communication between partners.  Here is a quote from the study about heterosexual partners: “The most successful means of increasing satisfaction has always been increased communication and attentiveness to the partner’s responsiveness,” Lloyd said. In other words, talk and pay attention.

Well, yeah.  That goes for pretty much everybody.  Notice how your partner is reacting and adjust accordingly.  One clue is when she says. “Oh yeah, right there!”  If she says that, keep doing exactly what you are doing.  Make it good.  Make it epic!

Talk about sex.  Experiment.  It takes a lot of work to develop trust between partners.  Who knows, maybe she needs some additional stimulation or perhaps a good vibrator.  Now where can you find something like that?  That’s right, DOC JOHNSON!  Take a trip to your local sex toy emporium or go online.  Doc Johnson has tons of toys, lubricants and implements of mass pleasure.  Collect them all and trade them with your friends!

Now I have added a link to a website that will give you more information, but let’s end on another quote.

“Satisfaction is different from orgasm — many women can be sexually satisfied without orgasm,” Lloyd said. “We can’t infer that there are legions of unsatisfied heterosexual women because of this study. We’d have to ask them.”

If you need me, I will be out in the field conducting research…

 

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_147977.html

IMG_9936

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!

14 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in 2012, Doc Johnson, Psychology, Valentine's Day Tags: , , , , ,

Power Flowers!

Happy Valentine’s Day!  Remember, I love YOU and there is nothing you can do about it.

Ho, Ho, Ho (or What Dr Tim wants for Christmas)

13 Dec 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Christmas, Humanity, Men, Women Tags: , , , , , ,

Many people ask me questions.

You wouldn’t believe the things they ask of me.  Well, some of you would.  If you are a regular reader of this blog, well you are probably almost as unshockable as me.  I can be surprised, but not easily shocked.

Some people actually remember me back in my younger days, before home computers, cell phones or pocket calculators.  Yes, Dr Tim still has a slide rule and knows how to use it!

So these folks say, “Dr Tim, you used to be a funny guy.  Did you ever do celebrity impressions?”

I have one.  Only one and I only perform it in December.  But for all of you who asked, actually, nobody asked.  But they shouldn’t have to ask!  I am just that kind of guy.

You don’t have to thank me, but you do have to click on the link below:

http://youtu.be/X3az_q4WFI0

Don’t forget to tip your waitresses!  (But be careful, you have to pay them when they get back up…)

Boobs! (or, What are you thinking about right now?)

14 Oct 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Sweetie, what are you thinking about right now?”

“Well Darling, there isn’t a game on so I am thinking about boobs.’  (Famous Last Words)

And I am, unless I am thinking about pussy or ass.  Maybe about how good a blowjob would feel right now.

You are correct, Dear Readers, these are not appropriate answers when you get hit by “The Question” by your Significant Other.

In fact, this question is almost worse than the “We Need to Talk” statement.  Not quite, but almost.

Now I know that all of you have well-rounded lives with great jobs, community work, charity work and being a pillar of your House of Worship whichever that may be.  But guess what?  We all think about boobs.  Even women think about boobs!  I am very pro-boob and I am not afraid to say it.

So where am I going with all of this?  Everyone thinks about sex.  It is in just about everyone’s top five list of obsessions.  Or in my case the top two, I do love cheeseburgers.

Consider this, we all think about sex.  A lot really.  And that leads to uncomfortable situations.  Who hasn’t been caught checking someone out?  Male, female, straight, gay, lesbian, bi, trans, everyone has been busted.  It could be boobs, a bulging package or the way that ass moves under that sheer sun dress.  It could be a piece of jewelry or a particular shade of lipstick.  Even a fragrance can take you there.

https://quantumcogitation.com/2009/12/11/always-sniffing-around-or-smell-my-fetish/

And it could take your thoughts to uninhibited states of fantasy activities.  Strap-ons, anal sex, oral sex, threesome, moresome, orgies or your handy Official Doc Johnson devices and lubes.  Oh, do buy lots of Official Doc Johnson toys and lubes.  If it is better than Cock, it came from the Doc!

The brain is an amazing organ where your mind constructs new realities and worlds where the impossible can happen.  I have this little dream where Eva Mendez comes over to bake chocolate chip cookies with me and…

That is when you get busted.  Men are caught with a small smile and a growing chubby.  Women stand up and everyone looks for the velcro they just heard.  (Are you sitting in a puddle or are you just happy to see me?)

And most of the time, it is a fair cop.  Now I just happen to have a great job where I not only to have to think about sex constantly, but I have to think about making it better or longer-lasting, or tastier.  Yep.  To use business-speak, I need to maximize your sensory experience during erotic interludes.  In other words, Me make bouncy-bouncy more bouncy!

So yes, I think about sex a lot.  Almost as much as a teenager with the exception that I know what I am doing.  I hope.  https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/

Other times it is an unfortunate frustration.  I was caught checking out a young college lady and was scolded for being a dirty old pervert.  One, I am not dirty.  I shower every day.  Two, I am not that old.  If it were true, I would have smiled and been about my business.  When I am busted for silently perving, I admit it and ask how they busted me.  Were they thinking the same things?

However that one time was different.  The young lady in question was the daughter of an old girlfriend from college.  She looked so much like her Mom did in college that it made me smile, remembering those happy days.

It isn’t always about sex.  It just usually is…

So what’s on your naughty mind?  Drop me a line and let me know!  My email and twiiter are over there to the right somewhere.

Dr Tim is On-the-Air (or Turn your radio on!)

10 Oct 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A post on Monday morning?

Inconceivable!

However, it has been brought to my attention that one or two of you were pulled away from your computer against your will Saturday night.

Well, you missed it.  Dr Tim was on the air.  A nice 30 minute interview with DerekD and Peter Dickem on “The DerekD SHow.”  They are on this nifty website www.pleasureradio.fm.

So go ahead, visit the site, check out the program archives and hear what I had to say.  I didn’t do much for world peace, but maybe you can get a piece from our conversation.

Big shout-out to: @pleasurefm @peterdickem @dirtyderekd @drsuzy @TsWendyWilliams

Follow them on Twitter, or if boredom is more your style, follow me on Twitter!  The link is over there to the right somewhere.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Vacation! (or Did you miss me?)

16 Sep 2011 1 Comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Fashion, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Medical, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Safe Sex, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Believe it or not, I took a vacation last week.  No, really!  I was not in my laboratory for nine days.  Nine long, empty, meaningless days…

Actually I had a grand time.  It was my first vacation in four years and my third in the last twelve years.  It seems like I take a week off every four years or so.

So what did I do?  Things that would make the Marquis de Sade jump up on a chair and go “Eeek!”

Well, I’m sure that someone would.  I spent two days travelling.  It was nice to see the green fields and blue skies of the Midwest again.  You know, they have air that can be seen through almost all of the time.  Then I came home to study.

Yes you read that correctly, I came home to study.  I was buried in quantum theory, chemistry, mathematics and porn.

A person needs to stay sharp and up-to-date with the latest and greatest theories and inventions.  Who wouldn’t want to unravel the theories of time and the universe while experiencing mind-blowing orgasms?  Somehow I find that climaxing while learning brings me to an amazing brain-gasm.  Nothing like a good cum to fix things in your brain.  The universe seems to open itself up to me during sex.  (Now you understand why I call my Lady Friends, “My World, My Universe.”)

Here you thought I ignored my studies to do a lot of screwing around!  Nonsense.  As serious students, we always recited our class notes during sex.  In fact, that is the main reason people like the dirty talk in the bedroom.  Have you ever said anything naughty that your partner forgot?  Nope, they remember every last thing you said in bed and try to hold you to it.  A lot of jewelry gets sold that way.

Did you know that two people can squeeze into an orgone box?  They can!  If you can have sex in an airplane bathroom, you can make it in an orgone box!  Although that isn’t the point.  One of these days I promise that I will write a blog about Wilhelm Reich.  His work is fascinating.

Back to my vacation!  Out of nine, I had seven days of Science, Sex and Ice Cream.  Hmm, Seven of Nine does make me think about Science, Sex and Ice Cream, although not in that exact order.

However, serious study needs a serious study group.  How fortunate that I know such a group who could really help me concentrate on my studies.  Anything that could happen, did happen!  There were tons of official Doc Johnson toys and lubes which everyone shared to their hearts’ content.  There were strap-ons, oral sex, anal, sex, vaginal sex, armpit sex, straight, gay, trans, couples, singles and more!  Best smorgasm-borg ever!  We really got into some interesting experiments of spacial geometry and I do believe we defied the laws of physics and anatomy more than once.  How many dimensions do we occupy during orgasm?

You would have to see the film to believe it!  But until I star on a reality show, you will probably never have a chance to see it, unless someone posts clips on the internet.  Don’t be a pirate!  Buy your porn!  Somehow the idea of sex tapes going viral seems wrong to me.

So what or who did you do on your summer vacation?  Feel free to send me cards, letters, pictures or video!  Even a postcard would be nice…

Dog Days of Summer (or Howl at the Moon, it’s cooler then…)

25 Aug 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Vibrators Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hot enough for you?

Hey!  If you are going to throw things, either make them soft or made out of ice cream!

Back in the Midwest, when I was just a Baby Chemist, we had a saying in August.  Now keep in mind in those days Dr Tim was a young, strong, wiry lad with fire in his soul and mischief in his eyes.  I was working for the County in the Secondary Road Department.  Yes, I’m the guy that held the stick on the survey crew.  It was an afternoon when we were in the Shop to pick up some supplies when I first heard it.

“It’s too hot to fuck!”

Now that is really saying something!  “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk.”  “It’s hotter than Hell.”  “So hot my shadow was looking for shade.”  “That’ll melt your ice cream.”  Statements that we hear, but don’t make much of an impact on us.  But when a man or woman says, “It’s too hot to fuck.”  Well!  Can you seriously name anything that would prevent you from fucking if fucking was available?  Me either.

Now it is belief on mine that Humans are nocturnal by nature.  We were only forced to live in the sunlit world by the advent of the agricultural age.  People aren’t supposed to be out in the sun!  Sleep by day, hunt by night.  That’s living!  I thrive on moonlight and the sun is not my friend.  And don’t even get me started on vampires!  Cold lifeless sadness drinking blood to feel alive but for a night?  Awful!  Now werewolves, they have an abundance of life energy.  Living in the moment, intimate with nature and in bed?  WHEW!  That’s life up at the sharp end.

Back to the heat.  So if it is too hot to fuck, what are you going to do?  Perform 68 with your partner?  (68 – you blow me and I’ll owe you one.)  Watch “Scrubs” reruns and masturbate to fantasies of Dr Kelso?  Almost!  You can have a slow, easy wanking session using your Official Doc Johnson toys!  WHOO-HOO!!!  You know you love it.

But if you need to be reminded, go here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/ or here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/

Seriously, Two hot sweaty bodies really screw up the bed. Especially if there is a power outage or your air conditioning doesn’t work.  Grab the sofa, your Sasha Grey Love Spit Lube (seriously, it is awesome!) and your Doc Johnson dildos, vibrator, stroker or strap-ons.  Lay back under the fan and tease yourself slowly.  Think about something that really turns you on and let your hands wander.

Need a long, slow deep-dicking?  Lube up that dildo, fasten that strap-on to a cushion or pillow and ride or slide at your sexiest pace.  Men, do the same with your stroker.  Use lots of lube, it feels cool and wet.  Add the vibrator that will tickle your private places without doubling the sweat on the sheets.  Ever sit on an ice pack while masturbating?  Try it!  You may just love it!  You know, glass dildos can be kept in the freezer for just such an emergency as well.

Or, for my fans that are hardcore, slip a few ice cubes or a popsicle in your back door.  Not only will it intensify your orgasm, but you will have the coldest experience since that one time with the snow bunnies outside the lodge at Big Bear during January!  But careful, this technique is not for rookies.  Hardcore only please.  Beginners should work their way up to this by fucking over an open freezer or over a 50 # bag of ice wrapped in a towel.  Ever do it in a wading pool full of ice water?  It is GOOD, trust me.

So it’s August, it’s hot and your partner is a sweaty slob.  Don’t let that stop you from having the orgasms you deserve!  Use a little creativity and don’t forget to take the Doc along for the ride.  Remember: If it’s as good as Cock, it must be from the Doc!  If rubber pussy makes you want some, call on old Doc Johnson.

Didn’t quite rhyme, but you get the jism gist of it.  Besides, where are you going to get a sex toy blog that has human evolution, werewolves, vampires and ice up the ass?

From Dr Tim, that’s who!

Airing the Orchid (or Women are Wankers Too!)

27 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where does the time go?  It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated.  But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return.  Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!

So let’s talk about the Ladies.  Wait a minute!  Women don’t masturbate.  They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions.   Bullspit!  Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young.  Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you.  Really!  Would a Woman lie?

So how do women masturbate?  There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively.  After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!”  Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.

Let’s see a show of hands now.  How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?

Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed.  Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor.  Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy.  Shameful.  That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible!  (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond.  Miss you!)

So what can Doc Johnson do for you?

Glad you asked.  You may have heard of Dr Susan Block.  She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos.  You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/  Do check out her websites and her live shows.  She is adorable!  I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time.  Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.

She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.

One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!

This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it!  Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO!  These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry.  In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so.  Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels.  Too soon old, too late smart.  (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/

But that’s not all!  For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:

Intense!

Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal.  Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ.  And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention.  I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Works wonders on my, um shoulders!  Yeah on my shoulders.  (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too.  Not that low!  Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)

Am I moving too fast for you?  Let’s slow things down a bit.  How about we get in the mood?  Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage.  Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan?  Relax.  Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body.  Lose a layer of clothes.  All you have on is your lingerie.  Feels nice.  Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too.  Beautiful.  Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts.  So smooth and sensual.  Move to your tummy.  You are in great shape.  You must drive the men crazy all day.  If only they could see you now.  So smooth on the legs.  Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin.  Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips.  You know what’s coming…

Spread it on and feel the bliss.

Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on.  (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM)  Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter.  The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up.  How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator?  (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…

Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.

Or just maybe, well he has been hinting.  Is it time to explore?  Oh yes!

Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.

Just tease yourself.  You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down.  So close, but wait, catch your breath.  You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel.  Mount that dildo.  Ride it just the way you like it.  lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt.  Maybe a pinch or a slap.  Breathe deeply.  gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide.  Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind.  Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling.  That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.  To sleep, perchance to dream.  Aye, there’s the rub!

And rub you did.  Well done!  Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly.  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices?  Not to worry.  You have plenty of options.  Remember the washing machine, the vacuum?  One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride.  (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.)  And even a door knob works well.  You do not need a toy to masturbate.  It is important to make some special time to yourself.  Orgasms release endorphins.  They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world.  And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild!  Cum early and often.

Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either.  I have one.  You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.

Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed.  And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes.  I love my job!