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Hi Everybody! (Hi Dr Tim!)

OK, so I am a bit late.  Spent way too much time and money at the Annual Newberry Library Book Fair.  (http://www.newberry.org/book-fair-blog)

So let’s catch up.  Dr Tim is now a free agent in the Sex Toy and Adult Entertainment world.  That means you will see things from many different companies featured on my blog.  (For transparency sake, no one is paying me or gifting me with anything yet to do my blog.  It is a labor of love…)

So, ANME Summer 2016.  I was able to attend the Adult Novelty Manufacturers’ Expo (http://www.anmefounders.com/) and had a wonderful time.  I saw lots of new toys, saw old friends and made some new ones as well.  Top that off with a free lunch and the show was nothing short of miraculous!

Here are some photo highlights:

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You  may recognize some of the people, but we have Gianna Michaels, Siouxsie Q, Marcelo, a wonderful lady, BUCK ANGEL(!), a picture of Kendra Lust and my dear friend Sunny!  Sorry, no pictures of GameLink’s Jeff Dillionaire and other notables.  It was quite the party.  Here are a few of the cool toys and stuff:

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WOW!  Doc Johnson and Kink went in together to do some very cool stuff.  You will see some of Dr Tim’s products (the Erase Spray will remove magic marker body writing quite easily), a model that shows the optimum areas for butt-paddling so as not to cause serious injury, massage candles, Motorhead and Motley crew vibrators in case you want to bang more than your heads, and app controlled sex toys that also play tunes and have unlock-able achievement levels.

So all in all, a rousing show.  Hopefully I will get a Kink fucking machine to test…

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Ask the Doc (or, Shameless Plug!)

Greetings oh mighty tantric warriors!

Today I want to clue you in on a little secret.  Doc Johnson has a radio show!

Sadly it does not star yours truly, but is instead helmed by Chad and Sunny.

You never know what will happen!

You never know what will happen!

These two fun folks are the Creative Director and Head of Marketing, respectively.  And they are a blast.  Sweet, sexy, nasty and knowledgable.  (You decide whom is which.) They talk about sex stuff, interview experts, adult stars and make some cute videos.  Oh, they also take phone comments.  (You can hear Dr Tim on at least one show.  Hint: pubic hair…)

So, let the links begin:

http://playboyradio.com/shows/ask-the-doc/

http://www.docjohnson.com/askthedocshow

https://www.facebook.com/askthedocshow/app_190322544333196

https://soundcloud.com/ask-the-doc

http://www.podcastchart.com/podcasts/ask-the-doc

https://www.youtube.com/user/DOCJOHNSON1976/featured

https://twitter.com/askthedocshow

 

Check them out.  They are hotter than a ten-dollar laser.

 

 

 

Summer Sex (or, Pass the BBQ Sauce!)

Summertime and the living is easy!

Oh the sights, sounds and smells of summer.  Scantily clothed people, moans through the screens and the sweet smell of BBQ wafting through the air.  Now I know that there is a big divide between charcoal and propane users, however that is not our focus today.

We’re talking BBQ Sex!  If you think about it, BBQ is quite a bit like sexual smorgasbord.  It has everything for oral, anal and kink.  A little back story: While working at my desk this morning my gaze wandered over to my box of Altoids.  Many of you are familiar with those “curiously strong mints” and their many uses in sexual matters.  Well, thinking how nice they are after having a potent lunch, I thought about BBQ.  And if this has never happened to you, sorry but many has been the time when my partner and I have been enjoying grilled ribs with corn on the cob that bones have been thrown to the side, mouths rush together with searching tongues and all fun breaks loose!  Nobody worries about garlic breath then, do they?

Marinades are like mental foreplay.  They start by soaking things with spices and herbs in preparation of sizzling action.  Mental foreplay is usually best when like marinading, it takes place overnight.  That gives everyone/thing time to prepare and the hunger grows.  Antici………..

Pation.

Physical foreplay is next.  Start heating up your grill.  So sweet when your meat slides into something firecracker hot.  Remind me to send a card to my first wife, she had the hottest I ever experienced.  Listen to that meat sizzle.  Smells so good.  Sounds so good.  Can’t wait to put it in your mouth.  So let’s do side dishes.

OK, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I knew a fine lady who could butter the corn with her tongue.  Yes, instead of a knife she used her tongue covered in butter.  Sometimes she would use her lips to make sure the butter was spread evenly.  😉  This works equally on all veggies.  Asparagus and oh what she could do with roasted potatoes.  By this time your BBQ sauce is getting hot and the meat is ready to be turned.  I know you want to flip it as many times as possible, but patience grasshopper.  Good BBQ takes time, go low and slow.

Time to eat!  Maybe you started by tossing some salad.  Love tossing salad!  Even with dressing already on it.  Dig in!  Enjoy those grilled potatoes and corn.  The ribs are so good that the meat just falls into your mouth and that sauce is bone-sucking good.  Always swallow the sauce.

Feel that warmth in your belly?  It’s getting good now.  Maybe some fresh strawberries (Oxnard strawberries are the best!) and fresh whipped cream.  Lick the cream and enjoy that firm, red berry.

Screw it!  Toss the food and grab your partner!  Make creative use of the BBQ tools.  That spatula is great for spanking.  Drive that summer experience home and head for the pool!

Amazing what happens in that pool.  Right Elaine?  Enjoy your summer, enjoy the outdoors and take your fine Doc Johnson sex toys and lubes with you!  Oh, we don’t sell Altoids, but try these fine mints which are available at your favorite store.

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Care & Feeding (or Keeping your dildo happy)

Dildos.  Vibrators.  Soybeans.  Tofu.  (Well, they are meat substitutes…)

I am talking about the care and maintenance of your Mom’s Best Friend.

We get many questions about what lubricants to use with which toys, so I thought I would run down the list.

UR3:

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Lifelike material – Phthalate Free: Use water-based lube.  Sure, you could use silicone lube, but be sure to wash that bad boy off right away!

PVC Soft

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Bendable – Phthalate Free: Use water-based lube.  Yes, you can use silicone too or even Crisco, but wash it up when you finish!

PVC Hard

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Non-flexible – Phthalate Free: Any old lube you want to use!  Wash afterwards.  (Hey!  Did you see this one on House of Lies?  You HAVE to get Showtime!)

Jelly

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Soft – Bendable – Phthalate Free: Use water-based lube!

Silicone:

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100% Platinum Cured Silicone: Use water-based lube!  Some silicone toys are incompatible with some silicone lubes.  Makes them melt.  Tread carefully and if you insist on using a silicone based lube, wash, wash, wash right away after use.

Now I didn’t want you guys to feel left out although I know quite a few of you use vibrators and dildos too.  So:

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Please her, tease her, love her and use her.  But you must wash her too!  Preferably before you fall asleep…

‘Tis The Season! (or, Gimmie, Gimmie!)

Ah, the holidays!

What a wonderful time to look back, review your year and make the appropriate adjustments so that the coming year is even better.  You become a better person, the type of person you had always hoped that you would be when you grew up.  Kind, generous, respected and well-loved.

Time to get nostalgic about family, friends, lost or found loves.  Tradition.

Speaking of tradition, WHAT DID YOU GET ME?????

Most of you were nice.  Some of you were very naughty.  And a few of you were nicely naughty and sent Dr Tim pictures and videos of yourselves using your fine Doc Johnson toys and lubricants!  Warms my heart.  Truly!  No cash, but a warm fuzzy feeling like when she hasn’t shaved for a week or so.

So how was your year?  Did you finally find a woman who was “all-access?”  Did you find a man who wasn’t threatened by your toys or that strap-on dildo you bought?

My year was great.  Here at Doc Johnson we had some very successful shows including a spectacular one at Hustler Hollywood!  It was all about the Wonderland.

It was AMAZING!

It was AMAZING!

Other awesome stuff happened too.  Great folks getting their body parts molded, like James Deen and Vicky Vette.  It was an incredibly exciting year!

And wait until you see 2013!  We have new toys and new lubricants coming out that will blow your mind.  And help you get blown as well.

I mean, after all, what are the holidays without a heaping dose of holiday sex?

Someone asked the other day if I had a favorite sex toy.  Of course I do!  It’s Debi Diamond!  (A kind gentle soul who is sexy and kinky to the core.  Now if I could get her and Christy Canyon at the same time…)

What better gift to give a loved one, or stranger, than a long slow blowjob or maybe some anal sex?  Men and women around the globe would love to receive those presents.  Many at the same time.  Ever been to an out-of-control office party?  Like that only everyone keeps their jobs.

And Doc Johnson is there to supply all of your sexual accessories.  Your orientation doesn’t matter, we have what you need.  All types of dildos, vibrators, masturbators, lubes and lotions.  We help make the season bright.  Or turn off the lights, we are just happy to be there with you.

So don’t be selfish this season.  Give orgasms to everyone you meet.  And maybe you will receive a few of your own.  No matter the fetish or form, we are here for you.

And like Dr Tim always says, unless he doesn’t, “I don’t judge.  I just want to hold the camcorder.”

Merry Christmas everyone!  And until next year, enjoy your ho, ho, hos!

 

Q&A Day! (or, Too Lazy to Summon a Topic)

Morning Troops!

It is a beautiful Monday morning out here in Southern California.  I understand there may be a bit of rain Out East, but try to stay dry and warm now.  You hear?

So many questions!  I do believe that it is time to address a few of them and undress the askers.

Q1. Are sex toys actually useful or are they something to hide behind?

A. Sex toys are very useful.  They can help folks expand their sexual repertoire, help them understand desires and assist them score some really great orgasms!  Sex toys can help build the trust between couples and get single people through the night.  Can you hide behind them?  Well I’ve seen some pretty big toys, but none to hide behind!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells sex toys for all tastes, desires and needs.  If you need a substitute cock, call the Doc!)

Q2. What about lubricants?

A. Deary, deary me!  Lubricants are very helpful and fun!  (remember, I make them, Doc Johnson sells them!)  Lubricants help folks that want to add different flavors to their favorite partner, lubricate orifices that do not naturally lubricate themselves and are a must when inserting oversize objects or fists.  I recommend that you always keep a bottle or two on hand for just such an emergency.  When my son was younger, the wife and I would put it on the doorknob.  Made it tough for him to turn…

Q3. Can you make semen taste like chocolate?

A. Working on it.  If I do, my next blog will be sent from an as of yet undesignated island.

Q4. Do you always think about sex?

A. Well, yes.  My job is thinking of ways to enhance your sexual experience.  And then turn it into a real thing.  Not everyone needs or wants these items, but they are incredibly important to others.  Your satisfaction is my business.

Q5. WHich is better for a quickie, oral or anal sex?

A. Dr Tim does not do quickies.  If you do not have a couple of hours to play, don’t start with me.  However, oral sex is pretty darn good for a quickie.  But then again, so is anal or even regular intercourse.  There is no best or better.  Only you and your partner know what will work for you.  Whatever happened to a good old handie now and then?

Q6. Why are strap-ons so popular these days?

A. Beats me!  I guess that more and more people are open to the pleasures derived from them.  More men have discovered the pleasures of prostate massage and more women have discovered the joy of helping.  Of course many same-sex couples use strap-ons as well.  Is there anything a strap-on can’t do?  Oh yeah, it cannot get you pregnant.

Q7. What about chemicals?

A. What about them?

Q8. Are the chemicals used in sex toys, lubricants and cosmetics bad for you?

A. From the top: Everything is a chemical.  Water, air, fruit, flowers, everything.  There are only so many elements that we know about in this world and they make up everything.

Q9. Phthalates or parabens ring a bell?

A. Yes.  And although many phthalates have been banned around the world, science has not shown any danger from the most popular.  They were banned by emotion, not science.  Parabens also have a sixty year history of safe use, but they have been taken out of many products due to the public which would rather demand things than learn about them.  You forgot to mention BPA.  It is in every canned good you have ever purchased.  Relax a little.  Scientist do not want to poison, you, hurt you or kill you.  If we did, who would buy our products?  By the way, Doc Johnson does not use phthalates and parabens are being phased out.

Q10. How many licks does it take?

A. Ask Lil’ Kim.

Q11. You think you’re so smart!  Why did you pick the Detroit Tigers in the World Series?

A. Shut up.

Well, we are out of time folks!  Keep those cards, letters, emails and dirty pictures coming in!

More is Less (or, So, What are You Wearing?)

OK.  I admit it. 

I love women’s clothes.  There, it is out in the open now.  Think what you want, but now we can move into our conversation for today.

So, what are you wearing?  Oh yeah, Baby!  You know what Daddy likes!

Clothing and sexuality have a close-knit relationship.  (See what I did there?)  The way you dress expresses the way you see yourself to others.  That outfit tells us how you are feeling and what you need.  Men and women get a real clue.  If you have the strength to walk into a party wearing a full-length tiger-print silk sheath and high heels, you will run the show.

Let’s talk t-shirts.  I love t-shirts.  I especially love them when a woman is wearing one.  Wearing a t-shirt lets us know that she is feeling secure.  A secure woman is a sexy woman.  There is this Blonde with Major Boobage with whom I have frequent meetings that knocks me out when she wears a t-shirt.  I wish she didn’t wear a bra with it as well, but you can’t always get what you want.  In fact, when I mentioned to her that the bra was unnecessary, she told me it was.

“I know you, Dr Tim.  If I didn’t wear a bra you would just happen by with a bucket of cold water that just might accidentally spill in my direction.”

She was right.  I wanted to test that theory, but she would have none of it and I would get none of it either.  *SIGH*

You know what else I have a clothes fetish for?  Fuzzy sweaters.  Oh man, big soft boobs encased in a layer of warm, fuzzy, snuggly wonderfulness.  It makes a grown man leak.  Puddles, not just caused by women!  Now I know what you might be thinking. 

“Dr Tim! When are you going to discuss sexy lingerie?”

Just a moment.  Keep your pants on.  Well at least keep them on up to your knees…

There is something else I wanted to discuss about t-shirts.  They can hide many fascinating experiences.  Have you ever lifted up a woman’s t-shirt and found a strap-on underneath?  Never saw it coming did you?  Neither did I, but baby, what a ride!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells all types of strap-ons, harnesses, dildos, lubricants, just everything you would need!  Buy some today!)

Another great thing about t-shirts is their flexibility!  Say you were on a picnic in the woods and your lady is feeling the need for anal sex.  You can twist and pull on that t-shirt while trying to stay on for 8 seconds and it will look JUST FINE when the two of you are finished!  We need more clothes like this!  Or after a sloppy blowjob or muff dive at home, that t-shirt can be thrown into the laundry without any fuss or muss.  T-shirts – The world’s perfect clothing item?

OK, sexy lingerie.  I knew a fine young lady in college with Colossal Boobage who would opine, “Dr Tim. (Actually I was just Mr Tim back then.)  I love the feel and how I look in my sexy lingerie, but I never get to wear it long when men are around.”  I wanted to test that theory.  She had a lot of it and I got a lot of it too!  I still smile when I think of her.  (When she invited me to her wedding, her soon-to-be husband uninvited me and reminded me that the ushers and groomsmen were his brothers and cousins.)

I always did have a way with women that other men hated.

Does all of this make Dr Tim anti-nudity?  Of course not.  I’m just saying that the clothes make the woman or man.  And hopefully we will get to make you too!

Just don’t get me started about shoes!

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