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Dog Days of Summer (or Howl at the Moon, it’s cooler then…)

Hot enough for you?

Hey!  If you are going to throw things, either make them soft or made out of ice cream!

Back in the Midwest, when I was just a Baby Chemist, we had a saying in August.  Now keep in mind in those days Dr Tim was a young, strong, wiry lad with fire in his soul and mischief in his eyes.  I was working for the County in the Secondary Road Department.  Yes, I’m the guy that held the stick on the survey crew.  It was an afternoon when we were in the Shop to pick up some supplies when I first heard it.

“It’s too hot to fuck!”

Now that is really saying something!  “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk.”  “It’s hotter than Hell.”  “So hot my shadow was looking for shade.”  “That’ll melt your ice cream.”  Statements that we hear, but don’t make much of an impact on us.  But when a man or woman says, “It’s too hot to fuck.”  Well!  Can you seriously name anything that would prevent you from fucking if fucking was available?  Me either.

Now it is belief on mine that Humans are nocturnal by nature.  We were only forced to live in the sunlit world by the advent of the agricultural age.  People aren’t supposed to be out in the sun!  Sleep by day, hunt by night.  That’s living!  I thrive on moonlight and the sun is not my friend.  And don’t even get me started on vampires!  Cold lifeless sadness drinking blood to feel alive but for a night?  Awful!  Now werewolves, they have an abundance of life energy.  Living in the moment, intimate with nature and in bed?  WHEW!  That’s life up at the sharp end.

Back to the heat.  So if it is too hot to fuck, what are you going to do?  Perform 68 with your partner?  (68 – you blow me and I’ll owe you one.)  Watch “Scrubs” reruns and masturbate to fantasies of Dr Kelso?  Almost!  You can have a slow, easy wanking session using your Official Doc Johnson toys!  WHOO-HOO!!!  You know you love it.

But if you need to be reminded, go here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/ or here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/

Seriously, Two hot sweaty bodies really screw up the bed. Especially if there is a power outage or your air conditioning doesn’t work.  Grab the sofa, your Sasha Grey Love Spit Lube (seriously, it is awesome!) and your Doc Johnson dildos, vibrator, stroker or strap-ons.  Lay back under the fan and tease yourself slowly.  Think about something that really turns you on and let your hands wander.

Need a long, slow deep-dicking?  Lube up that dildo, fasten that strap-on to a cushion or pillow and ride or slide at your sexiest pace.  Men, do the same with your stroker.  Use lots of lube, it feels cool and wet.  Add the vibrator that will tickle your private places without doubling the sweat on the sheets.  Ever sit on an ice pack while masturbating?  Try it!  You may just love it!  You know, glass dildos can be kept in the freezer for just such an emergency as well.

Or, for my fans that are hardcore, slip a few ice cubes or a popsicle in your back door.  Not only will it intensify your orgasm, but you will have the coldest experience since that one time with the snow bunnies outside the lodge at Big Bear during January!  But careful, this technique is not for rookies.  Hardcore only please.  Beginners should work their way up to this by fucking over an open freezer or over a 50 # bag of ice wrapped in a towel.  Ever do it in a wading pool full of ice water?  It is GOOD, trust me.

So it’s August, it’s hot and your partner is a sweaty slob.  Don’t let that stop you from having the orgasms you deserve!  Use a little creativity and don’t forget to take the Doc along for the ride.  Remember: If it’s as good as Cock, it must be from the Doc!  If rubber pussy makes you want some, call on old Doc Johnson.

Didn’t quite rhyme, but you get the jism gist of it.  Besides, where are you going to get a sex toy blog that has human evolution, werewolves, vampires and ice up the ass?

From Dr Tim, that’s who!

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