Interesting Question! (Caution, naughtiness ahead!)

“So Tim, is this too big for someone to get up their butt?”  

What an interesting question to start my day.  So let’s get ahead by getting a little behind…  

Anal sex.  Now that is one hotly contested topic.  You may remember that I briefly mentioned backdoor activities last month.  (  

Or you may remember my brief discourse about men on the receiving end of a strap-on.  (  

Good memories, good times.  So let’s roll up our sleeves and really get into it now.  If this topic bothers you, here is something to keep you occupied.  

Look deeply into my eyes.

  For the rest of us, let’s take a close look at the anus, rectum and points north.  Here is a brief, unromantic diagram of said region.  

  To accomplish anal intercourse, we have to get past the exterior sphincter, through the anus, past the interior sphincter, through the anal canal, getting past the Dentate line and into the rectum!  Whew!  Anyone have a GPS ready?  OK, I know that everyone knows, or thinks they know what they are doing.  But honestly, a lot of you don’t.  (If I had a nickel for every woman nodding her head right now…)  

 The anus has quite a concentration of nerve endings and that can bring either great pain or great joy depending on your approach.  The anterior wall of the rectum leads to prostate massage in men and tickles the vaginal canal in women.  While the external sphincter is a voluntary muscle which we can contract or relax, the interior sphincter muscle is involuntary.  That means you really cannot control it.  So we need to spend some time on figuring out how to make it relax.  And as always, we have options:  

 1) Brute force, just ram it home.  DO NOT DO THIS!!!!  Who are you kidding?  That only plays in story books.  To force the anal sphincter complex open can cause a lot of damage.  It can cause tearing, bleeding, damage to the sphincters leaving you incontinent, if misguided potentially perforate the intestinal walls.  Which could lead a nasty little thing called death.  Let’s not go there, let’s keep this safe, sane and consensual (SSC).  

 2) Get them drunk!  Oh come on people!  DON”T DO THIS!!!  If one or the other partner is impaired by one substance or another, you can have the same injuries listed in item number one.  Either they won’t feel if something has gone wrong or you may not be attentive to their situation.  Either way, bad.  

 While there is nothing wrong with a glass of wine or a drink or two, stay alert if you are going to participate in risky types of sexual behaviour.  It needs to be fun, not traumatic.  No need to call those men in white jackets even if ambulance sirens turn you on.  They really aren’t interested in what you were doing anyway.  

3) Anal desensitizers.   Yep, they exist.  Heck we even sell them!  Usually they are a gel, cream or spray that contains lidocaine or benzocaine.  These are often used in anorectal drugs to ease the pain of hemorrhoids.  Now, these work very well, but they are not my first choice.  If over-used, you may not feel any “bad” pain if it occurs.  And I have always wondered, why engage in anal sex if you don’t want to feel it? So…  

 4) Warming lubes.  Yes, we sell those too!  Remember what it feels like when you get a hot oil massage?  You melt under that person’s hands.  Well, this is very similar.  Gentle caressing with the product warming your anus and your partner’s attention warming your heart.  You will probably open up like a blooming rose.  Hard, nasty anal sex is great if you are experienced and in the mood, but if you are just beginning your anal explorations, you need a lot of prep time, care and gentleness.  

 OK, lubricants.  Yes the anal tract is a mucosal membrane so there is a certain degree of lubrication available naturally.  But you should add some more.  Lots more!  So much so that you need a new bottle every time!  (Did I mention that my company sells lubricants?  Thought so.  Daddy needs to get paid!)  

 Seriously, use lots.  I prefer silicone lubes, but whatever floats your boat.  Anyone remember how Crisco sales jumped when fisting became all the rage?  

 5)  Oh yeah, rimming helps.  We can talk about that in a later post.

  So we are in!  Now with the anal canal and rectum, you have a comfortable six inches for penetration.  Stroke away to your heart’s content.  And hopefully to your partner’s orgasm!   Here are a couple of diagrams to show you where to find the anus on a male or female.  

 Now that we have covered that, how large of an item can you stick your butt?  From some videos that I have seen, really, really big!  I have seen baseball bats, arms up to the shoulder (not recommended), champagne bottles, fruit/vegetables of all kinds and a football.  I guess the real question is not how large of an item can I stick up my butt, but do I want to spend my life wearing diapers?  Yes, extreme anal stretching can lead to having an orifice that can no longer close or even prolapse.  Prolapse is when the insides come outside. 

If you keep your anal insertions limited to finger/penis/hand size, you can keep your stuff tight with kegel exercises.  Yes they work for the ass as well as the vagina!  Squeeze those muscles tight, count to ten, release and repeat.  A few sets of ten daily and you will be able to peel a banana!  Even though if you have anal sex even once, your doctor will know the next time he takes a look down there.  So, really, there are no secrets from your doctor.   

I talk too much, but when it comes to anal sex, the two or more of you had better talk everything out so you know what is going to happen.  And please, wash thoroughly, douche your tush, wash whatever was inserted up the butt before inserting it somewhere else and please do not engage in ATM or ATV activities.    

Leave that to the pros.

1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. uncleblogsy
    May 16, 2010 @ 16:16:12

    Is this what you meant by Door Number 3?


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