Eat it? I just want to lick it!

16 Oct 2009 2 Comments

by Mystertim in chemicals, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Preservatives, Safety, Science, sex toys Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Here is a question I hear fairly often, “Hey Dr Tim!  Is that edible?”

Quick answer, “Does it have Nutrition or Supplement Facts?  If not, no!”

So what about flavored lubricants, gels or lotions?  If they have flavors, they must be edible!

Yes, we make these!

Yes, we make these!

No, not really.  But here is the thing.  Have you ever heard of incidental ingestion?  Let me explain, if you have ever used for example, lipstick or lip balm, you have accidentally eaten some of it.  If you have ever kissed someone wearing lipstick, lip balm or lip gloss, you have consumed some.  Who hasn’t kissed someone and licked their lips afterwards, especially if they are using that yummy new acai berry/pomegranate lip gloss (now with kiwi!)?

Kiss me now!

Kiss me now!

That is incidental ingestion.  With flavored lubes, haven’t you ever pounded it hard and long, then given it a quick kiss of gratitude afterwards?  Well, would you rather take away the slight taste of strawberry or the industrial taste of a high-functioning, chemical tasting lube?  Thought so.  me too.  Strawberries are just so much tastier than motor oil.

So why don’t flavored lubes have nutritional facts?  You are not supposed to eat them!  If we wanted you to put the anal jelly on your toast, we would have that cool box with the information about calories, trans fat, etc, etc on a label sans naked people with a grocery store friendly name.  The same goes for lotions, creams and such.  Remember Jessica Simpson?  Her line of “edible” cosmetic products were actually called “kissable” after the Regulatory Department got through with it.

Desert Beauty

And what about those throat numbing mints?  Well, those don’t have nutritional facts because they are drugs!  They need the drug facts box on the label.  Yeah, it gets complicated.  But if you want to play with the Government, you really do have to play by their rules.  (Unless you are a real gambler.  But when you get caught, you will wish you hadn’t!)

We make these too!

We make these too!

Supplements meant to be consumed have different rules too!  They need supplement facts about daily values and junk.  Confused yet?

So lubes aren’t food.  Drugs aren’t food.  Supplements aren’t food.  Only food is food!  Follow the directions!  If it does not have nutritional/supplement facts available, it is not supposed to be eaten, chugged, or swallowed in big mouthfuls. 

And if someone wants you to eat it, ask them to take the first swallow.  That’ll separate the wheat from the chaff.

Take Your Time! (It’s not a race to the grave…)

06 Oct 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Fashion, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Practice what you preach.

Being the father of a 17-year-old boy, this phrase echos in my head quite frequently.  Today I stopped to think about that and what it means to my career and my life.

I can guess what you are thinking.  “Oh great!  A maudlin, self-indulgent rant in an attempt to cleanse his soul and make peace with the world since his life is probably well past half-over.”

Close.  (Sure enough, Horowitz playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata just came on my iPod.)

Can't you just hear it?

Can't you just hear it?

This is a short spiel about longing, need and redemption.  I am a big believer in redemption.  I believe it down to my bones that we can pull it off.  Let’s get back to the point.

Folks talk about what is good for you.  What you should eat, how to have sex, how to live your life.  But do they ever follow their advice?  I knew a sexologist who no longer had sex because they were tired of it.  If one does not stay up to date on their chosen field, how can they teach?

Last month I talked about sex toys and fashion.  What the heck do I know?  Well, plenty.  I personally have over two dozen pairs of shoes, more jackets than I can ever wear and a whole dresser full of sex toys and lubricants.

And I take the time to use them.  Why promote or sell something that you would never use?  My first question when I make something in the lab is, “Would I buy and use this?”  If the answer is “No!” then I go back to the bench and work it out.  I won’t even accept a “Maybe.”  If I won’t use it, how could I expect anyone else to use it?

You may laugh, be shocked, disgusted or wonder exactly what toys I own and use.  Really, that’s none of your business.  You have to buy and download the clips off the internet like everyone else.  But even though I work at one of the largest adult novelty manufacturers in the USA, I don’t use everything they make.  Because it is not right for me.  And that is the point of this convoluted missive.

Have you ever done anything willingly or been talked into doing something of a sexual nature that left you feeling dirty, despairing and crying?  I hope not.  That is not a very good place to be emotionally.  If you did it to please someone else, that was probably not a good idea.  Despite the backlash I may get from a few communities, no one really wants to feel used and unloved.  Nobody.  And that is not a healthy outlet for your sexuality.

Lie down and tell me all about it...

Lie down and tell me all about it...

My parents, always told me to wait to have sex as long as possible.  Do you think I listened?  Not a chance.  As a wise woman told me once, “I get in where I fit in!”  And guess what?  I had many Walk of Shame moments.  Some of which are forever recorded and out of my control.  That’s life.

So what did I do?  I took the time to learn about my own particular sexuality.  I used many types of toys and implements of mass destruction.  And I learned what works for me.  Who works for me.  What styles work for me.  I learned my personal rhythm.

Did I need the toys?  Sure!  But to (badly) paraphrase Carlos Castaneda, not every pupil needs the same stimulants.  Do you need sex toys?  I hope so!  I get paid that way!

So when you talk to your children or nieces/nephews or whomever and tell them that sex is a wonderful, sacred thing.  Are you speaking from experience or just talking out of your ass?

Take some time to experience truly good sex.  Either by yourself or with someone.  Experiment, find out what makes you tick.  Find your personal rhythm.  Tap into the Orgone energy of the universe.  (We will discuss Orgone energy and Wilhelm Reich later.) 

Orgone Box

Orgone Box

Harnessing Orgone Energy

 

 

 

Enrich your life and soul with uber-satisfying orgasms and feel the love of the universe.  (Oh yeah, use my products too!)  Either every day is sacred or none of them are.

Be good to yourself.  Practice what you preach.

I’ve got a good feeling about this…

Tricky, tricky, tricky (or The Economy and You)

17 Jul 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Plastics, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So, how’s it going these days?

A little rough?  Yeah, here too.  I mean the economy, the environment, politics, well everything is getting complicated.

For example: To save the Earth, stop using plastic bags!  Makes sense.  Plastic takes a long time to break-down and quite frankly the landfills are stuffed with plastic bags and bottles.  But guess what?  I put “Plastic bag manufacturer” + “plant closure” into a search engine and discovered that globally over 30,000 people have lost their jobs due to factories that make those plastic bags have had to close!  Decreased demand equals decreased supply equals decreased employment.

The economy is tanking, people are losing their jobs and you would rather save the planet?  Like I said, tricky.

And that brings me to sex toys.

How?  Easy.  When my mind gets frantic with political correctness, war, trauma, the economy, etc, nothing clears the mind better (in less time than time than meditation) than a good orgasm.  A good orgasm clears the mind, relieves the stress and generally brightens the day.  Now when it comes to orgasming, I’m a pretty handy guy. 😉

But sometimes you need more to really make it memorable.  Whether you are with your significant other, a friendly group or flying solo, toys and lubes can help.  And while there are many, many excellent products on the market, you should buy everything that my company makes.  (Remember the bit about decreased demand?  Daddy needs to get paid!)  There are all types of strokers, dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, pumps, lubes, creams and stuff for every taste and every flavor.  If you aren’t sure what to buy, ask me!  I can help.

“But Dr Tim!” you say, “Everything seems so expensive!”  Well, yes.  Good sex toys can be pricey, but look at it this way: You could buy a sex swing, a good vibrator and some lube or go on vacation.  A vacation is over in a week, but those sex toys are something you will have for a long, long time.  (Apologies to Woody Allen.)

So leave your inhibitions at the door, grab your favorite partner or toy, put Skinimax on the flat screen and get it on!  Remember porn stars only have you in mind!  And do what they do just for you and at some level of personal risk as well.  God bless them one and all!

Slide it, slip it, clamp it or tie it.  Whatever gets you there.  I don’t judge, but studies have shown that folks with frequent sexual activity tend to be more even-tempered, calm, cool and collected.  You are cool aren’t you?  Some say that everyone should have at least three orgasms a week.

So I’m doing my bit.  How about you?

Good Taste! (Really, lose the bleach!)

24 Apr 2009 2 Comments

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Physiology, Psychology, Science, sexuality Tags: , , , , ,

To paraphrase a famous commercial: She wants a man that tastes good!

Down to business.  If you were to ask a variety of women why they spit or dodge, they will reply, “His stuff tastes nasty!”  So how do we avoid this problem?

Well, if she is regularly providing oral relief, quit complaining!  But the point is to make the experience pleasurable for her so that she will enjoy it.  Let’s find out what you have been up to lately.

Your diet:  If you are subsisting on Mega-burgers, onion rings and soft drinks, you have a problem.  Junk food equals bad tasting junk.  Have a salad once in a while!  Eat some fruit and vegetables.  Choose leaner cuts of meat, chicken or fish.  Drink some water.  You see all of the materials, chemicals, that you consume have an effect on how you look, how you taste and how you smell.  Sodas are very acidic.  They make you acidic.  Fried fatty meats give you a distinctive smell as opposed to vegetarians.

Your exercise routine:  Yes, no pain – no gain.  Working out regularly flushes the toxins out of your body via sweat and your excretory glands.  If you are a couch potato, all those wonderful bad things are pooling inside of you, turning to fat.  Yes, fat guys can get laid.  Fairly often too!  But they really have to work at it.  They need to be damn charming and eloquent.  Climb every mountain indeed.  However, obesity can lead to hypertension, diabetes, heart disease and stroke to name a few.  And those medications are not always erection-friendly.  Get off your ass and take a walk or something.

But if you eat right and exercise daily, you can make your life much easier.  Not only will you be healthier, more alert and ready for action, you will taste better too!  Have you ever heard the term “clean sweat?”  It exists.  That is the light sweat coming from a healthy man or woman who just participated in some light to medium impact exercise, like a sexual encounter.  Mmmmm, think of your favorite Lady with a light sheen of sweat covering Her body as you un-make the bed.  Nice?  You bet!  You don’t mind lying next to Her after that, do you?  She’s happy too.

Even then, genetics may have dealt you a bad hand and your semen still has that ammonia flavor to it.  You need to lose the bleach!  How can you do that?  Well, there is a lot of folklore on that question.  Most popular is to drink lots of pineapple juice for a couple days before sex.  That works for some.  Others say to eat spices like cinnamon to take the bitter edge off the taste.  But can you maintain that particular regime every day?  It is hard enough to eat right in this day and age, but to maintain yummy sperm too?  Brutal.

Too much to eat every day!

Too much to eat every day!

There are some supplements that claim to help make your semen sweeter and help make her taste sweeter as well.  (Yes, the same conditions apply to the ladies.)  We have all visited the Bakery from time to time…

The best supplement I have found is Semenex.  Yes my company manufactures and sells it, but I tested many of the commercially available products and after tweaking the patented formula a tiny bit found it to be very effective.  It is a combination of fruits and spices that goes down smooth when mixed in water or shakes.  And if your diet is at least quasi-healthy, one dose a day for a couple days really makes a difference.  While no true, scientific clinical studies have been done to verify the claim, there are many, many testimonials from happy couples to groups who did taste comparison testing.  (Now there is an interesting thought!)

Mmm... Tasty...

Mmm... Tasty...

In the end, you have to be a healthy individual.  Clean up your act and your Lady should be more than willing to provide some good loving.  Supplements do help, so don’t be afraid to try some and improve your game.

Oh yes, never forget to return the favor.  She deserves it!

Next Newer Entries