Take Your Time! (It’s not a race to the grave…)

06 Oct 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Fashion, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Practice what you preach.

Being the father of a 17-year-old boy, this phrase echos in my head quite frequently.  Today I stopped to think about that and what it means to my career and my life.

I can guess what you are thinking.  “Oh great!  A maudlin, self-indulgent rant in an attempt to cleanse his soul and make peace with the world since his life is probably well past half-over.”

Close.  (Sure enough, Horowitz playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata just came on my iPod.)

Can't you just hear it?

Can't you just hear it?

This is a short spiel about longing, need and redemption.  I am a big believer in redemption.  I believe it down to my bones that we can pull it off.  Let’s get back to the point.

Folks talk about what is good for you.  What you should eat, how to have sex, how to live your life.  But do they ever follow their advice?  I knew a sexologist who no longer had sex because they were tired of it.  If one does not stay up to date on their chosen field, how can they teach?

Last month I talked about sex toys and fashion.  What the heck do I know?  Well, plenty.  I personally have over two dozen pairs of shoes, more jackets than I can ever wear and a whole dresser full of sex toys and lubricants.

And I take the time to use them.  Why promote or sell something that you would never use?  My first question when I make something in the lab is, “Would I buy and use this?”  If the answer is “No!” then I go back to the bench and work it out.  I won’t even accept a “Maybe.”  If I won’t use it, how could I expect anyone else to use it?

You may laugh, be shocked, disgusted or wonder exactly what toys I own and use.  Really, that’s none of your business.  You have to buy and download the clips off the internet like everyone else.  But even though I work at one of the largest adult novelty manufacturers in the USA, I don’t use everything they make.  Because it is not right for me.  And that is the point of this convoluted missive.

Have you ever done anything willingly or been talked into doing something of a sexual nature that left you feeling dirty, despairing and crying?  I hope not.  That is not a very good place to be emotionally.  If you did it to please someone else, that was probably not a good idea.  Despite the backlash I may get from a few communities, no one really wants to feel used and unloved.  Nobody.  And that is not a healthy outlet for your sexuality.

Lie down and tell me all about it...

Lie down and tell me all about it...

My parents, always told me to wait to have sex as long as possible.  Do you think I listened?  Not a chance.  As a wise woman told me once, “I get in where I fit in!”  And guess what?  I had many Walk of Shame moments.  Some of which are forever recorded and out of my control.  That’s life.

So what did I do?  I took the time to learn about my own particular sexuality.  I used many types of toys and implements of mass destruction.  And I learned what works for me.  Who works for me.  What styles work for me.  I learned my personal rhythm.

Did I need the toys?  Sure!  But to (badly) paraphrase Carlos Castaneda, not every pupil needs the same stimulants.  Do you need sex toys?  I hope so!  I get paid that way!

So when you talk to your children or nieces/nephews or whomever and tell them that sex is a wonderful, sacred thing.  Are you speaking from experience or just talking out of your ass?

Take some time to experience truly good sex.  Either by yourself or with someone.  Experiment, find out what makes you tick.  Find your personal rhythm.  Tap into the Orgone energy of the universe.  (We will discuss Orgone energy and Wilhelm Reich later.) 

Orgone Box

Orgone Box

Harnessing Orgone Energy

 

 

 

Enrich your life and soul with uber-satisfying orgasms and feel the love of the universe.  (Oh yeah, use my products too!)  Either every day is sacred or none of them are.

Be good to yourself.  Practice what you preach.

I’ve got a good feeling about this…

Fashion Week!!! (Looking Good, Feeling Better)

11 Sep 2009 3 Comments

by Mystertim in Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Fashion, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

It is Fashion Week in New York!  What a wonderful time of year.  Brisker temperatures, changing colors and hundreds if not thousands of Fashionistas invade the Big Apple!  All the major designers, all the major models all in one place making a difference in the way we look and dress.  It is truly inspiring.  Their influence is undeniable.

barbie_runway_15

You may ask yourself, “Dr. Tim!  Why are you so interested in Fashion Week?  Isn’t your area of expertise a bit more private? (S-E-X?)”

Sure it is!  But what makes you think that fashion and sex are not connected?  After all, isn’t everything you do, done by design to get laid?  Don’t lie to me.  How many of us would bathe, shave, style our hair or dress in the latest fashion if we were not concerned with attracting a potential mate?  We are all connected.  Fashion, cosmetics, sex toys and lubricants.  (Did I mention the big Health and Beauty Aids show going on in NYC during Fashion Week?  It makes me giddy!)

Humans are wired to procreate.  And being human, we do it in all sorts of delightful and delicious ways.  Peacocks may show off brilliant feathers, crickets sing songs, and people, well people dress up and strut on the runway.  And how about some of those fetish outfits for making a statement?  Leather and latex are amazing materials.  If only I could get a bag and shoes to match!

fetish

All that brings me to sex toys.  Yep.  Sex toys.  After all, there are only so many basic shapes that can practically be inserted or rubbed on yourself.  So why do companies bring new ones out each year?  

Dildos are like shoes.  Why would you need more than one pair?  All the Ladies should be laughing at me for saying that.  You need many pairs of shoes!  Work shoes, play shoes, party shoes, shoes for running, shoes for walking, shoes to impress, knock me down and fuck me pumps, and the list goes on and on.  (Technically I do not believe that there is an end to the list.  At least no woman I know has ever owned enough pairs of shoes…)

Shoes

Guys, you aren’t much different.  Gym shoes, office shoes, basketball shoes, golf shoes, take out the trash shoes, etc.

How about that new commercial for the deodorant?  “I use all the different scents because I’m a man.”  You don’t always want strawberry-flavored lube either!  Sometimes you don’t want any flavor, or you need lime, black currant, water-based, silicone – whatever gets you through the night.  You need options!  The toys and lubes need to fit your mood and situation.

Sex toys, you need one for private action, one to share, one for vaginal, one for anal, one for oral, one for fun, one for punishment, small ones, big ones, enormous ones, vibrating ones, pulsing ones, still ones, electric ones, machine-driven ones, suction cup ones, black, white, mocha, glowing green, gold flakes.  Come on people!  Open up, expand your horizons!  This is more than simple fun.  It is fun with style!  And no matter what your kink or preference, we have something to help you maximize your orgasm.  Dare to desire! (TM pending)

I’ve read where folks have bought solid gold sex toys, some with diamonds.  Those are great items if you can afford it!  Just like the latest purse.  Why let the designers and models have all the fun?  I read the color forecasts put out each year to help determine what we need to make for next year.  What woman wouldn’t like to be able to color-coordinate her boudoir accessories?  Getting turned on in a nice purple/black peignoir with matching mules and then reach for a fluorescent orange dildo?  I think not!  Or having a steamy, dirty, greasy encounter with ropes in an alley and you pull out a “Hello Kitty” vibe?  (Well, maybe that one could work…)

It is fall.  Fashion Week is about to go into full swing.  You should too.

Tricky, tricky, tricky (or The Economy and You)

17 Jul 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Plastics, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So, how’s it going these days?

A little rough?  Yeah, here too.  I mean the economy, the environment, politics, well everything is getting complicated.

For example: To save the Earth, stop using plastic bags!  Makes sense.  Plastic takes a long time to break-down and quite frankly the landfills are stuffed with plastic bags and bottles.  But guess what?  I put “Plastic bag manufacturer” + “plant closure” into a search engine and discovered that globally over 30,000 people have lost their jobs due to factories that make those plastic bags have had to close!  Decreased demand equals decreased supply equals decreased employment.

The economy is tanking, people are losing their jobs and you would rather save the planet?  Like I said, tricky.

And that brings me to sex toys.

How?  Easy.  When my mind gets frantic with political correctness, war, trauma, the economy, etc, nothing clears the mind better (in less time than time than meditation) than a good orgasm.  A good orgasm clears the mind, relieves the stress and generally brightens the day.  Now when it comes to orgasming, I’m a pretty handy guy. 😉

But sometimes you need more to really make it memorable.  Whether you are with your significant other, a friendly group or flying solo, toys and lubes can help.  And while there are many, many excellent products on the market, you should buy everything that my company makes.  (Remember the bit about decreased demand?  Daddy needs to get paid!)  There are all types of strokers, dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, pumps, lubes, creams and stuff for every taste and every flavor.  If you aren’t sure what to buy, ask me!  I can help.

“But Dr Tim!” you say, “Everything seems so expensive!”  Well, yes.  Good sex toys can be pricey, but look at it this way: You could buy a sex swing, a good vibrator and some lube or go on vacation.  A vacation is over in a week, but those sex toys are something you will have for a long, long time.  (Apologies to Woody Allen.)

So leave your inhibitions at the door, grab your favorite partner or toy, put Skinimax on the flat screen and get it on!  Remember porn stars only have you in mind!  And do what they do just for you and at some level of personal risk as well.  God bless them one and all!

Slide it, slip it, clamp it or tie it.  Whatever gets you there.  I don’t judge, but studies have shown that folks with frequent sexual activity tend to be more even-tempered, calm, cool and collected.  You are cool aren’t you?  Some say that everyone should have at least three orgasms a week.

So I’m doing my bit.  How about you?

Secrets (Shhh!)

10 Jul 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Uncategorized

Be vewy, vewy quiet.  I’m hunting celebrities!

And don’t tell anybody either!  It’s a secret!

What kind of secret?  Well, it is a shameless plug of a secret!  Our Director of PR/Marketing used her skill of persuasion most elegantly when she sweetly whispered to me, “Promote our summer secret promotion or I will have your goodies on the anvil.  And you know I can do it too!”

Here it is: http://topsecretroom.topcosales.us/

Check it out.  Have some fun.  Watch a video, look at pictures, see a photo of Lindsey Lohan.  Keep me out of the blacksmith’s shed!  (Although the leather is intriguing…)

FDA Approved????

22 May 2009 2 Comments

by Mystertim in chemicals, cosmetics, Personal Lubricants, Regulatory, Safety, Science, sex toys Tags: , , ,

I hear things.

And some of them can really be exasperating.  How many times has someone told you that they are an FDA approved lab or that all of their products are FDA approved?  Probably quite a few.  And probably a lie.  Maybe not intentional, sometimes non-technical people misinterpret the meaning of certain things.

Let’s set this issue to rest.  Brought to you directly from the FDA website (www.fda.gov) is the following list:

The FDA does NOT approve: Companies, compound drugs from pharmacies, cosmetics, medical foods, infant formula, dietary supplements, food labels including Nutrition Facts, structure-function claims on dietary supplements and other foods.

The FDA does approve: New drugs and biologics, medical devices (risk-based tier system we’ll discuss further down), additives in food for people, drugs and additives in food for animals, color additives used in FDA-regulated products.

That’s it!  There is no FDA-approved cosmetic.  We are not an FDA-approved laboratory or manufacturer.  We are an FDA registered facility.  That means that the FDA knows where we are, knows what we are manufacturing and can drop in to inspect us at any time.  (We are also registered with the State of California Department of Public Health, Food and Drug Branch.  They inspect us too!)

Time to take a look at a couple of the items mentioned above:

1) Medical devices – OK, you may wonder how this category affects you.  But it is very relevant.  Condoms, personal lubricants, cock rings, clitoral engorgement items are all medical devices!  Cock rings are in the lowest risk category and the FDA allows their sale without pre-market approval providing that they have the same use and are of the same technology of what is already on the market.  They also need the appropriate instructions and warnings in the language provided by the FDA.

Personal lubricants and condoms are Class II medical devices.  They can be cleared for marketing based on an FDA determination that they are substantially equivalent to an already marketed device of the same type.  This requires a lot of testing and expense by the manufacturing company.  And upon that determination, the product is granted a 510(k) number.   In case you were going to ask, if your new product does not strongly resemble one already on the market, you have to complete a NDA (New Drug Application.)

High risk medical devices like a mechanical heart valve require FDA approval after what can be years of testing and review.

2) Color additives for FDA regulated products.  Those would be all Foods, drugs and cosmetics.  The US works on a positive list.  If the colorant is listed for your particular application, you can use it.  If it is not on the list, no way.

3) Dietary supplements.  If someone offers you a vitamin pill, energy shot, “enhancement” pill and claims they are FDA approved, run away!  The FDA requires the following statement: “This product has not been reviewed by the FDA and is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.”  And if it did, that dietary supplement would be a prescription drug.

So what have we learned today?  The FDA does not approve companies or bunches of products.  Since they don’t approve them, do we have to follow their rules?  You betcha!  Our products are regulated, but not necessarily approved.  There are many things that I haven’t touched on here.  Ask me!

Ask questions!  Question authority!

Premature Ejaculation (What, too soon?)

22 Dec 2008 5 Comments

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , ,

I’ll try to keep this short.

Folks, have you ever been in a sexual situation where the game was over before the coin toss decided?  Then you may have had an experience with premature ejaculation.  What does that really mean?

Premature ejaculation is when a man has an orgasm sooner than he or his partner would like.  If it just happens once in a while, that is fairly normal and reciting baseball scores or thinking of Aunt Martha’s arm fat may slow you down just enough.  However, if it a regular occurance, you may want to look into the issue.

Folks used to think that premature ejaculation was purely a psychological problem, but modern medicine has determined that there are physical causes as well.  Let’s take a quick look at it.  First, there is no medical standard as to how long a man should last before orgasm.  The largest indicator is that orgasming too soon causes distress or concern between partners.  But remember, there doesn’t have to be a partner.  You can also experience premature ejaculation during masturbation.  The question is, “Does it bother you?”

There are many possible causes.  Psychologically, perhaps you have established a mental pattern which could include having to rush to orgasm to avoid being caught or feelings of guilt over sex.  Yes, you can train your body to respond through repeated actions or thoughts.  So please, be nice to yourselves.

Biologically, it could be caused by abnormal hormone levels, abnormal levels of neurotransmitters, abnormal reflex activity of the ejaculatory system, thyroid, inflammation or infection of the prostate or urethra or unspecified inherited traits.  So it could be a combination of problems, or a single source.  Current thought leans towards a single source if this has been a lifelong problem.  Of course this can all be complicated by impotence (we’ll talk about this later), stress, medication or health problems.

When should you seek help?  If you are unhappy, talk to your doctor!  I cannot stress enough that your doctor has heard it all before and can help.  Don’t fear the MD!  Are there some things you can try before going to the doctor?  Sure!

Try the Squeeze Technique.  Begin sexual contact as normal.  If it feels like you are going to ejaculate, have your partner squeeze your penis right where the head meets the shaft until the feeling goes away.  It should only be several seconds.  Then continue.  Don’t worry if you go a little soft.  Simba will be up for the challenge as soon as sexual activity resumes.  Repeat as necessary, soon you may be able to control the feelings without squeezing.

Squeeze 101

Squeeze 101

Or…

You could masturbate an hour or two before sex.  The second orgasm almost always take longer to reach.  (Which reminds me of a joke:  A man picks up a sex worker for a paid encounter.  After she disrobes she sees him in the corner masturbating furiously.  She asks him why and he replies, “For $100 you’re not getting the easy one!”)  Or as a couple, you can decide not to have intercourse every time and focus on other sexual activities which may relieve some of the performance anxiety.  It may also help you feel more comfortable in your sexuality as well.

My friend Karinna Kittles-Karsten (www.sacredlove.com) is a strong believer in Sexual Toning.  She is brilliant.  Check out her website, you’ll thank me for it someday.  But don’t forget to thank her too.  Here is how she describes Sexual Toning:  Note: if you have a urinary tract infection, consult a physician before attempting.  1. Come into a squat position with your heels turned in slightly.  Elbows between your knees, bring hands into a prayer position. 2. Inhale and contract the small muscular area between your anus and genitals. 3. Exhale and relax the muscles. Repeat nine times to start.  When you become comfortable, work up to 3-4 sets a day.

Work those PC Muscles!

Work those PC Muscles!

You can also work this area sitting at your desk.

Then we have topical medications.  There is a category of Over the Counter Drugs (OTC) called Male Genital Desensitizers.  These can be creams, gels or sprays usually containing benzocaine or lidocaine.  These are sprayed/massaged on the head of the penis, under the head in particular.  After a few moments, there will be a mild numbing effect.  This will theoretically delay the physical sensations that lead to premature ejaculation.  Be sure to use it five minutes or so before engaging in intercourse.  After all, we just want to slow ourselves down, not numb our partner, right?  These products can be found in drugstores, on-line and in high class adult emporiums.  Male Genital Desensitizers are recognised drugs that are regulated by the FDA.  Only FDA registered OTC manufacturers can produce them.  Your penis is serious business and believe it or not, the US Government wants to protect it!

This is a drug folks!

This is a drug folks!

(Say, Topco Sales and Basic Solutions are FDA registered OTC manufacturers!  What a lucky coincidence.)

So, if you suffer from premature ejaculation, you do not have to suffer alone.  Talk to your partner, talk to your doctor, get yourself in better physical shape, increase your sexual repertoire, use a topical product for those precious extra minutes.  You are a stallion.  Never forget that.

side-view-human-male-reproductive-system

WTBPA? (or Bisphenol A, What’s that about?)

31 Oct 2008 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in chemicals, Plastics, Safety, Science, sex toys Tags: , , , ,

Bisphenol A. 

What is it?  Where is it?  Is the a risk?  Won’t somebody please think about the children?

This is a toughie.  You may have contact with Bisphenol A (BPA) every day and just not know it.

What is it?  It is a monomer used in many plastic items like; polycarbonates, epoxy, phenolic, ethoxylene, ion-exchange resins, corrosion-resistant unsaturated polyester-styrene resins, reinforced pipes, food packaging materials and vulcanizates intended for use in contact with food and drink.  It is also one of many stabilizer for polyvinyl chloride (PVC.)

That’s a whole lot of BPA going around.  Canada just banned its use in baby bottles back on October 20, 2008.  Which is strange because the FDA, the ECB, the EFSA and the ACC all claim it is harmless as used in humans.  (FDA – US Food and Drug Administration, ECB – European Chemicals Bureau, EFSA – European Food Safety Authority, ACC – American Chemical Council)

However, the NTP (US National Toxicology Program) thinks that there could be a risk.  And they have announced that they will review its decision and re-evaluate the evidence.  And while telling us not to worry, the FDA has formed a BPA Task Force for the review of current research and new information.

That kind of leaves us all in the air, huh?  Canada says it is bad for babies and some groups want to ban it completely.  Not as easy as it sounds.

Have you used anything from the grocery store that is in a can?  Vegetables, aerosol whipped cream, tuna, soda, beer?  Most metal food cans are lined with and epoxy resin.  Remember that long paragraph earlier in this column?  Yep.  They all have BPA in them.  Now can manufacturers are looking into replacements.  They have to, it is a matter of economic survival.  Whether or not BPA is harmless, if the consumers want it gone, it had better go away.  You would pay a nickel more for safe packaging, right?  So even if it is harmless, industry will make more money off your fear.  The practice is very common.  Ever watch the “news?”

So what does BPA allegedly do?  The usual litany of diseases: cancer, diabetes, obesity, lower sperm count, Downs Syndrome, alters development of babies.  Not one good thing in the bunch.

How can we avoid it?  I’m glad you asked.  Stay away from polycarbonate bottles.  BPA can leach out of the plastic if heated, exposed to acids or even just with age.  (By the way, plastic water and soda bottles in the store don’t have BPA in them.)  Don’t cook in plastics.  I use glass on the rare occasion that I use a microwave.  Watch your recycle codes.  The safer choices for use with food are 1 (PETE), 2 (HDPE), 4 (LDPE) and 5 (PP).  Try to avoid preparing, storing or eating/drinking from 3 (V), 6 (PS) and 7 (other, except new bio-based plastics that are labelled as such.)

Avoid using plastic containers in the microwave.  Beware of cling wraps for microwave use.  Use alternatives to plastic packaging whenever possible.  And always recycle everything you can!  If you want to know more, drop me a line and I will help as much as I can.

And to think people used to laugh at me when I drank out of a beaker…

How ‘Bout Them Parabens?

08 Sep 2008 2 Comments

by Mystertim in Personal Lubricants, Preservatives, Science, sex toys Tags: , , , , ,

Time to talk about preservatives.  This is a pretty touchy subject with a lot of big guns on both sides of the debate.  Let’s see where we go…

The first thing to mention is that preservatives can be toxic.  Of course they can.  Their sole job is to kill things so that our products stay fresh and usable.  Preservatives kill off nasty microbiological organisms like viruses, bacteria, yeast and mold.  That’s a good thing right?  Otherwise we would only have local cosmetics that have to be kept in the refrigerator and replaced every few days.  No more national brands and a big upswing in the sale of portable coolers.

I mean, how clean are your hands?  Pretty darn clean you think.  You think incorrectly.  One of my favorite show and tell demos when training new chemists is to ask them just like I asked you how clean their hands are.  Then I have them put their thumb on the agar in a micro plate.  (Agar is what we use as food to test for microbial growth.  Give ’em food, a moist warm place to thrive and see if it can survive.)

Two days later, I show them the plates.  And the amount of growth is always amazing.  All kinds of bumps and fuzz of many different colors.  Now we know with great certainty who washes their hands after using the restroom and who doesn’t.  It is truly an eye-opener.

Wash your hands!

Wash your hands!

So if a scientist’s hands which are washed religiously and covered with gloves aren’t clean, how do you think the average person’s hands compare.  Chemistry 101: A real chemist washes their hands before they use the restroom as well as after.

And you think nothing about sticking your finger into your jar of cream after a long day?  Ugh!

OK, so now we know that things are dirty and that preservatives are used to combat all the nasties that can grow on our skin.  So let’s cut to the chase and get to parabens.

parabens

Parabens: A group of preservatives (esters of p-hydroxybenzoic acid) used very commonly in cosmetics, food, pharmaceutical and industrial products.  You can find them on labels listed as: methylparaben, propylparaben, ethylparaben, butylparaben, isopropylparaben or isobutylparaben.  They were first introduced in the 1920’s, hit commercial cosmetic use in the 1930’s, were first listed as GRAS (generally recognized as safe) in 1995 by the US EPA at a combined percentage of 0.8% in cosmetic products.  The average cosmetic concentration of parabens usually runs between 0.20-0.40%.  And as with any material, it is possible to be allergic to parabens.

But in 2004, there was a study by Dr Philippa Darbre at the University of Reading that showed out of twenty breast tumors studied, all of them had parabens in them.  Wow. That set the press in motion and before long many thought that parabens cause breast cancer.  Why would they think that?  Well, it seems that parabens (butylparaben is the most potent of the family) have some oestrogenic activity.  Estrogen is an endocrine distrupor.  Disrupt the endocrine system enough, cancer can grow.  The test was published in the Journal of Applied Toxicology.

So on the one hand, there are a few studies that show a causal link between parabens and breast cancer.  However, those studies bring more questions than answers.  On the other hand the US, EU, Japan, the National Cancer Institute and several respected naturalists do not see any cause for alarm.  The oestrogenic activity of parabens is approximately 100,000 times weaker than a woman’s natural estrogen.

Give the public what it wants.  Several groups have reopened studies on parabens and more work is being. done.  We should probably ban everything that causes cancer, huh?

Did you know that all plants naturally produce p-hydroxybenzoic acid?  They produce parabens to protect themselves against attack by micro-organisms.  Gee, just like we use them in cosmetics and personal lubricants!  And guess what?  Almonds, apples, broccoli, cherry, mango and many, many more have potent oestrogenic activity.  We consume more parabens through organic foods than we get from cosmetics.

Fruit Basket!

How does it end?  Parabens have been used safely for over 50 years.  They are stable, recommended for use with sensitive skin and no link has been conclusively shown between parabens and any cancer or illness.  If the thought of using them makes you uncomfortable, read the labels and buy products with alternative preservative systems.  It does however remind me of an old saying,

“A rumour can run around the world before the truth gets its shoes on.”

Strap It On!

29 Aug 2008 7 Comments

by Mystertim in Psychology, sex toys, Strap-ons, Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

This topic was brought on by a comment I made in an earlier post called “Grilled Cheese Sandwich.”  But I needed the proper motivation to write this piece.  Well with the theme from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” playing in the background, I can man up and tackle the subject.

Men and Strap-ons

OK, what is a strap-on?  It is a device where a dildo or vibrator is held in a harness that is strapped onto another person.  The strap generally goes around the waist and between the legs with a holding device on the front to mount a sex toy.

Take it like a Man!

Take it like a Man!

You may be thinking, “Ain’t nobody going to stuff a banana up my tailpipe!”

Fair enough.

But let’s take a closer look at why we would think think that.  Lots of men would and do love engaging in anal sex with the ladies.  C’mon, how many of you guys have ever watched a woman walk away and thought, even for just a second, how warm and tight that would feel?  Oh yeah, pretty much all of us.

Some women have the attitude of, “If he wants me to take it back there, he can take it back there too so he knows how it feels.”

WHEW!  There’s a thought.  Reminds me of an old joke.  Remind me to tell it to you sometime.  Turns the whole world around when you think about bending over for her doesn’t it?  Yet you want her to do it without a second thought, don’t you?  Yeah you do.

But taking it up the ass doesn’t make her gay!  Women are supposed to be all access!  Since when?  I don’t remember getting that email or seeing that story in the New York Times.  Not even the Leisure section.

So it’s pretty much the gay thing isn’t it?  I thought so.  Well, like I mentioned before, don’t ever let yourself be talked into doing anything that you really, really don’t want to do.  Either of you.  So you may never get to enter through her backdoor.  Deal with it.  Nor do you have to give yours up either.  But I’m going to get medical on you here.

Prostate massage.  Learn it, live it, love it.  Yes I know that once a year you bend over and your doctor gives you the finger.  That’s different.  The doc is looking for any abnormal swelling.  And you know what happens when you get an enlarged prostate: constant urge to urinate, depressed libido and possibly an operation that takes away your ability for erection.  Damn.  Do you really want to risk that?  Sure, medicine has advanced, but you might still end up needing a balloon inserted in your penis and have to pump it up like a ball before the game.  Of course prostate massage is not guaranteed to eliminate risk of an enlarged prostate, but the massage is recommended by many physicians.

Learn it, love it!

Learn it, love it!

If you can loosen up a little, perhaps enjoy a little rimming (God bless her!) and a finger, you could learn all about prostate massage.  It can be a truly liberating experience.  Incredibly intimate experience with your Lady with one hand or mouth up front and a digit or two in the back will literally blow your mind! 

But your lover’s finger isn’t a rubber cock is it?  Back to gay paranoia.  Look, if your aren’t interested in having sex with men, a strap-on isn’t going to change your mind or character.  You can be the toughest linebacker in the league and still enjoy a good ramming from your Lady.  If the two of you are interested, start small.  Now you understand the look on her face when you brought home that enormous dildo from the bachelor party.  Consider the consequences of that sliding home inside you!

Another world turning moment, huh?

If your partner has any toys, look at them together.  What scares you the least?  Don’t worry.  She will be attentive and she will be very concerned about your well-being.  Especially if this is something she really, really wants to do.  So take a shower and be sure to wash well back there.

Get comfortable and pick a position.  Some men prefer doggy, so she can’t see the fear in your face the first time.  Some men prefer to be on their backs so that there is instant non-verbal feedback during the playtime.  Women are usually very good at picking expressions and clues that we never seem to see or even know that we are broadcasting.  Some men only let their partner play with their backdoor in a BDSM setting.  After all, if you are tied up you aren’t responsible for what happens to you, right?  (We will explore this thought process in a different post later, after more science stuff.)

Pick a toy.  Partake in some extended foreplay.  See?  It really is important.  Use lots of lube.  Let her try her finger and if that goes well, have her put in another, then a third.  It will feel strange.  Kind of like you want to have a bowel movement.  Don’t worry, if you went earlier and washed well, nothing embarrassing should happen.

Ready?  Here comes the toy.  She will go slowly and treat you the way she would like to be treated.  Please take note of this.  You may well get your turn later in the evening.  Don’t mess it up.  You will feel weird.  Your anus will feel stretched and will start to tingle.  Some men have an orgasm right there.  Some don’t.  Take it like a man.  You are planting the roses and doing it for her.  Many of you will actually learn to enjoy it.

She will go nuts for you.  You became vulnerable and opened up for her.  You trusted her.  You trusted her with your very manhood.  And you both probably got great orgasms out of it.  It could be a one time thing or could be added to your bedroom rotation.  At worst, it didn’t work out and one or either of you didn’t like it.  That is OK!  The point is you experimented together and could be drawn closer by the experience.  You understand her point of view by switching places.  It’s not for everybody.  If one of you likes it but the other doesn’t, well we know how to handle ourselves while staying true to a monogamous relationship don’t we?

At best, it is an incredible bonding experience.  One that is fulfilling, exciting and just plain hot.  There can be a lot of back and forth and marathon sex sessions are always welcome.  And they start happening more and more often too!

So does taking a finger, toy or strap-on make you gay.  Hell no!  But it will open doors to closer intimacy and who knows what experiment is next?  I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

Grilled Cheese Sandwich!

07 Aug 2008 1 Comment

by Mystertim in Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , ,

I was roaming around some other blogs and ran across an interesting entry on www.funsextoyreview.wordpress.com about love bullets.  I did mention early on that we would not only discuss chemicals and materials, but that we would, from time to time, address the emotional impact of sex toys and cosmetics as well.  Here we go.

(OK, for transparency sake, her blog is a sister blog to mine and we work at the same company.  That is not going to change my point: She mentions using a sex toy in conjunction with her partner.  Secondary vibrations are awesome!  Read her blog.  Tell her Tim sent you.)

Using sex toys or as we called them in the old days marital aids, is a wonderful addition to your bedroom repetoire.  But there are a few things to think about before you do…

Some guys have a problem with sex toys.  There it is.  Right out in the open.  Dildos and vibrators can be rather intimidating.  Sex toys are low maintenance, always ready to go, they don’t need their egos stroked, they never had a bad day, and never ask you to do weird things!  I mean, when was the last time your dildo asked you to make him a grilled cheese sandwich?  

Oh yeah, dildos are larger than a majority of men too.  *sigh*   It is hard enough trying to be a man these days, but to have your lady bring a big rubber penis into your bedroom?  What is she saying?  Aren’t I enough for her?  Does she want to leave me?  Does she expect me to touch another penis?  Even if it is fake?  My dick isn’t that small is it?  More issues than a newstand.

I am talking to the men here:  Relax!  You’re fine.  She is looking to increase your excitement and create a closer bond with you.  Haven’t you ever wished you could do two or more things at once with her?  Now you can!  She will love the additional stimulation and vibrations.  Don’t be surprised if she wants to have sex more often!

She is not leaving.  If she was, she wouldn’t be trying new things in the bedroom with you.  Everyone has a secret itch that needs scratching.  Be honored she trusts you enough to let you in on her secret.  Yes, you are that much of a stud.  Besides, unless you are swingers, she does not want anyone else in bed with you!  She loves you.  She wants you.  She is crazy about your dick.  And no, touching a rubber penis does not make you gay.  Think of it as a tool in your bedroom toolbox.  Kind of like a special hammer or “screw”driver.  Imagine being a handyman with everything she needs in and under your toolbelt.  (Hard hat optional)

Ladies: Do not sneak up behind your man wearing a strap-on.  Unless he is into it.

So it all comes down to communication and intimacy.  Discuss your feelings and fantasies in a safe environment.  It is OK to get turned on during the discussion.  Try not to grab each other until the conversation is finished.  I know it is hard to hide that horrified look on your face at some particular fantasy, acknowledge but don’t condemn the kinky thoughts.  Never say never, but don’t let yourself be talked into something you really, really don’t want to do.  Either of you.

Sex toys are fun.  I love them!  They can add a new dimension to your lovemaking.  They can take your intimacy to another level.  They can really improve your sexual health as an individual and as a couple.  After all, what is hotter than than leaving your partner exhausted and totally satisfied?

Nothing.  Not even a grilled cheese sandwich.

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