Doors (What is behind Door Number Three?)

12 Mar 2010 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex toys, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Doors.

Why doors?  I am sitting at my desk on a Friday afternoon and have been watching the crew install a new door on my lab.  They tore out the old swollen door, reamed out the opening and are installing a brand new, high-security door.  And they keep singing the Mickey Mouse theme song.  If only this were Wednesday, then anything could happen!

So what do doors have to do with sex and sexuality?

Well, thanks to Jim Morrison, my college escapades were legendary!  Some day I will write a book that scandalizes future generations.  But those weren’t The Doors I was going to discuss.  Doors are like smiles.  There are doors that make you happy, there are doors that make you blue.  Ponder that for a moment.  Doors go both ways.  Which doors are you happy to open?  Your bedroom door?  Her/His/Their door?

What about the door to your favorite restaurant or your favorite porn shop?  (Excuse me, Lifestyle Sexuality Empowerment Facility, where you can find many instruments of self-exploration and joy by Doc Johnson!)  Is it the door or what is behind it?  Or the moment of “What if?” as you reach for the knob?

My vote is for the “What if?” moment.  And that my friend is a totally different kind of door.  It is the one you constructed in your mind.  The part that excites you because you think you know what is on the other side, but you don’t know how the experience will go down.

 As I mentioned, doors go both ways.  They let things out or they can keep things in.  The Dark Side of the Door.  All of us have something locked away in our mental closet that brings us pain.  Or prevents us from ever really enjoying our life.  Simple choice, hard decision.  Some things should remain locked away.  Acknowledged, but firmly behind bars.

But if it SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) rip that door off its hinges!  If you are gay, be gay.  If you are straight, be straight.  If you are trans, make the move.  If you are bisexual, you just doubled your chance for a date this weekend!  (Apologies to Woody Allen.)

Me?  Well, I’m a tush guy.  As attributed to Burt Reynolds, “If what’s behind don’t catch my eye, what’s up front don’t affect my fly.”  There’s other stuff, sure.  But that is between my partners and me.  Applications are cheerfully accepted.

So live a little, be nice to yourself and play safe.  We’ll talk more later.

(And to those of you who were expecting a post about backdoor/anal sex, maybe on Wednesday…)

Happy New Year! (Quiet, I am still recovering…)

07 Jan 2010 1 Comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Happy New Year everyone!

A fresh year is stretching out in front of us.  Another chance to make a difference!  (Remember when we were going to change the world?  Well, we are.)

Full of potential.  Full of opportunity.  Full of second chances.  Full of something…

So how did you spend your celebration?  I recall the year that I jumped nude into the Long Island Sound at midnight.  Talk about cold!  Not to mention shrinkage!  (Actually there were several of us who ran to my house up the hill from the beach and piled in front of the roaring fireplace directly afterwards.)  That was a good year.

This year I was in bed at midnight.  You know me, if I am not in bed by 10:00 PM, I go home!

But, I was in bed with company and thought, “What a perfect way to bring in the New Year.”  So intimate and warm.  No we did not have simultaneous orgasms on the final stroke of midnight.  That stuff is for stories.  But we did get up afterwards for some blueberry pie.  With real whipped cream too!

Pie, love, warmth, happiness and some great sex.  Makes one realize that this is the meaning of life.  Nothing else really matters.

So for the New Year, love yourself.  Let yourself love others.  Let others love you and it will be an amazing year.

You know, I am really looking forward to it.

Tricky, tricky, tricky (or The Economy and You)

17 Jul 2009 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Plastics, Psychology, Science, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So, how’s it going these days?

A little rough?  Yeah, here too.  I mean the economy, the environment, politics, well everything is getting complicated.

For example: To save the Earth, stop using plastic bags!  Makes sense.  Plastic takes a long time to break-down and quite frankly the landfills are stuffed with plastic bags and bottles.  But guess what?  I put “Plastic bag manufacturer” + “plant closure” into a search engine and discovered that globally over 30,000 people have lost their jobs due to factories that make those plastic bags have had to close!  Decreased demand equals decreased supply equals decreased employment.

The economy is tanking, people are losing their jobs and you would rather save the planet?  Like I said, tricky.

And that brings me to sex toys.

How?  Easy.  When my mind gets frantic with political correctness, war, trauma, the economy, etc, nothing clears the mind better (in less time than time than meditation) than a good orgasm.  A good orgasm clears the mind, relieves the stress and generally brightens the day.  Now when it comes to orgasming, I’m a pretty handy guy. 😉

But sometimes you need more to really make it memorable.  Whether you are with your significant other, a friendly group or flying solo, toys and lubes can help.  And while there are many, many excellent products on the market, you should buy everything that my company makes.  (Remember the bit about decreased demand?  Daddy needs to get paid!)  There are all types of strokers, dildos, butt plugs, vibrators, cock rings, pumps, lubes, creams and stuff for every taste and every flavor.  If you aren’t sure what to buy, ask me!  I can help.

“But Dr Tim!” you say, “Everything seems so expensive!”  Well, yes.  Good sex toys can be pricey, but look at it this way: You could buy a sex swing, a good vibrator and some lube or go on vacation.  A vacation is over in a week, but those sex toys are something you will have for a long, long time.  (Apologies to Woody Allen.)

So leave your inhibitions at the door, grab your favorite partner or toy, put Skinimax on the flat screen and get it on!  Remember porn stars only have you in mind!  And do what they do just for you and at some level of personal risk as well.  God bless them one and all!

Slide it, slip it, clamp it or tie it.  Whatever gets you there.  I don’t judge, but studies have shown that folks with frequent sexual activity tend to be more even-tempered, calm, cool and collected.  You are cool aren’t you?  Some say that everyone should have at least three orgasms a week.

So I’m doing my bit.  How about you?

The Amazing Clitoris

15 Oct 2008 4 Comments

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Female, Physiology, Psychology, Science, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Pop Quiz!

Is the clitoris more like an iceberg or a paper airplane?  Use both sides of your paper if necessary.

BOTH!!  But unless you have made a specific study of the body part in question, you may be amazed by that answer.  Let’s get scientific…

You may be familiar with the glans of the clitoris, or “the little man in the boat” as it was called back in my youth.  But the actual structure is much larger, with most of it hidden internally by bone and fat.  Just like an iceberg!  You see only the tip, but there is more, much more!  Now imagine a paper airplane.  Start at the point.  That is the glans.  Now follow the two wings outward at an angle.  These are the two arms of the clitoris.  They extend almost to where the muscles that run up the inner thigh end.  That makes the area where the inner leg meets the pelvis pretty sensitive.  No wonder she loves it when you nibble there!  Between the arms are two bulbs, one on each side of the vaginal opening.  Check out the illustration:

Anatomy

Anatomy

You may be wondering just what the heck all this does.  We have an idea, but believe it or not, the female sexual organs have never been studied as much as the men’s.  In fact much of what we now know about the clitoris has been recently re-discovered in the 1980’s.  No that isn’t a typo.  I really wrote since the 1980’s.  Kinda sad, huh?  For a long time, medical texts basically ignored the female sex stuff.  I read that the best information was from dissections done over a hundred years ago and that wasn’t quite accurate.

So, does the clitoris have a function?  Absolutely!  Lots of them!  Probably more than we have already figured out too.  For example, the clitoris surrounds the urethra on three sides while the fourth is embedded in the vaginal wall.  When stimulated, the erectile tissue swells and helps close the urethra possibly preventing bacteria from entering and causing bladder infections.  Yes, it can and does happen.  The bulbs swell keeping the vagina firm to aid penetration.  And you thought only men had erectile tissue.  Another favorite function is of course, aiding in orgasm.   We should talk about orgasms sometime.  Let’s plan it over coffee.

So from the look of things, it is possible that the G-Spot is really part of the clitoris.  Nibbling of the hip joints and pressure on the pubic bone all seem to make sense when you consider the total anatomy.  There may even be no difference among clitoral, vaginal and anal orgasms as everything seems to be tied together.  Fascinating!

So who finally did all this research?  Well one of the most important people you can thank Helen E. O’Connell (Department of Surgery, University of Melbourne, Parkville, Victoria, Australia and Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology, University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, Michigan) who has been spearheading the research into the anatomy and physiology of the clitoris and has been doing a lot of great work on health issues that effect women.  Hopefully with her work, urinary surgeries could be accomplished without compromising sexuality.  Just as prostate operations can leave some men partially impotent, many surgeries can damage the nerve pathways affecting the clitoris.  (The illustration is from her paper “Clitoral Anatomy in Nulliparous, Healthy, Premenopausal Volunteers Using Unenhanced Magnetic Resonance Imaging” written with John O. L. DeLancey.  J Urol. 2005 June; 173(6): 2060-2063)  It’s a good read if you into that knid of thing.  (And I am!)

It’s about time.

Strap It On!

29 Aug 2008 7 Comments

by Mystertim in Psychology, sex toys, Strap-ons, Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

This topic was brought on by a comment I made in an earlier post called “Grilled Cheese Sandwich.”  But I needed the proper motivation to write this piece.  Well with the theme from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly” playing in the background, I can man up and tackle the subject.

Men and Strap-ons

OK, what is a strap-on?  It is a device where a dildo or vibrator is held in a harness that is strapped onto another person.  The strap generally goes around the waist and between the legs with a holding device on the front to mount a sex toy.

Take it like a Man!

Take it like a Man!

You may be thinking, “Ain’t nobody going to stuff a banana up my tailpipe!”

Fair enough.

But let’s take a closer look at why we would think think that.  Lots of men would and do love engaging in anal sex with the ladies.  C’mon, how many of you guys have ever watched a woman walk away and thought, even for just a second, how warm and tight that would feel?  Oh yeah, pretty much all of us.

Some women have the attitude of, “If he wants me to take it back there, he can take it back there too so he knows how it feels.”

WHEW!  There’s a thought.  Reminds me of an old joke.  Remind me to tell it to you sometime.  Turns the whole world around when you think about bending over for her doesn’t it?  Yet you want her to do it without a second thought, don’t you?  Yeah you do.

But taking it up the ass doesn’t make her gay!  Women are supposed to be all access!  Since when?  I don’t remember getting that email or seeing that story in the New York Times.  Not even the Leisure section.

So it’s pretty much the gay thing isn’t it?  I thought so.  Well, like I mentioned before, don’t ever let yourself be talked into doing anything that you really, really don’t want to do.  Either of you.  So you may never get to enter through her backdoor.  Deal with it.  Nor do you have to give yours up either.  But I’m going to get medical on you here.

Prostate massage.  Learn it, live it, love it.  Yes I know that once a year you bend over and your doctor gives you the finger.  That’s different.  The doc is looking for any abnormal swelling.  And you know what happens when you get an enlarged prostate: constant urge to urinate, depressed libido and possibly an operation that takes away your ability for erection.  Damn.  Do you really want to risk that?  Sure, medicine has advanced, but you might still end up needing a balloon inserted in your penis and have to pump it up like a ball before the game.  Of course prostate massage is not guaranteed to eliminate risk of an enlarged prostate, but the massage is recommended by many physicians.

Learn it, love it!

Learn it, love it!

If you can loosen up a little, perhaps enjoy a little rimming (God bless her!) and a finger, you could learn all about prostate massage.  It can be a truly liberating experience.  Incredibly intimate experience with your Lady with one hand or mouth up front and a digit or two in the back will literally blow your mind! 

But your lover’s finger isn’t a rubber cock is it?  Back to gay paranoia.  Look, if your aren’t interested in having sex with men, a strap-on isn’t going to change your mind or character.  You can be the toughest linebacker in the league and still enjoy a good ramming from your Lady.  If the two of you are interested, start small.  Now you understand the look on her face when you brought home that enormous dildo from the bachelor party.  Consider the consequences of that sliding home inside you!

Another world turning moment, huh?

If your partner has any toys, look at them together.  What scares you the least?  Don’t worry.  She will be attentive and she will be very concerned about your well-being.  Especially if this is something she really, really wants to do.  So take a shower and be sure to wash well back there.

Get comfortable and pick a position.  Some men prefer doggy, so she can’t see the fear in your face the first time.  Some men prefer to be on their backs so that there is instant non-verbal feedback during the playtime.  Women are usually very good at picking expressions and clues that we never seem to see or even know that we are broadcasting.  Some men only let their partner play with their backdoor in a BDSM setting.  After all, if you are tied up you aren’t responsible for what happens to you, right?  (We will explore this thought process in a different post later, after more science stuff.)

Pick a toy.  Partake in some extended foreplay.  See?  It really is important.  Use lots of lube.  Let her try her finger and if that goes well, have her put in another, then a third.  It will feel strange.  Kind of like you want to have a bowel movement.  Don’t worry, if you went earlier and washed well, nothing embarrassing should happen.

Ready?  Here comes the toy.  She will go slowly and treat you the way she would like to be treated.  Please take note of this.  You may well get your turn later in the evening.  Don’t mess it up.  You will feel weird.  Your anus will feel stretched and will start to tingle.  Some men have an orgasm right there.  Some don’t.  Take it like a man.  You are planting the roses and doing it for her.  Many of you will actually learn to enjoy it.

She will go nuts for you.  You became vulnerable and opened up for her.  You trusted her.  You trusted her with your very manhood.  And you both probably got great orgasms out of it.  It could be a one time thing or could be added to your bedroom rotation.  At worst, it didn’t work out and one or either of you didn’t like it.  That is OK!  The point is you experimented together and could be drawn closer by the experience.  You understand her point of view by switching places.  It’s not for everybody.  If one of you likes it but the other doesn’t, well we know how to handle ourselves while staying true to a monogamous relationship don’t we?

At best, it is an incredible bonding experience.  One that is fulfilling, exciting and just plain hot.  There can be a lot of back and forth and marathon sex sessions are always welcome.  And they start happening more and more often too!

So does taking a finger, toy or strap-on make you gay.  Hell no!  But it will open doors to closer intimacy and who knows what experiment is next?  I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

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