Advanced Research! (or, Come and knock on our door…)

Greetings Earthlings!  (And a cheerful “Howdy” to all of my off-world fans!)

As you know, Dr Tim takes his job very seriously.

Today as I was studying a trade journal, I ran across an interesting article with a very interesting concept.  It seems that a major brand of chips was going to launch some new packaging and they wanted a specific feel to go with it.  Here is a short blurb about their strategy:

“…As part of the research process, the corporate team actually partied with consumers in their own homes, versus focus group testing, to immerse themselves in what defines a party. Part of this included observing what resonates with consumers based on the visual influencers in their environment, in addition to what they served, what other brands they identified with, and how they entertained…”

WOW!

Can you see where I am going with this?

In order to help me help you, I am willing to get down with you in your own home, to discover what defines “sex” to you.  I will observe what influences your bedroom behaviour, what you use and what items you identify with during sex.

That’s right!  You too can have Dr Tim join you in your bedroom in the interest of science!  I will lend a hand, steady the ladder and make notes about your preferred lube for butt-fucking, which dildo you like or do you want a strap-on?  Do you use any flavoring enhancers during blow jobs or kitty licking?  What about rimming?  Don’t forget about the rimming!

And there is always Fifty Shades of WHOO-HOO!!!  Whip me, beat me, feel me, fuck me, bite me, burn me, cum on my tits and get on with your life!

I will be there for you so that the Mighty Doc Johnson can address your needs even more directly than before…

You will think we designed these toys just for you and you know what?  You will be one hundred percent correct.

So let me know if you are ready to enter the world of scientific research.  We’ll meet in your bedroom, backroom, garage, alley, dungeon or wherever.  I’ll be the one with the lab coat, camcorder and big smile.

It’s on Baby.  It’s on!

(Mothers of five-year olds must secure a sitter before actual action ensues…)

‘Tis The Season! (or, Gimmie, Gimmie!)

Ah, the holidays!

What a wonderful time to look back, review your year and make the appropriate adjustments so that the coming year is even better.  You become a better person, the type of person you had always hoped that you would be when you grew up.  Kind, generous, respected and well-loved.

Time to get nostalgic about family, friends, lost or found loves.  Tradition.

Speaking of tradition, WHAT DID YOU GET ME?????

Most of you were nice.  Some of you were very naughty.  And a few of you were nicely naughty and sent Dr Tim pictures and videos of yourselves using your fine Doc Johnson toys and lubricants!  Warms my heart.  Truly!  No cash, but a warm fuzzy feeling like when she hasn’t shaved for a week or so.

So how was your year?  Did you finally find a woman who was “all-access?”  Did you find a man who wasn’t threatened by your toys or that strap-on dildo you bought?

My year was great.  Here at Doc Johnson we had some very successful shows including a spectacular one at Hustler Hollywood!  It was all about the Wonderland.

It was AMAZING!

It was AMAZING!

Other awesome stuff happened too.  Great folks getting their body parts molded, like James Deen and Vicky Vette.  It was an incredibly exciting year!

And wait until you see 2013!  We have new toys and new lubricants coming out that will blow your mind.  And help you get blown as well.

I mean, after all, what are the holidays without a heaping dose of holiday sex?

Someone asked the other day if I had a favorite sex toy.  Of course I do!  It’s Debi Diamond!  (A kind gentle soul who is sexy and kinky to the core.  Now if I could get her and Christy Canyon at the same time…)

What better gift to give a loved one, or stranger, than a long slow blowjob or maybe some anal sex?  Men and women around the globe would love to receive those presents.  Many at the same time.  Ever been to an out-of-control office party?  Like that only everyone keeps their jobs.

And Doc Johnson is there to supply all of your sexual accessories.  Your orientation doesn’t matter, we have what you need.  All types of dildos, vibrators, masturbators, lubes and lotions.  We help make the season bright.  Or turn off the lights, we are just happy to be there with you.

So don’t be selfish this season.  Give orgasms to everyone you meet.  And maybe you will receive a few of your own.  No matter the fetish or form, we are here for you.

And like Dr Tim always says, unless he doesn’t, “I don’t judge.  I just want to hold the camcorder.”

Merry Christmas everyone!  And until next year, enjoy your ho, ho, hos!

 

Quote of the Day (Or, Lovely Sentiment)

So there I was, having a conversation with an amazing woman at work.  She was commenting on the fact that not everyone privileged to work at a company which empowers people to embrace their sexuality, is as open-minded as those of us who do.  Well, to be quite honest, everyone regardless of employment may have certain phobias of a sexual nature.

Can you guess our topic?  That’s right!  Butt sex!

She had overheard some folks disparaging butt plugs.  You are familiar with butt plugs aren’t you?  They come in all shapes and sizes for your specific anal pleasure.  For example:

The folks she overheard were none too complimentary towards the intended use of said item or the people who use them.

That is when she uttered my Quote of the Day: “If their ass is a sacred temple of flatulence and waste, I feel sorry for them!”

What a powerful statement!

All types of men, women and trans use butt plugs to fulfill their needs and desires.  Nothing wrong with that!  Some like the feeling of fullness, the stretching or just get off on the deed.

Remember: It is your ass.  Enjoy it!

Q&A Day! (or, Too Lazy to Summon a Topic)

Morning Troops!

It is a beautiful Monday morning out here in Southern California.  I understand there may be a bit of rain Out East, but try to stay dry and warm now.  You hear?

So many questions!  I do believe that it is time to address a few of them and undress the askers.

Q1. Are sex toys actually useful or are they something to hide behind?

A. Sex toys are very useful.  They can help folks expand their sexual repertoire, help them understand desires and assist them score some really great orgasms!  Sex toys can help build the trust between couples and get single people through the night.  Can you hide behind them?  Well I’ve seen some pretty big toys, but none to hide behind!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells sex toys for all tastes, desires and needs.  If you need a substitute cock, call the Doc!)

Q2. What about lubricants?

A. Deary, deary me!  Lubricants are very helpful and fun!  (remember, I make them, Doc Johnson sells them!)  Lubricants help folks that want to add different flavors to their favorite partner, lubricate orifices that do not naturally lubricate themselves and are a must when inserting oversize objects or fists.  I recommend that you always keep a bottle or two on hand for just such an emergency.  When my son was younger, the wife and I would put it on the doorknob.  Made it tough for him to turn…

Q3. Can you make semen taste like chocolate?

A. Working on it.  If I do, my next blog will be sent from an as of yet undesignated island.

Q4. Do you always think about sex?

A. Well, yes.  My job is thinking of ways to enhance your sexual experience.  And then turn it into a real thing.  Not everyone needs or wants these items, but they are incredibly important to others.  Your satisfaction is my business.

Q5. WHich is better for a quickie, oral or anal sex?

A. Dr Tim does not do quickies.  If you do not have a couple of hours to play, don’t start with me.  However, oral sex is pretty darn good for a quickie.  But then again, so is anal or even regular intercourse.  There is no best or better.  Only you and your partner know what will work for you.  Whatever happened to a good old handie now and then?

Q6. Why are strap-ons so popular these days?

A. Beats me!  I guess that more and more people are open to the pleasures derived from them.  More men have discovered the pleasures of prostate massage and more women have discovered the joy of helping.  Of course many same-sex couples use strap-ons as well.  Is there anything a strap-on can’t do?  Oh yeah, it cannot get you pregnant.

Q7. What about chemicals?

A. What about them?

Q8. Are the chemicals used in sex toys, lubricants and cosmetics bad for you?

A. From the top: Everything is a chemical.  Water, air, fruit, flowers, everything.  There are only so many elements that we know about in this world and they make up everything.

Q9. Phthalates or parabens ring a bell?

A. Yes.  And although many phthalates have been banned around the world, science has not shown any danger from the most popular.  They were banned by emotion, not science.  Parabens also have a sixty year history of safe use, but they have been taken out of many products due to the public which would rather demand things than learn about them.  You forgot to mention BPA.  It is in every canned good you have ever purchased.  Relax a little.  Scientist do not want to poison, you, hurt you or kill you.  If we did, who would buy our products?  By the way, Doc Johnson does not use phthalates and parabens are being phased out.

Q10. How many licks does it take?

A. Ask Lil’ Kim.

Q11. You think you’re so smart!  Why did you pick the Detroit Tigers in the World Series?

A. Shut up.

Well, we are out of time folks!  Keep those cards, letters, emails and dirty pictures coming in!

More is Less (or, So, What are You Wearing?)

OK.  I admit it. 

I love women’s clothes.  There, it is out in the open now.  Think what you want, but now we can move into our conversation for today.

So, what are you wearing?  Oh yeah, Baby!  You know what Daddy likes!

Clothing and sexuality have a close-knit relationship.  (See what I did there?)  The way you dress expresses the way you see yourself to others.  That outfit tells us how you are feeling and what you need.  Men and women get a real clue.  If you have the strength to walk into a party wearing a full-length tiger-print silk sheath and high heels, you will run the show.

Let’s talk t-shirts.  I love t-shirts.  I especially love them when a woman is wearing one.  Wearing a t-shirt lets us know that she is feeling secure.  A secure woman is a sexy woman.  There is this Blonde with Major Boobage with whom I have frequent meetings that knocks me out when she wears a t-shirt.  I wish she didn’t wear a bra with it as well, but you can’t always get what you want.  In fact, when I mentioned to her that the bra was unnecessary, she told me it was.

“I know you, Dr Tim.  If I didn’t wear a bra you would just happen by with a bucket of cold water that just might accidentally spill in my direction.”

She was right.  I wanted to test that theory, but she would have none of it and I would get none of it either.  *SIGH*

You know what else I have a clothes fetish for?  Fuzzy sweaters.  Oh man, big soft boobs encased in a layer of warm, fuzzy, snuggly wonderfulness.  It makes a grown man leak.  Puddles, not just caused by women!  Now I know what you might be thinking. 

“Dr Tim! When are you going to discuss sexy lingerie?”

Just a moment.  Keep your pants on.  Well at least keep them on up to your knees…

There is something else I wanted to discuss about t-shirts.  They can hide many fascinating experiences.  Have you ever lifted up a woman’s t-shirt and found a strap-on underneath?  Never saw it coming did you?  Neither did I, but baby, what a ride!  (By the way, Doc Johnson sells all types of strap-ons, harnesses, dildos, lubricants, just everything you would need!  Buy some today!)

Another great thing about t-shirts is their flexibility!  Say you were on a picnic in the woods and your lady is feeling the need for anal sex.  You can twist and pull on that t-shirt while trying to stay on for 8 seconds and it will look JUST FINE when the two of you are finished!  We need more clothes like this!  Or after a sloppy blowjob or muff dive at home, that t-shirt can be thrown into the laundry without any fuss or muss.  T-shirts – The world’s perfect clothing item?

OK, sexy lingerie.  I knew a fine young lady in college with Colossal Boobage who would opine, “Dr Tim. (Actually I was just Mr Tim back then.)  I love the feel and how I look in my sexy lingerie, but I never get to wear it long when men are around.”  I wanted to test that theory.  She had a lot of it and I got a lot of it too!  I still smile when I think of her.  (When she invited me to her wedding, her soon-to-be husband uninvited me and reminded me that the ushers and groomsmen were his brothers and cousins.)

I always did have a way with women that other men hated.

Does all of this make Dr Tim anti-nudity?  Of course not.  I’m just saying that the clothes make the woman or man.  And hopefully we will get to make you too!

Just don’t get me started about shoes!

A Parent Moment (or What do you do at work all day Daddy?)

I had one of those rare parenting moments the other day.  If you have raised any children or are raising some now, you the type I mean.  A question that blindsides you, leaving you momentarily stunned.

My baby boy (Yes, he is 20 years old now, but he will always be my baby boy.) hit me with this gem,

“Dad, do you know anything about bondage?”

“I might know a thing or two about it.”

Hmm…  OK, in for a penny, in for a pound. 

“Why?”

“I’d really like to tie someone up and think I would be pretty good at it.”

Not what you would expect from someone who you swear you just taught how to ride a bicycle and throw a ball yesterday.  Well, rather than direct him to my blog (https://quantumcogitation.com/2012/06/08/bondage-time-or-excuse-me-but-im-a-bit-tied-up/), I decided to have a rather frank conversation with him about sex, STD’s, HIV, you know, all the bad stuff.

“Dad, I know all of that stuff.  And you know I don’t have a girlfriend right now.”

Fine.  Let’s talk fetish.  Which if you are a regular reader of my blog, you’d know I have a passing knowledge of the subject.  (All my love to Taylor St Claire and Debi Diamond!)

“Well you’re not going to tie me up!”

“DAD!”

“Glad that’s out-of-the-way. How much research have you done?  Seen anything on the internet you like?”

He wasn’t sure, so I introduced him to the subject of shibari, Japanese bondage.  We did a search together and I directed him to trusted links.  (That means I know the webmaster and am secure in the low virus risk.)

This is what he was needed.  My son is an accomplished artist currently specializing in manga.  Of course Doc Johnson has the new Black Rose line and some magnificent colored ropes for just such a purpose.  http://www.docjohnson.com/bondagerope-japanese-style-purple.html

As an artist, he loves purple and all of the designs he could create using rope patterns and the various colors/textures.

“Can you get me some of these?  Purple ropes and the purple silk?”

“Sure, but if you do not have a girlfriend, how are you going to use them?”

“I”ll just practice on myself.”

Shades of David Carradine!

So we a talk about safety, not tying yourself up to the point of no escape.  Frankly I do not need to come home and find my naked son tied up on the couch.  I might find it amusing later and fodder for endless jibes, but nothing I ever really need to see in my lifetime.

So if you doing self-bondage, always be sure you leave yourself a way to escape.  Just in case your Mother or UPS comes to the door.  I did have a friend who was quite fond of handcuffs.  He would freeze the key in a block of ice, then leave it in a pan where he could reach it when it thawed.  He used a pan because once the ice as it melted slid off the table and he had to be released by a friend.

Keep a cell phone within reach in case something like that happens.  Better embarrassed than tied up for a week with no food or bathroom!

So in the end, be frank, be honest, be careful and always buy bondage supplies from Doc Johnson.  (Remember?  They pay me!)

And while a bit discomforting, it is great to know that your kids can come to you with any issues they need to discuss.

Inappropriate! (Or, Did I Just Mention Sex Out Loud?)

So how is your summer going?

Did you take some time off, go to the Newberry Library Book Fair (July 26-29  just saying), or just sit around naked next to the air conditioner at home?

Well I have been quite busy.  Yes it is time for the Annual Summer ANME show!  http://www.anmefounders.com/  During the wicked heat of July, the Adult Novelty Manufacturer Expo will be taking place in beautiful downtown Burbank this weekend.  (Actually it is by the airport, but how often do I get the chance to say “Beautiful Downtown Burbank?”)

And boy oh boy are we going to be showing some wild stuff.  Of course I cannot tell you what it is because the show starts tonight.  And just like Christmas Eve, I must wait until it is approved for me to tell you about all of the wonders.  Maybe I will even get to post pictures!  (Like these: https://quantumcogitation.com/2012/01/16/trade-show-fever-or-part-one/)

Ron & Chad Braverman (Read about them in Los Angeles Magazine!)

But what an exciting weekend this will be!  I will be strolling around looking at all of the new and exciting products that will be unveiled.  Products designed to lift your sexual appetites and show you ways of pleasure that perhaps you have never imagined.  There will be something for everyone no matter your preference.

Fifty Shades of “Oh My!”

Life is pretty good.  But while we do our best to help you fulfill your fantasies, we often run into some risky situations.

You see, our job is to think about sex EVERY DAY.  We have to think about it, analyse it and look for ways to make it more enjoyable.  There are lots of different people out there in the world with a lot of different needs.  How can we help them?  And as such, sometimes we say inappropriate things at inappropriate times.  And it can cause a stir, an argument, a fight or even end relationships.

Mild Example: I was in class earlier this week.  Scientists need to stay up on new developments, so along with those classes I also study psychology, religion and particle physics.  Yes, I am an absolute gas at parties.  During this class, the professor asked us to brainstorm ways to relieve stress.  As he went around the room, he got the usual answers like exercise, meditation, read a book.  He got to me and I answered, “Masturbation.”  Valid, but it caused a minor ruckus because it is something that many of these older students were raised not to discuss.  They wondered aloud whether I was a sex addict or just a pervert.

You’d think I was the Devil himself when I explained that work in the sex industry and that sexual health and wellness was my particular field.  I do not argue or try to justify my job to people with closed minds any more.  And sadly, the woman with whom I had been doing quite well decided that we shouldn’t sit next to each other in class or hang out during break.

C’est la vie.

Sometimes you cannot separate your job life and your home life.  But you can try your best to keep it to yourself.  Yet a slip of the tongue is only a split second away.  (How many of you when I said “Slip of the tongue” started thinking about oral sex?  I thought so.  I’m a big fan myself.)  Life can be difficult when it revolves around sex during all of your waking hours.  Statements like “I’ve made a breakthrough in anal sex.” or “What do you think of this?  Would you use it on your pussy/cock/tits/ass?” or “How does this feel in your mouth?  Creamy?” taken out of context can be trouble.  And you just can’t use a slogan like, “Dr Tim, making butt-fucking easier for 30 years!”

I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. 

Check out this link: http://www.lamag.com/features/Story.aspx?ID=1715666  It is the story of Doc Johnson and how my boss and his family handle being in the industry.  It is a fascinating read.  I read it and I still like him!

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