Quick Nonsense

Boobies, boobies

What a wonderful treat.

But it’s really her pussy,

That I want to eat.


The “DUH” Files (or, Tax Dollars at Work)

Happy days!

Not the show of course, but I do believe I said “Heeey” while testing a new prostate product.  No, no you read that correctly.  I am Dr. Tim, not Dr. TMI…

However, today I thought I might update you on some amazing studies brought to you by some amazing minds and of course funded by someone else.

1) When It Comes to Sex Partners, Men Prefer Younger Women

Bet you didn’t see that one coming.  Funded by the Academy of Finland and published in the journal “Evolutionary and Human Behavior.”  So, they studied around 12,000 people and discovered the following: Women typically preferred men around their age or older.  Men in their 20’s liked older women but after the age of 30 tended to prefer women in their 20’s for the rest of their life.  That’s really something.  I bet no one could every have guessed that.  Of course the younger women are more fertile and some think we evolved that way so that the human race would endure.  I’ll buy that.   In the end, it looks like women have the important decision about mate selection.  Women win.  Men follow.  Sexual behavior is controlled by the woman’s age preference, not his.

So men, pick up a doll from Doc Johnson.  She will be whatever you want her to be.


2) Alcoholic Beverages Make Men Smile

WOW!  Who knew?  Published in the journal “Clinical Psychology Science.”  They looked at over 700 social drinkers in their 20’s.  When the groups of men get together for some drinking, they tend to smile a lot.  But when women are present, not so much.    In fact, the study points out that men do the majority of their socializing when drinking.  Smiling becomes contagious when men are drinking with men, makes more able to open up and socialize.  The heavier the drinker, the more susceptible he is to smiling.  With women around, they have to maintain their manliness and be the biggest, baddest man they can.  Did anyone have a clue about this phenomenon?

Guys, lighten up!  Take a ride with a prostate massage.  Now that will make you smile!



3) Too Much Drinking May Harm Your Sperm!

OK, we all knew that too much drinking will affect your ability to “rise” to the occasion, but who knew about your sperm quality?  Published in BMJ (British Medical Journal) and later in “Sexually Transmitted Infections” by a group of scientists from Stanford, University of Southern Denmark and The Heard Clinic and Houston Methodist Hospital.  Well, they aren’t really sure, but heavy drinking seems to be associated with lower sperm counts and lower sperm quality.  You know, the waders, not the swimmers.  Men having five drinks a week had lower sperm attributes.  It really got significant if the men had 25+ drinks a week.  (For the study, one drink was defined as a single beer, a glass of wine or a shot of hard liquor.)

Interesting to note, testosterone rose with heavy drinking.  Think about it, that makes sense.  The first study was done with about 1200 Danish men.  The second study (up next) used about 1300 American men.

4) Too Much Drinking Can Lead to Cancer

That study showed that higher alcohol consumption made men more susceptible to a higher risk of contracting HPV (human papillomavirus.)  HPV can lead to head/neck cancer and penile/anal cancers in men.  In this study, one drink was defined as containing 14 grams of alcohol.  (US National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism)

Men who had at least one drink a day were 13% more likely to have any HPV type and 35% more likely to have cancer-related HPV.  Get too drunk, screw around without wrapping that rascal and you, my friend, are engaging in very risky behavior.  Why risk it?  Stay home with the Doc and really heat up your nights!

5) Soda Has Lots of Sugar

Yeah, I know you knew that.  You know that a 20 ounce bottle of regular soda , sports drink or fruit juice contains 250 calories and sixteen tablespoons of sugar.  But do you really knows what that means?  They did a little study  at Johns Hopkins University Bloomberg School of Public Health.  They posted signs in low-income, predominately black neighborhoods in Baltimore.  The signs explained very simply, if you drink a 20 soda, it will take 50 minutes of running or five miles of walking to burn it off.

Sales of soda dropped about six percent and sales of water rose roughly 4 percent.  WIN!


By the way, have you heard of Candiland by Doc Johnson?  Sweet, sweet products for lovemaking with NO SUGAR ADDED!  That’s right, get your freak on and enjoy!  There wasn’t a mention of how much intimate play was needed to burn off calories.  Oh well, I guess you will just have to keep doing it until you are satisfied…



For the Holidays!

Yes, Good ‘Ol Dr Tim is in the holiday mood.

So before I get into the issues of Christmas Sex, let’s enjoy the season with a great video.


Watch now, thank me later.


Personal Reflection (or Life goes by so quickly…)

Sometimes we do not appreciate things until they are gone.

My good friend Jeff sent this picture to me the other day and I have been thinking about it for a while.

Arlene was hands-down the best waitress at The Lamplighter in Chatsworth, CA.  Jeff and I used have lunch there fairly often and while there were younger, prettier waitresses, we were very happy to be in Arlene’s section.

She remembered our drinks, our favorite lunches and if one of us showed up solo, asked where the other guy was that day.  Arlene had that kitchen humming.  Whenever Arlene had the day off, we knew our lunch would take 15-25 minutes longer to get delivered.  High-spirited does not even begin to describe her.  Quick with a joke or console you depending on your day.

We loved Arlene.  And she loved us.

I changed jobs a couple of years ago and haven’t been there since.  But I will always remember Arlene, who gave us the safe, nurturing feeling that gave us the courage to push on in business.

People that we would never suspect touch our lives in surprising ways.  G-d bless them and all of you.

Rest in peace Arlene, we miss you.

Bare Naked Bake Sale (or, helping people who help charity rocks!)

So I have this friend…

Really!  I do have a friend and she is one of the hardest working ladies I know.  Smart, funny, talented, married (damn), and dedicated to the cause.  We may not agree on everything, but we do agree on one thing.

People in this world need help.  And we want to help.  We would give the shirt off our backs to help.  So she did and the Bare Naked Bake Sale was born.

The website will be going live soon.  To read the back story, go here: http://barenakedbakesale.wordpress.com/

Sign up for updates here: http://bnakedb.kickofflabs.com/?s=1MZG

I believe.  I am a financial contributor and spirit coach.

I also did a short clip featuring their slogan; “I can change the world with the shirt off my back.”

If moobs offend you, do not click this link!  http://www.youtube.com/user/justinawalford#p/u/3/urf2LZsvOIk

You can follow Justina on Twitter (http://twitter.com/#!/JustinaWalford)

What are you doing to make the world a better place?

3 Minute Poem (or, Why Can’t He Just Stick to Science?)

Yes, here is another 3-minute poem from Dr Tim for the holiday.

Why do I call it a 3-minute poem?  Because I refuse to take longer than three minutes to write one.  Cuz you see, man, if you take the time to re-write and edit, it’s no longer real.  It doesn’t have that organic flow and awkward meter.  Ya dig?  Crazy.  Here we go…

Happy Birthday USA! (by Dr Tim 2011)


Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness

Is what they promised me

To live this lifetime free and bold

Was my opportunity

The world says that we’ve gone soft

And we have lost our way

I say America still shows her strength

Every Independence Day

G-d Bless America, Her hopes, Her goals

G-d Bless our Troops so true

When Evil struck, to destroy our dreams

We bled Red, White and Blue

We do not cower, we do not fear

Keeping peace is never fun

But I can guaran-damn-tee you that

Our colors will never run

Now I’m older, beaten on life’s anvil

And long for yester-year

Yet still if you insult my Land

You’ll get a boot right up your rear

Yet on cool, dark nights

Perched high in a tree

I think of things long gone

Let me tell you two or three

For baseball, I miss Willie Mays

For potato chips, please bring me Lay’s

For picnics were the greatest craze

For the holiday, let’s take off the next three days!


So cool cats, next time we’ll talk about SRS, Dilation and why you need a good lube around the house.  Later Daddio!

‘Fun With Doc’ Contest (or Sadly not what I thought…)

Attention all sexually uninhibited exhibitionists!  My Amazing Employer is doing one of those Contest thingies.  Check it out!

NORTH HOLLYWOOD, Calif.—Adult novelty manufacturer Doc Johnson announces the launch of its first-ever “Fun With Doc” user-generated video submission contest designed to place creative control in the hands of the novelty giant’s legions of fans.

Hosted at FunWithDoc.com, the competition calls for loyal customers, curious consumers or anyone with a camera to submit a video showcasing their Doc Johnson toys being used in a unique, fun, inventive, and YouTube-friendly way. One lucky Grand Prize winner will receive a brand new Apple iPad2 and two runner-ups will receive a Doc Johnson gift bag tailored to their male, female or couples-friendly preferences.

All that is needed to enter is a camera, a YouTube and Twitter account, and a favorite Doc Johnson toy. Entrants will need to shoot their video and upload it to YouTube, follow Doc Johnson (@TheOriginalDoc) on Twitter, and send a tweet that mentions @TheOriginalDoc, which includes their YouTube video link. All submitted videos that follow these guidelines will be available to view and at www.funwithdoc.com.

“Just as we do with our products, we consistently look to innovate in terms of engaging our fan base,” said Chad Braverman, Doc Johnson’s director of product development and licensing. “Our goal with this contest is to provide consumers a platform to display their creativity, showcase the personality of Doc Johnson as playful and inventive, and promote the brand in an entirely original way. Through the tremendous success of our YouTube channel and other prior social media campaigns, we’ve seen firsthand that there’s a real benefit for companies to interact with the consumer through the development of organic, user-generated content. We can’t wait to see what pops up during this contest.”

The winners will be chosen based upon the number of YouTube views they receive. After the allotted time, the Top 10 videos with the most YouTube views will be selected as the Finalists. A panel of judges made up of Doc Johnson representatives will judge the entries in categories including: originality, creativity, humor and effective representation of the Doc Johnson brand. For a list of official rules and regulations, visit FunWithDoc.com.

Me again: Remember, YouTube friendly.  But if you have to shoot porn, please send it to: DrTim@quantumcogitation.com

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