02 Sep 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, cosmetics, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Physiology, Psychology, Science, sexuality
Tags: cosmetics, emotion, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, men, Psychology, Science, sex, sexuality, women
Happy Friday Everyone!
I read an interesting paper (Gueguen, N. Jacob, C., Enhanced female attractiveness with use of cosmetics and male tipping behavior in restaurants, J. Cosmet. Sci., 62, 283-290) today that talks about how the use of makeup seems to increase the tips a waitress can collect.
Apparently they did a study that concludes that female waitresses that wear makeup vs. those that do not wear makeup tend to collect larger tips from male customers.
Can you say, “DUH!” I knew that you could.
But let’s take a quick look at the ramifications of the study. According to the study, this was conducted in a laboratory setting. That will upset some people since they believe that if it isn’t happening in the “real” world, that it doesn’t count. Well folks, guess what? Conducting a laboratory trail is the very first step in a field of study. Scientists that tend to rush right out into the public with an idea are usually labeled extremist or insane and often get a punch in the nose.
Next, the waitresses were instructed to act the same way whether wearing makeup or not. Again, any study that uses real people has a wild variable in it. Think of yourself or any woman you know. Do they act the same with or without makeup? Not too many that I know. So there is going to be some give and take on this facet.
During the series of experiments, the same waitress made more money when she wore makeup as opposed to the less she made when she didn’t. The only difference was the use of makeup. The service, food and actions were the same. What does that tell you?
Bottom line: Men tend to give more money to women that they find more desirable. Or attractive.
It may be sexist or it may be in our genes to provide for the most desirable mate. I can’t wait for further studies to be published.
And you thought we only stared at your boobs…
25 Aug 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Vibrators
Tags: anal sex, Blowjob, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Transexual, vibrator, women
Hot enough for you?
Hey! If you are going to throw things, either make them soft or made out of ice cream!
Back in the Midwest, when I was just a Baby Chemist, we had a saying in August. Now keep in mind in those days Dr Tim was a young, strong, wiry lad with fire in his soul and mischief in his eyes. I was working for the County in the Secondary Road Department. Yes, I’m the guy that held the stick on the survey crew. It was an afternoon when we were in the Shop to pick up some supplies when I first heard it.
“It’s too hot to fuck!”
Now that is really saying something! “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk.” “It’s hotter than Hell.” “So hot my shadow was looking for shade.” “That’ll melt your ice cream.” Statements that we hear, but don’t make much of an impact on us. But when a man or woman says, “It’s too hot to fuck.” Well! Can you seriously name anything that would prevent you from fucking if fucking was available? Me either.
Now it is belief on mine that Humans are nocturnal by nature. We were only forced to live in the sunlit world by the advent of the agricultural age. People aren’t supposed to be out in the sun! Sleep by day, hunt by night. That’s living! I thrive on moonlight and the sun is not my friend. And don’t even get me started on vampires! Cold lifeless sadness drinking blood to feel alive but for a night? Awful! Now werewolves, they have an abundance of life energy. Living in the moment, intimate with nature and in bed? WHEW! That’s life up at the sharp end.
Back to the heat. So if it is too hot to fuck, what are you going to do? Perform 68 with your partner? (68 – you blow me and I’ll owe you one.) Watch “Scrubs” reruns and masturbate to fantasies of Dr Kelso? Almost! You can have a slow, easy wanking session using your Official Doc Johnson toys! WHOO-HOO!!! You know you love it.
But if you need to be reminded, go here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/ or here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/
Seriously, Two hot sweaty bodies really screw up the bed. Especially if there is a power outage or your air conditioning doesn’t work. Grab the sofa, your Sasha Grey Love Spit Lube (seriously, it is awesome!) and your Doc Johnson dildos, vibrator, stroker or strap-ons. Lay back under the fan and tease yourself slowly. Think about something that really turns you on and let your hands wander.
Need a long, slow deep-dicking? Lube up that dildo, fasten that strap-on to a cushion or pillow and ride or slide at your sexiest pace. Men, do the same with your stroker. Use lots of lube, it feels cool and wet. Add the vibrator that will tickle your private places without doubling the sweat on the sheets. Ever sit on an ice pack while masturbating? Try it! You may just love it! You know, glass dildos can be kept in the freezer for just such an emergency as well.
Or, for my fans that are hardcore, slip a few ice cubes or a popsicle in your back door. Not only will it intensify your orgasm, but you will have the coldest experience since that one time with the snow bunnies outside the lodge at Big Bear during January! But careful, this technique is not for rookies. Hardcore only please. Beginners should work their way up to this by fucking over an open freezer or over a 50 # bag of ice wrapped in a towel. Ever do it in a wading pool full of ice water? It is GOOD, trust me.
So it’s August, it’s hot and your partner is a sweaty slob. Don’t let that stop you from having the orgasms you deserve! Use a little creativity and don’t forget to take the Doc along for the ride. Remember: If it’s as good as Cock, it must be from the Doc! If rubber pussy makes you want some, call on old Doc Johnson.
Didn’t quite rhyme, but you get the jism gist of it. Besides, where are you going to get a sex toy blog that has human evolution, werewolves, vampires and ice up the ass?
From Dr Tim, that’s who!
15 Jul 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, chemicals, cosmetics, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams
Tags: anal sex, ANME, Blowjob, clitoris, cosmetics, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Premature Ejaculation, Psychology, sex, Sex toy trade show, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, vibrator, women
Well, maybe I am. Seems there were a couple shows presenting “Implements/Accessories of Personal Sexual Empowerment Strategically Designed for Human (Singular or Multiple) Ascent towards La Petite Mort.” (Sex toys to get y’all off! On your own or with friends.)
Of course, I will be covering the ANME show. That stands for the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo. And since Doc Johnson is one of the Founding Five, we had a ginormous booth! Yes, there are four others, but hey, this is about us.
Oh the glamour! Oh the toys! Oh the lubes! And even some most excellent eye candy was on display for everyone to enjoy. Many of my readers have not heard of this show because it is not open to the public. It is, as they say, B2B or Business to Business. Folks who sell to folks who sell to folks who sell to folks who use the products. Manufacturer to Distributor to Stores to You! Sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. Just the American Dream in action promoting Freedom of Speech, the Right to Our Own Bodies and money.
Our theme was the “School Of Doc.” We had a classroom where one could touch, feel and learn all about our very cool products. We even had video in the background!
Don't Be Late For Class!
Oh Yeah! We had candy in class. Bet you never had that before, did you? (Culinary and confectionary schools don’t count…) And guess what? We had a faculty there to show, teach and learn with you!
Nerdy but Dirty Faculty of SOD!
They may have been walking around with clipboards, but those rulers were never far away! Looks like I am going to stay after class again today. DANG! (One great thing about teachers is that they make you do it over and over until you get it right.)
But it wasn’t all fun and games. There were many serious meetings that took place. Sharks circling each other, looking for weakness, waiting to pounce and close the deal. It was tough, make no mistake!
Advanced Business Strategy in Process
The great part however, was renewing old friendships, remembering why you didn’t particularly like someone, seeing what was new and maybe getting a behind closed-door demo of some of the products. Which, I must add (lawyers insist) that those games are not business related, just friendly slap and tickle between friends. Those days of bedroom business are long gone. Yep, everything is uber-professional now. Business is business. And playtime is playtime. (They don’t call me Tim-Bone for nothing, you know.)
People just could not keep their hands off our toys.
Free-Balling!
Although that picture reminds me of my ex-wife and her female lawyer…
Needless to say, there were sights to see, things to do and people to meet. I had a very productive day meeting with some clients discussing new opportunities so that I can get my boss that new Testarossa. I’m selfless like that. Ask around.
And since I’ve learned how to add pictures to my posts. (Promise to learn how to use fewer later.) There are some other folks that should be recognised.
More Sales People:
More of the Sales Staff!
The Director of Product Development! (Everything is his fault…)
I'm not sleeping! Just listening!
And of course, the Big Boss!
He is The MAN!
So everyone will be seeing some really great new toys and lubes coming their way this fall. I’d say 99% of them will be coming from us, Doc Johnson. But then you might say I am a wee bit prejudiced.
OK, due to the news, I postponed the talk about SRS, Filet O’Penis and lubes until next week. Guys can be such fraidy-cats about some things. Me? I’m going home and making lasagna!
Note to readers in Southern California. Stock up on your Doc Johnson toys and lubes. It is going to be a long weekend, so stay home and enjoy yourself!
24 Jun 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, sex toys, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams
Tags: anal sex, Androgeny, Asexual, Blowjob, Brains, dildo, emotion, fellatio, fetish, Intersexed, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Transexuals, TS Wendy Williams, vibrator
Warning: Know right now that we are talking about a controversial subject using frank, adult language. If you are under 18, leave now. Come back when you are older. There may also be pictures…
Quick, how many different genders are there?
If you said two, you have not been keeping up with the world. Let me take you, if I may, on a journey…
While we were all taught as youngsters that there were men and there were women the differentiation is not quite as concrete as previously thought. Gender orientation is as fluid as sine waves.
Men on the Left, Women on the Right
On the top figure, the apex of each curve represents pure male or pure female. As you can see, there are many different points on the scale and each one represents a different gender possibility. In between, we have everything from A to Z. Now it is important to differentiate between Gender Orientation and Sexual Orientation. How you see yourself as a person is intertwined but separate from how you see your sexuality. If it wasn’t, men would only want women and women would only want men. But we know that is not the case. Homosexuality and Bisexuality are well documented in humans as well as the animal kingdom. However, humans have the ability to identify their gender. Sometimes it is not as easy as you might guess.
Intersexed – These folks may have atypical sexual organs, creating a person who is not truly male or female.
Transgender – These folks live their lives as the opposite gender.
Transsexuals – These folks are transitioning from one gender to another.
Androgyny – These folks are gender neutral like Pat from Saturday Night Live. (Created by Julia Sweeny)
It's Pat!
Let’s talk Tranny! They are the mainstay of the porn industry and are a niche growing by leaps and bounds. What makes a person transsexual?
Good question! I have been studying some papers published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research.
“The microstructure of white matter in male to female transsexuals before cross-sex hormonal treatment. A DTI study.” (Journal of Psychiatric Research, doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.11.007)
“White matter microstructure in female to male transsexuals before cross-sex hormonal treatment. A diffusion tensor imaging study” (Journal of Psychiatric Research, doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.05.006)
Basically, they (Antonio Guillamon’s team at the National University of Distance Education in Madrid, Spain) think they have found a way to identify transgenders before puberty with a brain scan. In their study, about 38% of the transgenders studied knew they were different by the age of five. This scan has shown significant differences in the white matter of the brain when comparing transgenders to non-transgenders.
The layout of the white matter development in Female to male transsexuals matches that of the male brain. And the while the white matter development in male to female transsexuals does not exactly mirror that of the female brain, it is much more female than male. Seems reasonable! And that the white matter in your brain may not mature for 20-30 years, so a late-blooming transsexual is not surprising.
And I have this fascinating document (Progress in Brain Research, Vol. 186, doi: 10.1016/B978-0-444-53630-3.00004-X) called “Sexual differentiation of the human brain in relation to gender identity and sexual orientation. It claims that sexual identity and gender identity are set in our brains before birth. The sexual differentiation of the genitals takes place in the first two months of pregnancy but the sexual differentiation of the brain takes place in the latter half of the pregnancy. Therefore the genitals and brain do not always match. It goes on to note that social environment after birth has any effect on gender or sexual orientation.
Reread this entry: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/08/sexual-orientation-part-i/
Now to fun stuff! As you know, Wendy Williams is one of our favorite trannys at Doc Johnson. We are releasing toys and sprays just for her. She has graciously allowed me to use the photos she took.
Wendy Williams Salad Tossing Spray!
Look at her lick! If you like salad tossing but not the all-day funk of underwear, try a few shots of Wendy’s Salad Tossing Spray! It will give your loved one a shiny tasty ass. Now get your tongue in there!
By the way, that ass she is licking is hers. Yes, you too can have Wendy William’s ass in your bed every night. Here, check out the comparison:
Sweet enough to eat!
Nice and tight!
Maybe her ass is too tight? If you are a big guy like me, you may have to warm her up with licking and stretching. Try out Wendy’s Anal Training Kit.
On Sale Now!
Wendy is not just a beautiful woman, she uses the products too. Especially when she is preparing for a BIG movie.
And that's the large one too!
Doc Johnson is very sex-friendly. We may not have sex the way you do, but we have everything you need to get it on and get it off. Give us a try! And as Dr Tim always say, unless he doesn’t, I don’t judge. I just want to hold the camcorder!
Follow: Wendy Williams on Twitter – @TSWendyWilliams; Doc Johnson – @The OriginalDoc
27 May 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams
Tags: anal sex, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, fetish, Lesbian, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, Susan Block, Transexual, vibrator, Wendy Williams, women
Where does the time go? It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated. But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return. Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!
So let’s talk about the Ladies. Wait a minute! Women don’t masturbate. They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions. Bullspit! Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young. Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you. Really! Would a Woman lie?
So how do women masturbate? There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively. After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!” Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.
Let’s see a show of hands now. How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?
Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed. Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor. Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy. Shameful. That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible! (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond. Miss you!)
So what can Doc Johnson do for you?
Glad you asked. You may have heard of Dr Susan Block. She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos. You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/ Do check out her websites and her live shows. She is adorable! I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time. Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.
She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.
One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!
This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it! Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO! These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry. In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so. Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels. Too soon old, too late smart. (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/
But that’s not all! For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:
Intense!
Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal. Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ. And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention. I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands. Works wonders on my, um shoulders! Yeah on my shoulders. (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too. Not that low! Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)
Am I moving too fast for you? Let’s slow things down a bit. How about we get in the mood? Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage. Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan? Relax. Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body. Lose a layer of clothes. All you have on is your lingerie. Feels nice. Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too. Beautiful. Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts. So smooth and sensual. Move to your tummy. You are in great shape. You must drive the men crazy all day. If only they could see you now. So smooth on the legs. Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin. Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips. You know what’s coming…
Spread it on and feel the bliss.
Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on. (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM) Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter. The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up. How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator? (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…
Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.
Or just maybe, well he has been hinting. Is it time to explore? Oh yes!
Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.
Just tease yourself. You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down. So close, but wait, catch your breath. You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel. Mount that dildo. Ride it just the way you like it. lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt. Maybe a pinch or a slap. Breathe deeply. gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide. Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind. Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling. That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep. To sleep, perchance to dream. Aye, there’s the rub!
And rub you did. Well done! Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly. drtim@quantumcogitation.com
So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices? Not to worry. You have plenty of options. Remember the washing machine, the vacuum? One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride. (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.) And even a door knob works well. You do not need a toy to masturbate. It is important to make some special time to yourself. Orgasms release endorphins. They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world. And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild! Cum early and often.
Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either. I have one. You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.
Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed. And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes. I love my job!
18 May 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Plastic, Safe Sex, Safety, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons
Tags: anal sex, clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, dildo, emotion, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, gay, Male Sexuality, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, vibrator, women
Hi folks! This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson. Below is the unedited version.
Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!
When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills. Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience. Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace. However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements. As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples. Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible. This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition. If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.
By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots. Watch that caffeine intake people. And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible information. While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research. Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new favorite http://scholar.google.com. Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too! Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.
But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure. There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.
Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience. Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office. It was thick, gooey and cold! The field has advanced quite a bit since then. Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors. There are different types of lubricants as well.
Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater. They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.
Water-based lubricants can be fun. You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle! Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring. And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best. There is a great variety out there with something for everyone. Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.
Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available. Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!
There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.
The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer. The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray. These are applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation. So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure. In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.
Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body. These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants. Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play. In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.
While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs. And that is priceless.
06 May 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons
Tags: anal sex, balls, dildo, fetish, jerking off, masturbation, men, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Premature Ejaculation, prostate, Psychology, scrotum, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on, vibrator, weasel whipping, women
Happy National Masturbation Month.
You aren’t a wanker, you are involved in a world-wide celebration! (Back to the title, I am not jerking you around. Do your own jerking! My hands are full.)
This week, we will look into the wonderful world of male masturbation. You know, jerking off, choking the chicken, dating Rosie Palm and her five Daughters, whipping the weasel (my favorite euphemism), pocket pool, spanking the monkey, drubbing, whatever you call it the result is the same. Endorphins, feeling great, taking a nap and more sticky, dirty laundry. Gotta love those cashmere sweat socks.
So how do we do it? Now that I think about it, how don’t we do it?
You can stroke yourself using your dominant hand, or use your other hand which makes your cock feel bigger, or you can sit on your hand until it goes numb before you use it. That one is called “The Stranger.” Which is great if you are short on time or in a hurry. Which is fine. Masturbation relieves stress, eases the mind, it gets your body’s hormones running normally and it can help you relax or even fall asleep. Masturbation is a very important part of our lives. But as with intercourse, we like to dress it up and play a little.
As you may recall, I am employed by the mighty Doc Johnson! You have seen their toys everywhere and if you made it to the credits in a porn movie most of the time you will see a line “Toys Courtesy of Doc Johnson.” And we have everything you need for your self-love exploration! We have lubricants, pocket pussies, vibrators, cock rings, prostate massagers and more! (For more about cock rings see: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/29/cock-rings-or-heavy-metal-for-your-junk/)
What’s that? You’re a guy and don’t need a vibrator? Maybe you don’t, but would it hurt to try? Here’s the thing. Vibrations can help you loosen up and relax. But it can also stir your libido and create a “Dance in Your Pants!” There are a couple of ways you can do this.
First, take a vibrating bullet, turn it on and tuck it between your butt cheeks right against your anus. Sit or lie down and enjoy. Feel the non-threatening vibration? Feels good. Stress is draining right out of your body. Your eyes half close when the thought of Eva Mendez topless crosses your mind. Now you are becoming erect and the buzz is feeding your erection. Reach down and begin to stroke. Oh yeah! Nothing beats an orgasm while your prostate is being massaged. You probably haven’t shot that far since you college.
Now if you are more adventurous, try a direct prostate massager.
Totally Awesome!
You will need some good lube. Use lots.
Water-based but feels like silicone!
Now gently slide it into place. As you stroke your cock you will feel it rub against your prostate. You haven’t been that hard since when? You will think that your teeth will be sucked through your body at orgasm. There is even a vibrating version of the prostate massager too! What are you waiting for? Go get some!
And some guys like the feeling of a regular vibrator or dildo sliding in and out of their asshole. You could get a strap-on dildo and harness for your pillow! Different stokes for different folks. More power to them! (Remember this one: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/08/29/strap-it-on/)
Beside vibrators, there are other great things to help us paint the ceiling. Ever heard of a Pocket Pussy? These are great little handheld strokers that can be shaped like a pussy, asshole or mouth. Fantastic! Some are even molded from some of your favorite porn stars like Vicky Vette, Sasha Grey or Belladonna.
Not only is she a hot fuck, she is a beautiful person inside.
Get your lube. I know that some of you guys are still using Vaseline or Baby Lotion. Get with the program! If your partner comes over for a quickie, do they want baby lotion inside? What is they are allergic to the fragrance. Be a man. Buy some lube. Slide into the stroker and well, stroke! But be careful you will probably shoot out of the other end through the cleaning hole, so have tissue, towels or a willing mouth handy.
Now as you may have guessed, Dr Tim has experiment with these things. Oh how he has experimented! For a tighter grip, I like to put the pocket pussy between my mattress and box springs. That way, I can turn the pages of the magazine, use the remote to fast forward through the awkward talking bits of the video or spank those pillows! Yeah, take it bed! Take it all! Every last inch Baby! Although I admit spanking the pillows does not have quite the same satisfying sound…
So, we’ve covered the cock, prostate and ass. I’d like to take a few moments to talk about your balls.
Your balls need love too. Some guys like to have them gripped, pulled, tugged, twisted or vibrated. Yes, we can help. You could take one of those super stretchy cock rings and put your scrotum through it. It will be snug, but the super stretchy ones allow blood flow so your crown jewels are relatively safe. Have you ever cum when your balls can’t retract? Your eyes will bug out! And you can take one of those super stretchy vibrating cock rings and put it on so that the vibrator is behind your balls! Now you have the grip and the vibration. Does a scrotum good!
Of course you can get really fancy by attaching a short leash from the ring around your balls to the clamps on your nipples to keep you from straightening up as a fucking machine strokes your prostate, the motion driving your cock into the stroker under your mattress while being blindfolded wearing a pair of panties. Not sure how that snuck into my head, but it could happen!
But take care of your balls!
Will have the women lining up to be tea-bagged!
Buy some Nice Nuggets. It is a light lotion that turns to powder. It will keep your boys dry and comfortable all day long whether you are a horse jockey or a desk jockey. Smells manly too. So give the boys a coat. Feel around, enjoy your balls! Avoid the crotch pot cooking and maybe your partner will be too busy using your junk for you to masturbate.
Next week: Female Masturbation: Truth or Fiction?
29 Apr 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Safe Sex, Safety, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons
Tags: anal sex, clit, cock rings, Couples sex talk, fellatio, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, female stimulation, fetish, Male Sexuality, orgasm, Personal Lubricants, Premature Ejaculation, Psychology, sex, sex toys, sexuality, strap-on
Cock rings. Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing. (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)
What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?
A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region. You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out. So what’s the point?
It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer. Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction. You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up. If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.
Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package. It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian. You should see the way the veins pop up. Textured for her pleasure indeed.
But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal. They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten. But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.
1. Make sure you get a proper fit. If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit. Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them. But metal cock rings are not for beginners. Grab your junk and a tape measure. Not the one from your toolbox! The cloth one from her sewing kit. (Or yours, I don’t judge. Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…) If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis. You know, where she grabs you to get your attention. Make it snug, but not tight. Take that measurement and divide by 3.14. This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.
HA! Made you do geometry! You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference. And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size. Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water. STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!
So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through. Told you to do it soft, didn’t I? Get ready to Unchain Your Beast! (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)
2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what? Time to get hard. It will feel rather strange at first. Like someone has a tight grip on you. Relax, it’s all good. Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine. You are a stallion, baby! Don’t ever forget it!
However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes. It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage. And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation! Now that would suck. So pay attention.
3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation. Go to the doctor! And take the ring with you.
Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily. Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection. These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist. Metal cock rings are not for beginners.
4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes. Don’t risk your life for a fuck. Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!
5. Be careful with your partner. Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth. Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring. They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing. Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes. Trust me.
What else can a cock ring do for you? Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing. Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint. You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson. We have something for everybody!
Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings. They really bring an extra dimension into your love life. Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons! (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!) Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.
As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…
08 Apr 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Physiology, Psychology, sexuality
Tags: emotion, Female Sexuality, fetish, gay, Heterosexuality, Homosexuality, Lesbian, Male Sexuality, Psychology, sex, sexuality, Transgender, women
People are who they are.
You are who you are.
Get over it.
Much more to come in Part II…
01 Apr 2011
by Mystertim
in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Physiology, Psychology, sexuality
Tags: clit, clitoris, Couples sex talk, female sex organs, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, men, orgasm, Penis, Psychology, sex, sexuality, women
Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart. Priapism.
So what is Priapism? Why is that a bad thing?
Priapism is when the penis or clitoris remains erect for four or more hours with no physical or psychological stimulation. This is not a good thing. Believe it or not, priapism can lead to permanent erectile dysfunction, meaning that if it is not treated quickly, the damage caused may prevent you from ever attaining a natural erection again!
There are two types: High flow and low flow. High flow is rather uncommon and involves a ruptured artery which caused the blood to flow into your penis. It is like a garden hose where the pressure never relents. Low flow is when the blood flows into the penis, but cannot get back out.
Causes: Drug use both prescription and illegal, blood disease like sickle-cell anemia, blood clots, injury to the area, even poisonous venom from a scorpion or black widow spider.
Treatments: Ice packs, pharmaceuticals and inserting a needle to remove the blood. That does not sound like any fun at all!
So really, if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, get to the Emergency Room! Do not risk it. Cases of pripism with women are possible, but most uncommon. This is basically a guy thing.
However, there is a major difference between priapism and being a Marathon Sled Dog like Dr Tim!
I am not bragging (OK, I am) but my record sack time was ten and a half hours. Sure stopping for lunch and a shower made it more like ten hours, but I’m keeping the half.
It is not uncommon for men to be able to last an eternity in the sack, but it is also not always welcome. If I had a nickel for every time a woman asked me, “Through yet?” I would easily have a dollar and a half today. Guys, she may want you to last longer, but not all night! She’s got other stuff to do besides you. Saying that “We are going to do it all night long!” is a much different reality than actually doing it all night long. There is chafing, body odors, stiff necks and all sorts of things that are not pretty.
Some of you are going to want to know how to last that long. Here are a couple of secrets. Masturbate. A lot. You will get so used to your hand with kung-fu grip that the clench of a normal vagina or rectum will not give you the stimulation you need to orgasm. Not sure how that could be fun. Another includes body modification, so I think I will not explain it. Although this may have something to do with my personal longevity. Which is a pretty interesting story. We should discuss it someday during the afterglow.
Some guys can do it psychologically. Train yourself not to orgasm because orgasm equals babies. Still wear a condom though, pre-cum has sperm in it too. Then when you get close, back off, give her some face until the feeling passes. If I deny the first orgasm, I can go just shy of forever. But make sure that your partner is a willing participant or it may end badly for you. I had a woman break up with me because she claimed I was faking orgasm. This woman would cry if she could not get me to cum quickly, so I started faking it. Funny thing is, the time she accused me of faking it, I hadn’t. So make sure to keep it real.
Now some of us are just not meant to be marathon men. Don’t worry about it. Dr Tim has an answer for you. Use some of Doc Johnson’s Prolong Male Genital Desensitizer. Just a dab under the head and you will increase your sack time. And who knows? Maybe after a while you won’t need it any more.
So how long is too long?
If you dick doesn’t go down after four hours and you haven’t been playing – run to the doctor.
If you are a marathon sled dog – it’s over when she says it’s over. Make sure she is happy and just maybe she will stick around to finish you off.
Now MUSH!
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