To Completion… (or Spitters are Quitters!)

16 Jun 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Psychology, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Most of my readers out there are a wee bit younger than me.  But back in the old days before the interwebs, we had swinger magazines.  Basically people would send in ads where they advertised what they wanted sexually.  Then others would buy the magazine, read the ads, circle the ones that made them masturbate, write a reply letter, seal it in an envelope with the ad number on it, put that in another envelope addressed to the swinger magazine, mail it and wait for a reply and hopefully a nude picture.  WHEW!  It could take three to four weeks to make a hook-up.  That’s a  lot of mental foreplay right there.

But we aren’t talking about swinger magazines today.  However, there was a phrase used in many of those ads that will lead us to today’s topic.  That phrase was “French to Completion.”

“French” is what we used as a polite euphemism for oral sex.  And “To Completion” meant performing oral sex all the way to orgasm.  Not just a quick suck here or half-hearted lick there, but an honest-to-goodness, all-out, no holds barred blowjob from start to gooey finish and beyond.  Back in the 70’s, I never met a girl who didn’t swallow.  I mean, it was proper etiquette!  (Side note: As randy young adults, someone ordering french dressing for their salad would send the table into uncontrollable snorts and giggles.)

Swallow what?

You know what I am talking about here.  We are talking about semen, sperm, cum, jizz, protein shake, man chowder, baby batter, ball butter, pearl jam, nut nectar…

Today I hear the question, “Swallow, spit or dodge?”  And I believe that all cocksuckers have the right to make that choice.  After all, if someone is willing to suck your cock until you are ready to explode, well, cherish them!  Marry them if you can legally!  As a man with multiple ex-wives The Good Doctor can tell you that a lot of arguments would never happen if there was more cocksucking happening.  Free tip for my next wife: I can put up with doilies, pink bathrooms, frilly sheets, new curtains and a whole lot of crap if you are blowing me frequently.

So one might wonder why all women (or men that are so inclined) do not always swallow our load.  There are many reasons.

They don’t like the taste.  We can fix that!  There are flavored bj potions that make the cock sweeter.  We will drink pineapple juice every day, quit smoking and eat healthier if you promise to blow us.  (Cinnamon is good too!)  And please note, there are no taste buds in the back of your throat…

The texture is weird.  Have you ever eaten flan, sushi or jello in milk?  Now you are being a bit silly.

What is it anyway?  Now there is a valid question!  What is in that pearly, life-giving nectar?

I am going to keep this simple here so all you MD’s who write to me keep a lid on it.  Semen has basically two components: sperm and seminal fluid.  Each time you cum, you ejaculate 200 to 500 million sperm which only constitutes a couple percent of your load.  It is mostly seminal fluid which provides food, energy and protection for the sperm cells.  The vaginal canal is an extremely hostile environment for sperm.  So sperm needs to be protected by its super juice.  The seminal fluid has so many things in it for so many reasons that I will only hit the high points.  It has amino acids, hormones, proteins, zinc, enzymes, lipids, sugars and so much more!  And every component is important to achieve the sperm’s ultimate goal of impregnation.

Cum is fattening!  Sorry, but no it isn’t.  Now the amount of calories will depend on the man’s diet, his age, how recently he orgasmed and a few other factors.  However, a teaspoon sized serving of semen contains roughly 5-7 calories.  That’s right!  You can swallow it all day and not gain weight.  You would have to swallow over 115 teaspoons of cum to equal the calories of one Big Mac (576) or sixteen teaspoons to equal one serving of Dannon Light & Fit non-fat Blueberry yogurt (80).

Let’s pull up the psychological armchairs now.  Based on my personal experience, I would rather that my tantric engineer either swallows or dodges.  Swallowing is my preference because in my mind, I am my cum.  And swallowing it means you accept me and appreciate me.  Dodging is cool because I love to see my cum dripping from erect nipples or filling a belly button.  (But Not In My Hair!)  That also indicates acceptance.  You may not want to swallow me, but you will wear me.  That is very heart-warming.

But to spit?  That is total rejection.  It means that you only accept me grudgingly and that you do not appreciate anything that I give you.  Sounds strange, but spitting out my cum is very offensive to me.  Now if you have an allergic reaction to semen and it does exist, I would always be wearing a condom and you should have no objection to my cumming while you suck.  After all, it is safely contained.

And maybe that is the best answer for anyone in a new relationship or have a partner that just does not want to deal with our ejaculate.  Because if you are willing to fellate us early and often, we will do everything in our power to make the experience as good for you as we possibly can.  (Lick our balls too, ok?)  Because we want you to keep fellating us!  Really, we do!

After all, nothing says love more than “To Completion.”

‘Fun With Doc’ Contest (or Sadly not what I thought…)

03 Jun 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, Strap-ons, Uncategorized, Vibrators Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Attention all sexually uninhibited exhibitionists!  My Amazing Employer is doing one of those Contest thingies.  Check it out!

NORTH HOLLYWOOD, Calif.—Adult novelty manufacturer Doc Johnson announces the launch of its first-ever “Fun With Doc” user-generated video submission contest designed to place creative control in the hands of the novelty giant’s legions of fans.

Hosted at FunWithDoc.com, the competition calls for loyal customers, curious consumers or anyone with a camera to submit a video showcasing their Doc Johnson toys being used in a unique, fun, inventive, and YouTube-friendly way. One lucky Grand Prize winner will receive a brand new Apple iPad2 and two runner-ups will receive a Doc Johnson gift bag tailored to their male, female or couples-friendly preferences.

All that is needed to enter is a camera, a YouTube and Twitter account, and a favorite Doc Johnson toy. Entrants will need to shoot their video and upload it to YouTube, follow Doc Johnson (@TheOriginalDoc) on Twitter, and send a tweet that mentions @TheOriginalDoc, which includes their YouTube video link. All submitted videos that follow these guidelines will be available to view and at www.funwithdoc.com.

“Just as we do with our products, we consistently look to innovate in terms of engaging our fan base,” said Chad Braverman, Doc Johnson’s director of product development and licensing. “Our goal with this contest is to provide consumers a platform to display their creativity, showcase the personality of Doc Johnson as playful and inventive, and promote the brand in an entirely original way. Through the tremendous success of our YouTube channel and other prior social media campaigns, we’ve seen firsthand that there’s a real benefit for companies to interact with the consumer through the development of organic, user-generated content. We can’t wait to see what pops up during this contest.”

The winners will be chosen based upon the number of YouTube views they receive. After the allotted time, the Top 10 videos with the most YouTube views will be selected as the Finalists. A panel of judges made up of Doc Johnson representatives will judge the entries in categories including: originality, creativity, humor and effective representation of the Doc Johnson brand. For a list of official rules and regulations, visit FunWithDoc.com.

Me again: Remember, YouTube friendly.  But if you have to shoot porn, please send it to: DrTim@quantumcogitation.com

Airing the Orchid (or Women are Wankers Too!)

27 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Dr Susan Block, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons, Transexual, Vibrators, Wendy Williams Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Where does the time go?  It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated.  But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return.  Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!

So let’s talk about the Ladies.  Wait a minute!  Women don’t masturbate.  They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions.   Bullspit!  Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young.  Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you.  Really!  Would a Woman lie?

So how do women masturbate?  There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively.  After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!”  Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.

Let’s see a show of hands now.  How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?

Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed.  Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor.  Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy.  Shameful.  That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible!  (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond.  Miss you!)

So what can Doc Johnson do for you?

Glad you asked.  You may have heard of Dr Susan Block.  She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos.  You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/  Do check out her websites and her live shows.  She is adorable!  I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time.  Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.

She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.

One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!

This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it!  Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO!  These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry.  In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so.  Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels.  Too soon old, too late smart.  (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/

But that’s not all!  For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:

Intense!

Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal.  Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ.  And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention.  I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Works wonders on my, um shoulders!  Yeah on my shoulders.  (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too.  Not that low!  Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)

Am I moving too fast for you?  Let’s slow things down a bit.  How about we get in the mood?  Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage.  Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan?  Relax.  Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body.  Lose a layer of clothes.  All you have on is your lingerie.  Feels nice.  Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too.  Beautiful.  Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts.  So smooth and sensual.  Move to your tummy.  You are in great shape.  You must drive the men crazy all day.  If only they could see you now.  So smooth on the legs.  Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin.  Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips.  You know what’s coming…

Spread it on and feel the bliss.

Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on.  (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM)  Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter.  The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up.  How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator?  (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…

Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.

Or just maybe, well he has been hinting.  Is it time to explore?  Oh yes!

Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.

Just tease yourself.  You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down.  So close, but wait, catch your breath.  You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel.  Mount that dildo.  Ride it just the way you like it.  lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt.  Maybe a pinch or a slap.  Breathe deeply.  gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide.  Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind.  Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling.  That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.  To sleep, perchance to dream.  Aye, there’s the rub!

And rub you did.  Well done!  Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly.  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices?  Not to worry.  You have plenty of options.  Remember the washing machine, the vacuum?  One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride.  (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.)  And even a door knob works well.  You do not need a toy to masturbate.  It is important to make some special time to yourself.  Orgasms release endorphins.  They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world.  And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild!  Cum early and often.

Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either.  I have one.  You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.

Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed.  And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes.  I love my job!

Sexual Enhancements (Or Ways to Get Your Freak On!)

18 May 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, chemicals, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Plastic, Safe Sex, Safety, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hi folks!  This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson.  Below is the unedited version.

Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!

When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills.  Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience.  Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace.  However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements.  As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples.  Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible.  This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition.   If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.

By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots.  Watch that caffeine intake people.  And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible  information.  While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research.  Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new  favorite http://scholar.google.com.  Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too!  Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.

But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure.  There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.

Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience.  Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office.  It was thick, gooey and cold!  The field has advanced quite a bit since then.  Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors.  There are different types of lubricants as well.

Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater.  They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.

Water-based lubricants can be fun.  You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle!  Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring.  And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best.  There is a great variety out there with something for everyone.  Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.

Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available.  Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!

There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.

The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer.  The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray.  These are  applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation.  So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure.  In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.

Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body.  These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants.  Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play.  In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.

While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs.  And that is priceless.

Cock Rings (or Heavy Metal for Your Junk)

29 Apr 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Regulatory, Safe Sex, Safety, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Cock rings.  Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing.  (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)

What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?

A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region.  You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out.  So what’s the point?

It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer.  Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction.  You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up.  If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.

Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package.  It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian.  You should see the way the veins pop up.  Textured for her pleasure indeed.

But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal.  They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten.  But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.

1. Make sure you get a proper fit.  If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit.  Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them.  But metal cock rings are not for beginners.  Grab your junk and a tape measure.  Not the one from your toolbox!  The cloth one from her sewing kit.  (Or yours, I don’t judge.  Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…)  If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis.  You know, where she grabs you to get your attention.  Make it snug, but not tight.  Take that measurement and divide by 3.14.  This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.

HA!  Made you do geometry!  You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference.  And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size.  Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water.  STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!

So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through.  Told you to do it soft, didn’t I?  Get ready to Unchain Your Beast!  (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)

2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what?  Time to get hard.  It will feel rather strange at first.  Like someone has a tight grip on you.  Relax, it’s all good.  Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine.  You are a stallion, baby!  Don’t ever forget it!

However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes.  It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage.  And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation!  Now that would suck.  So pay attention.

3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation.  Go to the doctor!  And take the ring with you.

Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily.  Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection.  These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist.  Metal cock rings are not for beginners.

4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes.  Don’t risk your life for a fuck.  Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!

5. Be careful with your partner.  Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth.  Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring.  They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing.  Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes.  Trust me.

What else can a cock ring do for you?  Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing.  Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint.  You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson.  We have something for everybody!

Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings.  They really bring an extra dimension into your love life.  Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons!  (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!)  Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.

As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…

Erotic Spitting (or How Is It Raining in the Bedroom?)

15 Apr 2011 3 Comments

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Fetish, Male Sexuality, Oral Sex, Personal Lubricants, Psychology, sex toys, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today I was having lunch with a beautiful, dusky-complexioned woman who was telling me about her weekend.  Let me tell you, this woman was HOT!  Think of Salma Hayek in Frida.  HOT!  And she was telling me about stretching naked in the sun before settling in the jacuzzi with her morning mimosa.  I love this woman.

Then she told of an encounter she had recently where her male friend kept spitting on her.  Interesting concept.  I asked if he was doing it for added lubrication (as I scolded her for not having her Official Doc Johnson Personal Lubricants handy!)  And she said it wasn’t for lubrication.  He was taking mouthfuls of water and spraying it over her chest.  I mentioned that I would love to spray something over her chest, and she touched my hand while doing the woman’s “You Aren’t Getting Any” laugh saying, “Oh Tim…”

But she touched my hand so I still have a shot.  (I’m a Guy. We always believe we have a shot at any one we desire.  Men are just like that.)

So spitting.  Interesting concept.  Let’s take a look at it.

Now spitting, in a BDSM context makes sense to me.  There are quite a few people into giving and taking erotic humiliation.  They get off on having someone tell them that they are pitiful excuses for human beings and how crawling should be their preferred mode of transport.  And there are those that get turned on by doing that to people.  Divorce lawyers for example.  It is meant to be demeaning and dehumanizing during a scene.  “You dirty little worm.  Take that”  *spit* *slap*  “Now clean it up!”  Very reminiscent of Golden Showers.  (Another topic for another day.)

Not for everyone.  But it clearly delineates the line between the Top and Bottom.  Female to male or Male to female doesn’t really matter.  However, they weren’t doing a BDSM scene.  This was your normal end of the bed, flat on her back, Feet in the air while he stood and played for par.  So why would he be spitting on her?

My first thought is that he watches too much porn.  Not that there is such a thing as too much porn, but if you are watching it on your cell phone in church, you may want to address the issue.  It is very common in porn today to see a lot of spitting.  She is performing a blowjob, pulls back, spits on his dingledorfer and then starts sucking again.  Or he does that while licking her bajingo.  Could be lube.  Or they could just be showing how hot and bothered they are and how committed they are to getting their freak on.

Or, as a very sexy blonde with major boobage suggested, perhaps it was an attempt at sensation play.  She could envision being very worked up, burning with desire and seeing an arch of liquid jet out to splash coldly on her nipples.  Yep, she had my undivided attention right then…  How about doing some snow-fucking and spraying hot cocoa over your partner.  The whole idea is opposite sensations to increase pleasure.  I will be spending more time with this Lady.  There may be a thing or two that she can teach Ol’ Dr Tim.

Besides, after a really great sexual encounter, aren’t you covered with all kinds of body fluids everywhere?  So what’s a little spit?  Some folks will never like it, some will just go with the moment but others will get a thrill and go back for more.

Be good.  Be safe.  No spitting, spanking or humiliating unless you are both/all are into it.

Party on!

Priapism (or: How Long is Too Long?)

01 Apr 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Physiology, Psychology, sexuality Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Today’s topic is near and dear to my heart.  Priapism.

So what is Priapism?  Why is that a bad thing?

Priapism is when the penis or clitoris remains erect for four or more hours with no physical or psychological stimulation.  This is not a good thing.  Believe it or not, priapism can lead to permanent erectile dysfunction, meaning that if it is not treated quickly, the damage caused may prevent you from ever attaining a natural erection again!

There are two types: High flow and low flow.  High flow is rather uncommon and involves a ruptured artery which caused the blood to flow into your penis.  It is like a garden hose where the pressure never relents.  Low flow is when the blood flows into the penis, but cannot get back out.

Causes:  Drug use both prescription and illegal, blood disease like sickle-cell anemia, blood clots, injury to the area, even poisonous venom from a scorpion or black widow spider.

Treatments:  Ice packs, pharmaceuticals and inserting a needle to remove the blood.  That does not sound like any fun at all!

So really, if you have an erection that lasts over four hours, get to the Emergency Room!  Do not risk it.  Cases of pripism with women are possible, but most uncommon.  This is basically a guy thing.

However, there is a major difference between priapism and being a Marathon Sled Dog like Dr Tim!

I am not bragging (OK, I am) but my record sack time was ten and a half hours.  Sure stopping for lunch and a shower made it more like ten hours, but I’m keeping the half.

It is not uncommon for men to be able to last an eternity in the sack, but it is also not always welcome.  If I had a nickel for every time a woman asked me, “Through yet?” I would easily have a dollar and a half today.  Guys, she may want you to last longer, but not all night!  She’s got other stuff to do besides you.  Saying that “We are going to do it all night long!” is a much different reality than actually doing it all night long.  There is chafing, body odors, stiff necks and all sorts of things that are not pretty.

Some of you are going to want to know how to last that long.  Here are a couple of secrets.  Masturbate.  A lot.  You will get so used to your hand with kung-fu grip that the clench of a normal vagina or rectum will not give you the stimulation you need to orgasm.  Not sure how that could be fun.  Another includes body modification, so I think I will not explain it.  Although this may have something to do with my personal longevity.  Which is a pretty interesting story.  We should discuss it someday during the afterglow.

Some guys can do it psychologically.  Train yourself not to orgasm because orgasm equals babies.  Still wear a condom though, pre-cum has sperm in it too.  Then when you get close, back off, give her some face until the feeling passes.  If I deny the first orgasm, I can go just shy of forever.  But make sure that your partner is a willing participant or it may end badly for you.  I had a woman break up with me because she claimed I was faking orgasm.  This woman would cry if she could not get me to cum quickly, so I started faking it.  Funny thing is, the time she accused me of faking it, I hadn’t.  So make sure to keep it real.

Now some of us are just not meant to be marathon men.  Don’t worry about it.  Dr Tim has an answer for you.  Use some of Doc Johnson’s Prolong Male Genital Desensitizer.  Just a dab under the head and you will increase your sack time.  And who knows?  Maybe after a while you won’t need it any more.

So how long is too long?

If you dick doesn’t go down after four hours and you haven’t been playing – run to the doctor.

If you are a marathon sled dog – it’s over when she says it’s over.  Make sure she is happy and just maybe she will stick around to finish you off.

Now MUSH!

Vibrator Addiction (R-R-R-R-R-Really?)

25 Mar 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Psychology, Safe Sex, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Vibrator Addiction.  Next on DrTim.  Stay tuned!

The question has been raised.  What are the pros and cons of using a vibrator and can you become addicted?

From bumblebees in a hollow piece of wood to today’s finest metal, plastic and motors, vibrators are a big, big seller.  There are many articles on the history of vibrators. You should look them up.  I’ll wait…

Now that you are either completely knowledgable or thoroughly confused, let’s take a look at the vibrator.  Why does it exist?  Isn’t a dildo or strap-on good enough?

While vibrators have been around for a long, long time, most people believe that they were invented to cure hysteria in women.  Yep.  Only women suffer from hysteria and the only cure is a good orgasm.  Except, back then, hysteria was an excitable condition and women didn’t have orgasms.  Well, the good ones didn’t.  And after all, who isn’t calmer after a good cum?

We’ve come a long way baby!  So, in my warped little mind, here is why they really invented the vibrator.  It has nothing to do with the failure of many men to help their partner achieve orgasm. (Well, maybe a little. See my post about the Amazing Clitoris. ( https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/)

My belief is that it was either a well-intended lover who created it for their Lady or the Lonely Lady herself.  Dildos have existed much longer than vibrators.  Since the Dawn of Man, we have been looking for things to stick into our orifices.  Us and the bonobos.  We like it.  It feels good.  And we are all really sex-oriented creatures who if we could, would just eat, sleep and fuck like every other animal on the planet.  Blogging?  Who would have the time?

Back to the vibrator.  Dildos are great.  They are sweet, smooth rides that don’t pinch us or pull our hair during the act of masturbation.  However, they don’t move the same way.  I want to believe that the vibrator was invented as an attempt to replicate the heartbeat and quiver of your human lover.  We do not just insert and lie there. Well, the good ones don’t.  But just by being alive we transmit a hum, a frequency, a throbbing to let you know we are there and experiencing emotion.  A dildo is like a Honey Badger.  The Honey Badger don’t care!

But a vibrator!  Ah!  That hums, it vibrates, it has a throb that lets you know it is there and means to take care of business!  It can send your nerve endings into overdrive. Which brings us to Vibrator Addiction…

Does it exist?  I don’t know.  If you research and study long enough, you may find just as many arguments for vibrator addiction as against it.  As for me, I don’t happen to believe in many “ailments” of the modern human.  We seem to be, as a species, intent on discovering conditions in an attempt to cure whatever behavior we do not like in ourselves.  Why?  To make money and let the World know that it is Not Our Fault.

So why use a vibrator?

It is quick, clean, teases us just the right way and it doesn’t snore.  Seriously, vibrators massage our muscles to relieve the tension.  And a little clitoral stimulation is a good thing.  Some folks like to have a vibrator inserted deeply and feel the throb.  It’s all good.  You should buy one.  Or two.  Or twenty!  (Just make sure to look for Doc Johnson on the label!  If it’s from the Doc, it is as good as cock! TM)  Be sure to buy lube too!  I’ll tell you why:

Everything is better with a bit o’lube on it!  If you vibrate dry, penetration is difficult, and you may over-stimulate the nerve endings in your clitoris.  If you over-stimulate, the nerve endings will shut down and you might think that you broke your clit.  You didn’t.  You just gave it an owie.  Take some time to relax.  If you already had an orgasm, slip into a warm tub and soak.  And keep you fingers off it for a while.  It is the same with men.  If they jerk off without lube, the penis becomes a bit numb, delayed ejaculation, chafing and bleeding.  If this is the case.  Just stop touching it!

The lube will keep things slick and moving.  Can you become addicted to masturbation?  Um, I think we all are addicted to masturbation.  It feels good and releases endorphins.

Can you become addicted to vibrators.  Well, sure.  People can become addicted to anything if the set their minds to it.  (We like to use the word Fetish instead of addiction for fun things.)  I wouldn’t recommend using one every time though.  Mix it up, get a human partner, enjoy all of the sensations that life can give you.  However, if you can no longer orgasm without mechanical help or by masturbation, maybe you should talk to someone.  After all, humans were built as social creatures for there is strength in numbers.  But if you are happier that way, who am I to talk?  Be happy.  Sex is whatever you want it to be and as long as you are not damaging anyone physically, emotionally or mentally, have at it.

To sum up:

Pros: Fun, easy, endorphins, easy to hide, easy to clean, won’t hog the covers

Cons: Too much can numb the nerves, can’t hug you after a bad day, never cooks

So like I said, buy sixty or seventy and try them all.  But in my humble opinion, vibrators are the most fun if you use them together.

(Don’t be such a stranger!  Write to me!)

Why Use Lube? (Or Caution, Slippery When Wet!)

11 Mar 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Personal Lubricants, Physiology, Preservatives, Psychology, Safe Sex, Science, sex toys, sexuality, Strap-ons Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Why on earth would anyone use a personal lubricant?  Don’t you know that “If it ain’t Spit, it ain’t Love?”

(Plug: Watch for Sasha’s Love Spit Lubricant from that amazing manufacturer Doc Johnson!)

So, other than paying Dr Tim’s salary, why would anyone use a personal lubricant?  And why are there different kinds?  What’s the dealio?

First off, paying my salary to keep me off the street is a fine and noble reason.  Imagine the trouble I would get into if I didn’t have a place to go during the day.  Now imagine the trouble I get into playing in my laboratory every day.  Now try not to imagine me “testing” all of my lubes and potions.  Yep.  Keep me off the street.  Society will thank you later.

But there are serious and fun reasons to use a personal lubricant as well.

To begin, some women have trouble lubricating naturally.  This could be from a physical or psychological problem.  If you are one of these women, there is no shame in visiting your physician to rectify the situation.  Life is rough with all that stress of daily living, the demands of children and significant others, working in this economy and the joys of menopause can really dry you up.  You are the main reason that personal lubricants were invented.  Everyone should have a fair chance to enjoy sex.  And without lubrication, sex is a rough road to travel.

Technically, personal lubricants were invented so that the doctor could use a speculum or other device in his office without requiring the ladies to become excited enough to self-lubricate.  Dang decent of them.  Now if only they wouldn’t keep those darn tools in the freezer before using them on us!  In fact, one of my favorite lubricant ingredients was designed for pre-lubricated enema tips.  The tips were lubed up and set in an oven, uncovered for over four months.  And they were usable afterwards!  Although I would hate to have been the one upon which they tested them.

And there are lots of fun reasons to use personal lubricants too!  They work great with dildos, vibrators, strap-ons and can be flavored so that your partner doesn’t only have good taste, they taste good too.  And since we are talking about fun uses, let’s talk briefly about the back door.

YES!  Dr Tim Talks Anal Sex Again!  (https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/05/ and https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/04/30/interesting-question-caution-naughtiness-ahead/)

The anus and anal canal is favorite place to play for many folks.  However, while the anal canal is technically a mucosal membrane it does not self-lubricate the way a healthy vagina does.  You need lube.  Especially for those strap-ons!  Word is, that if you use a warming lube, it will overload their senses hopefully sending them orgasmically out of control.  Be careful, you have been warned.

So why are there so many different types of personal lubricants?  Why are there so many types of shoes?  Different lubricants for different needs and tastes.  Let’s do a brief overview:

Oil-based Lubes:  Some people use baby oil, Crisco or massage oils for lubricant.  Nothing wrong with that.  But remember, oils will rapidly degrade latex, you know, condoms.  Weakened condoms equal broken condoms.  Broken condoms can equal pregnancy or disease.  Pregnancy or disease lead to more complicated lives.  Keep your head in the game people!  Oh yes, these can stain your linens and lingerie.

And Heaven Forbid if you ruin their latex clothing with oil.  That stuff is expensive!  Oil works, its inexpensive and probably everyone has one form or another in their home.  I do not want to know what happened to the olive oil in my kitchen when my son came to stay with me for a while.  (I know.)

Water-based Lubes: Everyone is probably familiar with KY Jelly, one of the best-know personal lubricants on the market.  Not everyone loves it, but hey, the trend had to start somewhere.  So, water-based lubes contain lots of water, a couple of slippery ingredients and preservatives.  Just about any product that is mostly water needs preservatives.  Now some people don’t like certain preservatives and some people don’t care.  You may notice that some of the global companies use preservatives that are out of vogue, but have worked safely for fifty years or more.  Really, this is up to you.  Read my posts about parabens if you like.  (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/09/08/how-bout-them-parabens/, https://quantumcogitation.com/2009/11/19/parabens-part-ii/, https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/01/17/parabens-part-iii-more-info-still/)

There can also be nice things like flavor, aloe vera, chamomile extract and other fine skin care items.  Folks love these, but they can have a tendency to dry out (water, remember?) and have to be re-applied since your man is a marathon sled dog!  (Go get ’em stud!  You are a Stallion!)  Personal preference, you love them or hate them.  They tend to wash out easily.

Silicone Lubes: Now these bad boys are made from silicone and are different from the others.  Long-lasting, can work underwater and for my money, give the best ride.  Try Doc Johnson’s new iLube!    Drawbacks?  Well not all silicone is created equal and some are definitely better than others.  They could possibly stain your linens depending on the fabric and silicone is not inexpensive.  This is probably the most expensive type of lubricant.

Condom-Compatible?  Well, oil isn’t.  But water-based and silicone can be condom compatible.  But here is the catch: To claim that a lubricant is condom-compatible, it must be a registered medical device and have gone through rather extensive testing including the condom tests.  This takes time and a fair chunk of money.  If you aren’t sure if the company is telling you the truth, call their information number and ask for their 510 (k) number.  It is public information.  Or you can search for the company on the FDA website for medical devices.  But that can get complicated.  You techies out there shouldn’t have a problem though.

To make a long story short, (TOO LATE!) try out some different kinds of lubricants and see which one your prefer.  I prefer that you try all of Doc Johnson’s lubricants first!  Please!  Keep me off public access television!

As always: Write to me!  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

Blizzard Watch – Los Angeles! (Or How I survived the winter!)

28 Feb 2011 Leave a comment

by Mystertim in Anatomy, Couples Sexuality, Dildos, Doc Johnson, Female, Female Sexuality, Male Sexuality, Oral Sex, Psychology, sexuality, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

That’s right!  Blizzard in Los Angeles.  We filled up our gas tanks, we laid in plenty of wood for the fire and stockpiled groceries to the ceiling.  Deep down in our DNA we remember the arctic cold and foraging for scraps in our ancestors’ ancestors’ youth.

And what did we get?  Well, at my house we had about four minutes of hail (pea-sized) and if you squinted very, very hard a few flakes of precious snow.

But we Californians are a hardy bunch, bred from pioneer stock.  By Sunday we regrouped and pulled of the Biggest Award Show of the Year!  (Kirk Douglas is the man!)

Now we know what you folks on the East Coast went through this year.  Brothers in Ice.(TM)  In fact, twitter and facebook were filled with pictures of our single layer accumulation of frozen precipitation.  We were so excited that we resembled crazed weasels on stilts.  What a rush!

What’s that you say?  We are more Brady Bunch than Hardy Bunch?  I’ll have you know that my electric blanket was dialed to “3”!  And it did plummet to 29 degrees F too.  So how did I keep warm?  Hence this brief missive.

A reader asked me the names of my favorite adult performers.  Some you may know, some you may not.  But they were all very instrumental to my psychosexual development.  Just try not to read too much into that…

So, in no particular order, may I present:

Angel (don’t know her last name, but her skin was so alabaster that I thought she was albino!), Janie Robbins, Viper, Marilyn Chambers, Seka, Sulka, Jack Wrangler, Kelli Richards, Taylor St Claire, Vanessa del Rio, Heather Hunter, Christy Canyon, Gianna Michaels, Vaniity, Vanessa Blue, Olivia O’Lovely, Paul Thomas, Sascha (looked like Burt Reynolds), Gia Darling, Debi Diamond, Asa Akira and too many more to name them all.  There are some performers who I only remember how they looked.  Couldn’t get much information from the 8mm loops back in the day.  Especially on the truly kinky films where everyone was masked or hidden.  I’d love to know who those folks were so that I could thank them someday.  Anyone else remember when hardcore sex, SM, GS, etc were all in one film?

And thinking about them, recalling my favorite scenes and actually watching a few kept me more than warm!  These folks truly seemed to enjoy themselves during their scenes and enthusiasm really makes the movie for me.  I even had the pleasure to work with a few of them and enjoyed every minute!  You see, the adult performers who don’t really enjoy the work, the ones who never smile or laugh during their scenes, unless it is some hardcore SM but then those in charge should be having fun too, I tend to forget.  The ones who make me smile and laugh really percolate my hormones.  Love what you do!  Oral, anal, kink, BD/SM, straight, gay, bi, trans – live it and love it!  And if you use toys or lubes – be sure to bring your Official Doc Johnson goods to the party!

Today’s Lesson:  Adult performers are human, just like us.  Some are grateful, some are not.  Some are a joy to work with/hang out with and some you never want to see again.  Some love their job, others are just in it for a paycheck.

I love my job.  How are you doing today?

As always, send questions, notes, paypal transfers to: drtim@quantumcogitation.com  And if you are an adult performer who wants to be on my list for some reason, show me how you love your job.

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries