3 Minute Poem (or, Why Can’t He Just Stick to Science?)

Yes, here is another 3-minute poem from Dr Tim for the holiday.

Why do I call it a 3-minute poem?  Because I refuse to take longer than three minutes to write one.  Cuz you see, man, if you take the time to re-write and edit, it’s no longer real.  It doesn’t have that organic flow and awkward meter.  Ya dig?  Crazy.  Here we go…

Happy Birthday USA! (by Dr Tim 2011)

 

Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness

Is what they promised me

To live this lifetime free and bold

Was my opportunity

The world says that we’ve gone soft

And we have lost our way

I say America still shows her strength

Every Independence Day

G-d Bless America, Her hopes, Her goals

G-d Bless our Troops so true

When Evil struck, to destroy our dreams

We bled Red, White and Blue

We do not cower, we do not fear

Keeping peace is never fun

But I can guaran-damn-tee you that

Our colors will never run

Now I’m older, beaten on life’s anvil

And long for yester-year

Yet still if you insult my Land

You’ll get a boot right up your rear

Yet on cool, dark nights

Perched high in a tree

I think of things long gone

Let me tell you two or three

For baseball, I miss Willie Mays

For potato chips, please bring me Lay’s

For picnics were the greatest craze

For the holiday, let’s take off the next three days!

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

So cool cats, next time we’ll talk about SRS, Dilation and why you need a good lube around the house.  Later Daddio!

Stand for Japan

 

You know its the right thing to do.  Get on it.

(Click on the Picture…)

Valentine’s Day (or Get your Heart-On!)

Seriously, how could I not do a special Valentine’s Day Post?  All the other bloggers are doing it!  (And if they all jumped off a bridge, well I would double-check my bungee cord!)

Sex.  Valentine’s Day is all about sex.  No, no!  Do not even try to deny it.  You come across with the goods and they just plain cum.

Chocolates for sex or sex for diamonds it is all the same.  (G-d bless the chocolates ladies!  The Boss pays me well, but not that well!)

So let’s talk about chocolate!  Eating chocolate can simulate those warm, gooey feelings of being in love.  How?  Well, chocolate has many different chemicals in it that can really help.  For example:  The chemicals in chocolate affect levels of the body’s mood-affecting chemicals, which include serotonin, endorphins, theobromine and phenylethylamine. Serotonin is a chemical messenger in the brain that affects emotions, behavior, and thought. Endorphines are chemicals in the brain that are responsible for positive moods. Theobromine is stimulant found in cocoa which gives chocolate mood elevating effects. Phenylethylamine is a naturally occurring neuroamine which has been shown to relieve depression, increase attention and promote energy. Your body releases phenylethylamine in response to romance.

WHEW!  Science on a holiday.  I am truly a madman.  Chocolate, dark chocolate especially, contains many essential vitamins and minerals for your body’s health.    Oh, and it appears that the antioxidants in dark chocolate can increase you “good” HDL cholesterol levels.  Try to keep it to two ounces a day though.

I know, everything to excess, moderation is for monks.  But monks tend to live quite a while and you wouldn’t want to miss out on the adventure would you?

Now some of you folks out there are wondering, is it OK to indulge in anal sex or breast copulation (Tit-fucking) on Valentine’s Day?  Sure it is!  After all, what other body parts are heart-shaped?  Turn that tushie upside down and there is a beautiful heat for you to penetrate with your Cupid’s arrow.  And when you cup her breasts, ta-daaa!  Another heart shape.  Just meant to be written on with your own special ink.  Just be sure to lend a warm washcloth or whatever help she desires to clean up.

So bring home the chocolates, the flowers, the panties, the jewelry and most importantly the Doc Johnson lubricants and toys.  (Remember? I work there.)  Show your Significant Other how much you love, how much you think and how much you desire to hold them, tease them and please them.  And just maybe, if you are sincere, you will get an extra helping of good loving in return.

Hopefully, today isn’t the only day you are scheduled to have sex.  My love knows no time or date.  Heck it doesn’t even own a calendar!  But if this is the one day when the two of you can let down your defences and joyfully give yourselves to each other, do not let any one spoil your day.  For today is all about Love, which coincidentally is the story about my life. 

My life is about Love.  What’s yours?

Happy New Year! (And it looks great!)

Here we are again.  Another year older and deeper in debt.  But, most of us are still working, are relatively healthy and get enough to eat.  Yay us!

I get comments from folks that my job must be a non-stop thrill-ride.  That I must have more fun on a Monday morning than most people do all weekend.  And they are mostly correct.  However, there is also great sacrifice and dedication that goes into my work.  Do you think I would give anyone a product to try that I haven’t used myself?

No, I wouldn’t.  And I wouldn’t expect anyone to try anything that hasn’t been tested on myself or one of my lab slaves.

Let me tell you about sacrifice.

There are a couple of major trade shows going on this week and weekend.  There will be toys, lubes, dvds, major porn performers and more!  But do you think these things just happen?  Heck to the NO!

I spent my New Year’s Eve weekend testing new products with a most wonderfully open-minded group of like individuals.  (Some of whom you have seen in films…)  There were women, men, trans, midgets, all colors, shapes and sizes, you name it, they were there.  We started Friday afternoon and continued on to Sunday Lunchtime.  And let me tell you, there was no toy, lube, position, combination or video left undone.  Nothing was left unprobed.  Some products passed with flying colors.  Some went to the recycle bin.  Most were used up and worn out.  Just like us.

The lubes had to reduce the friction co-efficient adequately to facilitate multiple rounds of penetration of varying depths and rates of acceleration.  Which means they had to be slippery as all get out, fast or slow and last long enough for everyone to be happy.  There were all types of products to lube, eat and drink for every occasion.  (Most of which are still Top Secret so I can’t tell you much yet!)

The Good Old Doc himself went into sensory overload more than once.  And I am pretty experienced so that should tell you something.  It was probably Monday afternoon before the buzzing in my ears stopped.  Oh the toys!  The colors, the colors!  Oh the humanity!  Thank goodness they finally untied me.

But we did it.  For you.  Because we care.  Your pleasure is our business and we aim to please.

So next time you think we have some of the best jobs in the world, think again.

We do…

Medical Play (An MRI? Really?)

How many of you are into medical play?

Yes, I have played a doctor behind the woodshed and have used the phrase “Hellooo Nurse!” on way too many occasions.  But how about the use of sounds, Wartenburg wheels, TENS units, performed the Num-Num test and the like.  A good pair of stirrups goes a long way.

Check this out: http://bcove.me/qhiroajk

Yes, someone did a study of what coitus looks like in an MRI machine.  It is amazing.  Blew my mind.  The actual clip was assembled from all the pictures taken during the procedure and is in the last-minute of the clip.  Check it out.  I will never get those images out of my mind.

And let me know if you want to discuss the medical fetish.  No need for an appointment.  The Doctor will see you now.

Lubricant Study

Anyone else read this today?

http://www.biologynews.net/archives/2010/05/25/use_of_lubricants_with_anal_sex_could_increase_risk_of_hiv.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+biologynews%2Fheadlines+(Biology+News+Net)

http://www.xbiz.com/news/121017

As you might have guessed, I have a few comments.

1) Lubricants cannot prevent the transmission of HIV or STDs. Not yet. And when they do, they will be presciption-available only. I know that there are a few existing studies that show that carrageenan MAY inhibit the HIV virus, but anybody marketing on that claim faces substantial wrath from the FDA when caught.

2) Yes, if people are going to engage in unprotected anal sex, it would be nice if lubricants do not facilitate the virus. This is another reason the FDA wants all personal lubricants to become registered medical devices. So that they can have more control. Should they have it?

3) Medical device registration and testing is very thorough. It is safety based and until now, no one had considered whether lubes could be preventative.* The FDA requires so much testing of toxicity that this study surprises me. I mean the FDA even requires that lubricants are injected into the bloodstream of mice as a safety test related to rectal claims.

4) Lubes don’t cause infection. Unprotected sex with unsafe partners causes infection.

* Actually, I have been reading about companies working on lubricants that would actually prevent the transmission of HIV for years. How I wish I had that R&D budget!

So how much protection do we as a society owe people who are hard of thinking? Do we pass more and more laws until every chemical, food or activity is illegal?

Where does personal responsibility come in to the picture? If someone engages in unprotected anal sex with multiple partners, do they deserve to die? I don’t think so.

Should you have to get a prescription from your doctor for personal lubricants and tell that person it is for anal sex? Doctors can tell if you have even been anally receptive, so would that be a big deal for you?

Should all products of every kind be pulled off the market until such a time that they are deemed safe by scientific study? And will people believe it? The fact that every scientific organization around the world has cleared phthalates for use in toys has not stopped the emotional banning of the substances. People want science to help them, but then refuse to believe its findings because some reporter or blogger thinks they know more than hundreds of scientists.

Personal lubricants are a necessity of life. We need them. But trusting your lubricant to protect you from your poor choice is like trusting your car to protect you while driving drunk.

Please think and act responsibly. I do not want to lose any more of you.

Parabens – Part II

Sparing you any pithy comments, here is an article from Cosmeticsdesign.com which can be found here:

http://www.cosmeticsdesign.com/Formulation-Science/New-data-on-parabens-suggests-no-adverse-hormonal-effect-on-the-body/

New data on parabens suggests no adverse hormonal effect on the body
By Katie Bird, 18-Nov-2009
Related topics: Formulation & Science

The industry awaits the judgement on parabens following the release of further data on skin absorption and the distribution of the chemicals in the body.

Florian Schellauf from industry trade body Colipa presented the findings from a recent study on rats at a conference organised by the Scandinavian Society of Cosmetic Chemists (SCANCOS) in Sweden.

The study was performed at the request of the Scientific Committee on Consumer Safety (SCCS) (formerly the SCCP) for more data on the longer parabens, propyl- and butylparaben, following research that claimed the commonly used preservatives may affect the reproductive and hormonal systems of the body.

According to the study data presented at the SCANCOS conference, in rats, parabens are well absorbed after oral administration but only partially absorbed after dermal exposure.

In addition, the data suggests that the compounds are fully metabolised before they enter the blood stream.

Blood plasma tests highlighted only the presence of a paraben metabolite PHBA (p-hydroxybenzoic acid) and no concentrations of the parabens themselves, regardless of which paraben was used and how it was applied (oral, dermal or subcutaneous).

According to Schellauf, PHBA is not known to have any estrogenic effects and is found widely in plants and human food, so trace exposure in the human organism poses no health risk.

“The study confirms the results of a number of research studies, which concluded from their work that parabens are metabolised rapidly and to a large extent in living organisms and therefore cannot exhibit any adverse effects,” said industry trade body Colipa.

The study will be submitted shortly to the SCCS, which will have to come to a decision on whether this new data means the acceptance of methyl-, ethyl, propyl- and butyl-parabens as preservatives in cosmetics products, should remain unaltered.

According to Maria Lodén founder of Sweden-based consulting firm Eviderm and a member of SCANCOS, a decision from the SCCS can’t come soon enough.

Anti-paraben stance

A number of consumer groups, environmental organisations and some industry members have taken an anti-paraben stance which may not be based on respectable scientific evidence, she said.

For example, the Nordic Swan, an environmental label well known in Denmark and Sweden has said products aiming to gain its label cannot contain parabens. Following the release of this new data and the SCCS’s forthcoming opinion, Lodén believes the Swan label should change their criteria and allow the compounds.

“My interpretation of the current data is that, in addition to methyl- and ethylparaben, also propyl- and butylparaben will represent the safest option for preserving cosmetics in the future,” she said.

“The society anxiously await the final SCCS report on the issue to reduce dissemination of misleading information on parabens,” Lodén added.

Me again –

WOW! It looks like scientists may not have been lying to you!  Of course I blame the Media…

Eat it? I just want to lick it!

Here is a question I hear fairly often, “Hey Dr Tim!  Is that edible?”

Quick answer, “Does it have Nutrition or Supplement Facts?  If not, no!”

So what about flavored lubricants, gels or lotions?  If they have flavors, they must be edible!

Yes, we make these!

Yes, we make these!

No, not really.  But here is the thing.  Have you ever heard of incidental ingestion?  Let me explain, if you have ever used for example, lipstick or lip balm, you have accidentally eaten some of it.  If you have ever kissed someone wearing lipstick, lip balm or lip gloss, you have consumed some.  Who hasn’t kissed someone and licked their lips afterwards, especially if they are using that yummy new acai berry/pomegranate lip gloss (now with kiwi!)?

Kiss me now!

Kiss me now!

That is incidental ingestion.  With flavored lubes, haven’t you ever pounded it hard and long, then given it a quick kiss of gratitude afterwards?  Well, would you rather take away the slight taste of strawberry or the industrial taste of a high-functioning, chemical tasting lube?  Thought so.  me too.  Strawberries are just so much tastier than motor oil.

So why don’t flavored lubes have nutritional facts?  You are not supposed to eat them!  If we wanted you to put the anal jelly on your toast, we would have that cool box with the information about calories, trans fat, etc, etc on a label sans naked people with a grocery store friendly name.  The same goes for lotions, creams and such.  Remember Jessica Simpson?  Her line of “edible” cosmetic products were actually called “kissable” after the Regulatory Department got through with it.

Desert Beauty

And what about those throat numbing mints?  Well, those don’t have nutritional facts because they are drugs!  They need the drug facts box on the label.  Yeah, it gets complicated.  But if you want to play with the Government, you really do have to play by their rules.  (Unless you are a real gambler.  But when you get caught, you will wish you hadn’t!)

We make these too!

We make these too!

Supplements meant to be consumed have different rules too!  They need supplement facts about daily values and junk.  Confused yet?

So lubes aren’t food.  Drugs aren’t food.  Supplements aren’t food.  Only food is food!  Follow the directions!  If it does not have nutritional/supplement facts available, it is not supposed to be eaten, chugged, or swallowed in big mouthfuls. 

And if someone wants you to eat it, ask them to take the first swallow.  That’ll separate the wheat from the chaff.

How ‘Bout Them Parabens?

Time to talk about preservatives.  This is a pretty touchy subject with a lot of big guns on both sides of the debate.  Let’s see where we go…

The first thing to mention is that preservatives can be toxic.  Of course they can.  Their sole job is to kill things so that our products stay fresh and usable.  Preservatives kill off nasty microbiological organisms like viruses, bacteria, yeast and mold.  That’s a good thing right?  Otherwise we would only have local cosmetics that have to be kept in the refrigerator and replaced every few days.  No more national brands and a big upswing in the sale of portable coolers.

I mean, how clean are your hands?  Pretty darn clean you think.  You think incorrectly.  One of my favorite show and tell demos when training new chemists is to ask them just like I asked you how clean their hands are.  Then I have them put their thumb on the agar in a micro plate.  (Agar is what we use as food to test for microbial growth.  Give ’em food, a moist warm place to thrive and see if it can survive.)

Two days later, I show them the plates.  And the amount of growth is always amazing.  All kinds of bumps and fuzz of many different colors.  Now we know with great certainty who washes their hands after using the restroom and who doesn’t.  It is truly an eye-opener.

Wash your hands!

Wash your hands!

So if a scientist’s hands which are washed religiously and covered with gloves aren’t clean, how do you think the average person’s hands compare.  Chemistry 101: A real chemist washes their hands before they use the restroom as well as after.

And you think nothing about sticking your finger into your jar of cream after a long day?  Ugh!

OK, so now we know that things are dirty and that preservatives are used to combat all the nasties that can grow on our skin.  So let’s cut to the chase and get to parabens.

parabens

Parabens: A group of preservatives (esters of p-hydroxybenzoic acid) used very commonly in cosmetics, food, pharmaceutical and industrial products.  You can find them on labels listed as: methylparaben, propylparaben, ethylparaben, butylparaben, isopropylparaben or isobutylparaben.  They were first introduced in the 1920’s, hit commercial cosmetic use in the 1930’s, were first listed as GRAS (generally recognized as safe) in 1995 by the US EPA at a combined percentage of 0.8% in cosmetic products.  The average cosmetic concentration of parabens usually runs between 0.20-0.40%.  And as with any material, it is possible to be allergic to parabens.

But in 2004, there was a study by Dr Philippa Darbre at the University of Reading that showed out of twenty breast tumors studied, all of them had parabens in them.  Wow. That set the press in motion and before long many thought that parabens cause breast cancer.  Why would they think that?  Well, it seems that parabens (butylparaben is the most potent of the family) have some oestrogenic activity.  Estrogen is an endocrine distrupor.  Disrupt the endocrine system enough, cancer can grow.  The test was published in the Journal of Applied Toxicology.

So on the one hand, there are a few studies that show a causal link between parabens and breast cancer.  However, those studies bring more questions than answers.  On the other hand the US, EU, Japan, the National Cancer Institute and several respected naturalists do not see any cause for alarm.  The oestrogenic activity of parabens is approximately 100,000 times weaker than a woman’s natural estrogen.

Give the public what it wants.  Several groups have reopened studies on parabens and more work is being. done.  We should probably ban everything that causes cancer, huh?

Did you know that all plants naturally produce p-hydroxybenzoic acid?  They produce parabens to protect themselves against attack by micro-organisms.  Gee, just like we use them in cosmetics and personal lubricants!  And guess what?  Almonds, apples, broccoli, cherry, mango and many, many more have potent oestrogenic activity.  We consume more parabens through organic foods than we get from cosmetics.

Fruit Basket!

How does it end?  Parabens have been used safely for over 50 years.  They are stable, recommended for use with sensitive skin and no link has been conclusively shown between parabens and any cancer or illness.  If the thought of using them makes you uncomfortable, read the labels and buy products with alternative preservative systems.  It does however remind me of an old saying,

“A rumour can run around the world before the truth gets its shoes on.”

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