Airing the Orchid (or Women are Wankers Too!)

Where does the time go?  It seems like I just started celebrating National Masturbation Month and time evaporated.  But no matter how much I whip the weasel, I always return.  Lucky for you the store ran out of oysters!

So let’s talk about the Ladies.  Wait a minute!  Women don’t masturbate.  They never audition the finger puppets, bruise the peach, check for squirrels, diddle the skittle, flick the bean, jill-off, tease the kitten and never engage in genital stimulation via phalangetic motions.   Bullspit!  Ladies have been checking the chowder since they were young.  Oh sure, she may have had a pillow named Lief or a blanket named Shaun, but she was always thinking of you.  Really!  Would a Woman lie?

So how do women masturbate?  There doesn’t seem to be anything that she could really grab and play with effectively.  After all didn’t Rodney Dangerfield say, “As a kid we were so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy I wouldn’t have had anything to play with!”  Leads one to believe that if he did get a lot of pussy, he had no idea how to treat it.

Let’s see a show of hands now.  How many of you love laundry day for the spin cycle, getting really close to the vacuum handle and why do cell phones have such a strong “vibrate” setting?

Everything is designed to help Momma relieve the tension so she doesn’t kill the kids and bury them under the shed.  Years ago, “hysterical” women received their vibrators via prescription from the doctor.  Please refer to this post: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/ to learn about how little medical science paid attention to women and their anatomy.  Shameful.  That is just one of the many reasons that Dr Tim inspects as much female anatomy as possible!  (Which reminds me, I really should call Debi Diamond.  Miss you!)

So what can Doc Johnson do for you?

Glad you asked.  You may have heard of Dr Susan Block.  She is a brilliant woman who loves sex, masturbation and the bonobos.  You can find a link to her blog here: http://bloggamy.com/  Do check out her websites and her live shows.  She is adorable!  I love this woman and have been a fan of hers for a long time.  Maybe someday we can share a chocolate chip cookie.

She is a good friend of Doc Johnson and loves the Original Pocket Rocket.

One of Dr Suzy's Favorites!

This little baby gives an amazing buzz to wherever you care to place it!  Buzz the labia, park it next to the anus and when you place it on your clit, WHOO-HOO!  These are so good, that both of my ex-wives loved this particular piece of electronic wizardry.  In fact, one of them would melt one down every six months or so.  Should’ve invested in batteries instead of Edsels.  Too soon old, too late smart.  (Oh, just in case you were worried about vibrator addiction: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/03/25/vibrator-addiction-r-r-r-r-r-really/

But that’s not all!  For a strong, deep throbbing pulse, check out this one:

Intense!

Now this gives you a deep throbbing action that will amaze, astound, and make you squeal.  Recommended by our own sales team here at DJ.  And since they are around toys all day, the fact that they specifically asked me to include this one should catch your attention.  I took one home and if you want it, you will have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.  Works wonders on my, um shoulders!  Yeah on my shoulders.  (Actually, it feels great on my lower back too.  Not that low!  Well, maybe, hold me afterwards?)

Am I moving too fast for you?  Let’s slow things down a bit.  How about we get in the mood?  Let’s lower the lights, play some slow, hip-swaying music, maybe pour a glass of our favorite adult beverage.  Feel the light breeze from the ceiling fan?  Relax.  Let your hand drift slowly over your clothed body.  Lose a layer of clothes.  All you have on is your lingerie.  Feels nice.  Oh, you are wearing your Good lingerie too.  Beautiful.  Lets open some body butter and slowly apply it to the top of your breasts.  So smooth and sensual.  Move to your tummy.  You are in great shape.  You must drive the men crazy all day.  If only they could see you now.  So smooth on the legs.  Long slow strokes as the body butter melts into your skin.  Oh yeah, your eyes are half closed and a sly smile spreads across your lips.  You know what’s coming…

Spread it on and feel the bliss.

Now perhaps you would like to reach for that vibrator, dildo or strap-on.  (Remember: If it’s from the Doc, it’s as good as cock! TM)  Feel the buzz, things are getting hotter and wetter.  The dildo slides in so smoothly and fills you up.  How about a dab of lube or a clitoral stimulator?  (Look for Spot-On, coming in July!) Or maybe you are feeling especially naughty…

Now you can do Cowgirl all by yourself.

Or just maybe, well he has been hinting.  Is it time to explore?  Oh yes!

Summer Loving is Backdoor Loving.

Just tease yourself.  You can wait all day, bring yourself up and down.  So close, but wait, catch your breath.  You know the longer it takes, the better it will feel.  Mount that dildo.  Ride it just the way you like it.  lightly touch your nipples, your breasts, that beautiful round butt.  Maybe a pinch or a slap.  Breathe deeply.  gain momentum, your eyes close tightly and then open wide.  Your orgasm crescendos reaching a climax that shatters your mind.  Your nipples are hard, you are soaking wet and slack-jawed you stare at the ceiling.  That smile returns as your eyes close and you drift off to sleep.  To sleep, perchance to dream.  Aye, there’s the rub!

And rub you did.  Well done!  Next time video your experience and send to Dr Tim so that he can praise you mightily and nightly.  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

So what if times are tough and you can’t afford one of Doc Johnson’s pleasure devices?  Not to worry.  You have plenty of options.  Remember the washing machine, the vacuum?  One can always place a broom or mop between the mattress and box springs for a quick ride.  (Condoms can also help prevent splinters.)  And even a door knob works well.  You do not need a toy to masturbate.  It is important to make some special time to yourself.  Orgasms release endorphins.  They help you stay clam, cool and collected out in the harsh world.  And having regular orgasms give you a sexy air that drive me (men) wild!  Cum early and often.

Of course having a good imagination with a rich fantasy life never hurts either.  I have one.  You can tell because I keep blogging as if someone actually reads it.

Well my hand cramp seems to have relaxed.  And I have four more days to “spend” in the bathroom testing new lubes.  I love my job!

Sexual Enhancements (Or Ways to Get Your Freak On!)

Hi folks!  This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson.  Below is the unedited version.

Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!

When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills.  Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience.  Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace.  However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements.  As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples.  Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible.  This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition.   If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.

By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots.  Watch that caffeine intake people.  And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible  information.  While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research.  Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new  favorite http://scholar.google.com.  Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too!  Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.

But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure.  There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.

Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience.  Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office.  It was thick, gooey and cold!  The field has advanced quite a bit since then.  Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors.  There are different types of lubricants as well.

Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater.  They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.

Water-based lubricants can be fun.  You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle!  Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring.  And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best.  There is a great variety out there with something for everyone.  Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.

Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available.  Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!

There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.

The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer.  The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray.  These are  applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation.  So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure.  In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.

Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body.  These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants.  Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play.  In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.

While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs.  And that is priceless.

National Masturbation Month Part 1 (I’m not jerking you around here!)

Happy National Masturbation Month.

You aren’t a wanker, you are involved in a world-wide celebration!  (Back to the title, I am not jerking you around.  Do your own jerking!  My hands are full.)

This week, we will look into the wonderful world of male masturbation.  You know, jerking off, choking the chicken, dating Rosie Palm and her five Daughters, whipping the weasel (my favorite euphemism), pocket pool, spanking the monkey, drubbing, whatever you call it the result is the same.  Endorphins, feeling great, taking a nap and more sticky, dirty laundry.  Gotta love those cashmere sweat socks.

So how do we do it?  Now that I think about it, how don’t we do it?

You can stroke yourself using your dominant hand, or use your other hand which makes your cock feel bigger, or you can sit on your hand until it goes numb before you use it.  That one is called “The Stranger.”  Which is great if you are short on time or in a hurry.  Which is fine.  Masturbation relieves stress, eases the mind, it gets your body’s hormones running normally and it can help you relax or even fall asleep.  Masturbation is a very important part of our lives.  But as with intercourse, we like to dress it up and play a little.

As you may recall, I am employed by the mighty Doc Johnson!  You have seen their toys everywhere and if you made it to the credits in a porn movie most of the time you will see a line “Toys Courtesy of Doc Johnson.”  And we have everything you need for your self-love exploration!  We have lubricants, pocket pussies, vibrators, cock rings, prostate massagers and more!  (For more about cock rings see: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/29/cock-rings-or-heavy-metal-for-your-junk/)

What’s that?  You’re a guy and don’t need a vibrator?  Maybe you don’t, but would it hurt to try?  Here’s the thing.  Vibrations can help you loosen up and relax.  But it can also stir your libido and create a “Dance in Your Pants!”  There are a couple of ways you can do this.

First, take a vibrating bullet, turn it on and tuck it between your butt cheeks right against your anus.  Sit or lie down and enjoy.  Feel the non-threatening vibration?  Feels good.  Stress is draining right out of your body.  Your eyes half close when the thought of Eva Mendez topless crosses your mind.  Now you are becoming erect and the buzz is feeding your erection.  Reach down and begin to stroke.  Oh yeah!  Nothing beats an orgasm while your prostate is being massaged.  You probably haven’t shot that far since you college.

Now if you are more adventurous, try a direct prostate massager.

Totally Awesome!

You will need some good lube.  Use lots.

Water-based but feels like silicone!

Now gently slide it into place.  As you stroke your cock you will feel it rub against your prostate.  You haven’t been that hard since when?  You will think that your teeth will be sucked through your body at orgasm.  There is even a vibrating version of the prostate massager too!  What are you waiting for?  Go get some!

And some guys like the feeling of a regular vibrator or dildo sliding in and out of their asshole.  You could get a strap-on dildo and harness for your pillow!  Different stokes for different folks.  More power to them!  (Remember this one: https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/08/29/strap-it-on/)

Beside vibrators, there are other great things to help us paint the ceiling.  Ever heard of a Pocket Pussy?  These are great little handheld strokers that can be shaped like a pussy, asshole or mouth.  Fantastic!  Some are even molded from some of your favorite porn stars like Vicky Vette, Sasha Grey or Belladonna.

Not only is she a hot fuck, she is a beautiful person inside.

Get your lube.  I know that some of you guys are still using Vaseline or Baby Lotion.  Get with the program!  If your partner comes over for a quickie, do they want baby lotion inside?  What is they are allergic to the fragrance.  Be a man.  Buy some lube.  Slide into the stroker and well, stroke!  But be careful you will probably shoot out of the other end through the cleaning hole, so have tissue, towels or a willing mouth handy.

Now as you may have guessed, Dr Tim has experiment with these things.  Oh how he has experimented!  For a tighter grip, I like to put the pocket pussy between my mattress and box springs.  That way, I can turn the pages of the magazine, use the remote to fast forward through the awkward talking bits of the video or spank those pillows!  Yeah, take it bed!  Take it all!  Every last inch Baby!  Although I admit spanking the pillows does not have quite the same satisfying sound…

So, we’ve covered the cock, prostate and ass.  I’d like to take a few moments to talk about your balls.

Your balls need love too.  Some guys like to have them gripped, pulled, tugged, twisted or vibrated.  Yes, we can help.  You could take one of those super stretchy cock rings and put your scrotum through it.  It will be snug, but the super stretchy ones allow blood flow so your crown jewels are relatively safe.  Have you ever cum when your balls can’t retract?  Your eyes will bug out!  And you can take one of those super stretchy vibrating cock rings and put it on so that the vibrator is behind your balls!  Now you have the grip and the vibration.  Does a scrotum good!

Of course you can get really fancy by attaching a short leash from the ring around your balls to the clamps on your nipples to keep you from straightening up as a fucking machine strokes your prostate, the motion driving your cock into the stroker under your mattress while being blindfolded wearing a pair of panties.  Not sure how that snuck into my head, but it could happen!

But take care of your balls!

Will have the women lining up to be tea-bagged!

Buy some Nice Nuggets.  It is a light lotion that turns to powder.  It will keep your boys dry and comfortable all day long whether you are a horse jockey or a desk jockey.  Smells manly too.  So give the boys a coat.  Feel around, enjoy your balls!  Avoid the crotch pot cooking and maybe your partner will be too busy using your junk for you to masturbate.

Next week: Female Masturbation: Truth or Fiction?

Cock Rings (or Heavy Metal for Your Junk)

Cock rings.  Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing.  (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)

What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?

A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region.  You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out.  So what’s the point?

It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer.  Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction.  You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up.  If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.

Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package.  It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian.  You should see the way the veins pop up.  Textured for her pleasure indeed.

But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal.  They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten.  But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.

1. Make sure you get a proper fit.  If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit.  Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them.  But metal cock rings are not for beginners.  Grab your junk and a tape measure.  Not the one from your toolbox!  The cloth one from her sewing kit.  (Or yours, I don’t judge.  Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…)  If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis.  You know, where she grabs you to get your attention.  Make it snug, but not tight.  Take that measurement and divide by 3.14.  This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.

HA!  Made you do geometry!  You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference.  And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size.  Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water.  STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!

So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through.  Told you to do it soft, didn’t I?  Get ready to Unchain Your Beast!  (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)

2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what?  Time to get hard.  It will feel rather strange at first.  Like someone has a tight grip on you.  Relax, it’s all good.  Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine.  You are a stallion, baby!  Don’t ever forget it!

However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes.  It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage.  And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation!  Now that would suck.  So pay attention.

3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation.  Go to the doctor!  And take the ring with you.

Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily.  Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection.  These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist.  Metal cock rings are not for beginners.

4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes.  Don’t risk your life for a fuck.  Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!

5. Be careful with your partner.  Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth.  Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring.  They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing.  Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes.  Trust me.

What else can a cock ring do for you?  Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing.  Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint.  You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson.  We have something for everybody!

Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings.  They really bring an extra dimension into your love life.  Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons!  (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!)  Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.

As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…

Vibrator Addiction (R-R-R-R-R-Really?)

Vibrator Addiction.  Next on DrTim.  Stay tuned!

The question has been raised.  What are the pros and cons of using a vibrator and can you become addicted?

From bumblebees in a hollow piece of wood to today’s finest metal, plastic and motors, vibrators are a big, big seller.  There are many articles on the history of vibrators. You should look them up.  I’ll wait…

Now that you are either completely knowledgable or thoroughly confused, let’s take a look at the vibrator.  Why does it exist?  Isn’t a dildo or strap-on good enough?

While vibrators have been around for a long, long time, most people believe that they were invented to cure hysteria in women.  Yep.  Only women suffer from hysteria and the only cure is a good orgasm.  Except, back then, hysteria was an excitable condition and women didn’t have orgasms.  Well, the good ones didn’t.  And after all, who isn’t calmer after a good cum?

We’ve come a long way baby!  So, in my warped little mind, here is why they really invented the vibrator.  It has nothing to do with the failure of many men to help their partner achieve orgasm. (Well, maybe a little. See my post about the Amazing Clitoris. ( https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/)

My belief is that it was either a well-intended lover who created it for their Lady or the Lonely Lady herself.  Dildos have existed much longer than vibrators.  Since the Dawn of Man, we have been looking for things to stick into our orifices.  Us and the bonobos.  We like it.  It feels good.  And we are all really sex-oriented creatures who if we could, would just eat, sleep and fuck like every other animal on the planet.  Blogging?  Who would have the time?

Back to the vibrator.  Dildos are great.  They are sweet, smooth rides that don’t pinch us or pull our hair during the act of masturbation.  However, they don’t move the same way.  I want to believe that the vibrator was invented as an attempt to replicate the heartbeat and quiver of your human lover.  We do not just insert and lie there. Well, the good ones don’t.  But just by being alive we transmit a hum, a frequency, a throbbing to let you know we are there and experiencing emotion.  A dildo is like a Honey Badger.  The Honey Badger don’t care!

But a vibrator!  Ah!  That hums, it vibrates, it has a throb that lets you know it is there and means to take care of business!  It can send your nerve endings into overdrive. Which brings us to Vibrator Addiction…

Does it exist?  I don’t know.  If you research and study long enough, you may find just as many arguments for vibrator addiction as against it.  As for me, I don’t happen to believe in many “ailments” of the modern human.  We seem to be, as a species, intent on discovering conditions in an attempt to cure whatever behavior we do not like in ourselves.  Why?  To make money and let the World know that it is Not Our Fault.

So why use a vibrator?

It is quick, clean, teases us just the right way and it doesn’t snore.  Seriously, vibrators massage our muscles to relieve the tension.  And a little clitoral stimulation is a good thing.  Some folks like to have a vibrator inserted deeply and feel the throb.  It’s all good.  You should buy one.  Or two.  Or twenty!  (Just make sure to look for Doc Johnson on the label!  If it’s from the Doc, it is as good as cock! TM)  Be sure to buy lube too!  I’ll tell you why:

Everything is better with a bit o’lube on it!  If you vibrate dry, penetration is difficult, and you may over-stimulate the nerve endings in your clitoris.  If you over-stimulate, the nerve endings will shut down and you might think that you broke your clit.  You didn’t.  You just gave it an owie.  Take some time to relax.  If you already had an orgasm, slip into a warm tub and soak.  And keep you fingers off it for a while.  It is the same with men.  If they jerk off without lube, the penis becomes a bit numb, delayed ejaculation, chafing and bleeding.  If this is the case.  Just stop touching it!

The lube will keep things slick and moving.  Can you become addicted to masturbation?  Um, I think we all are addicted to masturbation.  It feels good and releases endorphins.

Can you become addicted to vibrators.  Well, sure.  People can become addicted to anything if the set their minds to it.  (We like to use the word Fetish instead of addiction for fun things.)  I wouldn’t recommend using one every time though.  Mix it up, get a human partner, enjoy all of the sensations that life can give you.  However, if you can no longer orgasm without mechanical help or by masturbation, maybe you should talk to someone.  After all, humans were built as social creatures for there is strength in numbers.  But if you are happier that way, who am I to talk?  Be happy.  Sex is whatever you want it to be and as long as you are not damaging anyone physically, emotionally or mentally, have at it.

To sum up:

Pros: Fun, easy, endorphins, easy to hide, easy to clean, won’t hog the covers

Cons: Too much can numb the nerves, can’t hug you after a bad day, never cooks

So like I said, buy sixty or seventy and try them all.  But in my humble opinion, vibrators are the most fun if you use them together.

(Don’t be such a stranger!  Write to me!)

Why Use Lube? (Or Caution, Slippery When Wet!)

Why on earth would anyone use a personal lubricant?  Don’t you know that “If it ain’t Spit, it ain’t Love?”

(Plug: Watch for Sasha’s Love Spit Lubricant from that amazing manufacturer Doc Johnson!)

So, other than paying Dr Tim’s salary, why would anyone use a personal lubricant?  And why are there different kinds?  What’s the dealio?

First off, paying my salary to keep me off the street is a fine and noble reason.  Imagine the trouble I would get into if I didn’t have a place to go during the day.  Now imagine the trouble I get into playing in my laboratory every day.  Now try not to imagine me “testing” all of my lubes and potions.  Yep.  Keep me off the street.  Society will thank you later.

But there are serious and fun reasons to use a personal lubricant as well.

To begin, some women have trouble lubricating naturally.  This could be from a physical or psychological problem.  If you are one of these women, there is no shame in visiting your physician to rectify the situation.  Life is rough with all that stress of daily living, the demands of children and significant others, working in this economy and the joys of menopause can really dry you up.  You are the main reason that personal lubricants were invented.  Everyone should have a fair chance to enjoy sex.  And without lubrication, sex is a rough road to travel.

Technically, personal lubricants were invented so that the doctor could use a speculum or other device in his office without requiring the ladies to become excited enough to self-lubricate.  Dang decent of them.  Now if only they wouldn’t keep those darn tools in the freezer before using them on us!  In fact, one of my favorite lubricant ingredients was designed for pre-lubricated enema tips.  The tips were lubed up and set in an oven, uncovered for over four months.  And they were usable afterwards!  Although I would hate to have been the one upon which they tested them.

And there are lots of fun reasons to use personal lubricants too!  They work great with dildos, vibrators, strap-ons and can be flavored so that your partner doesn’t only have good taste, they taste good too.  And since we are talking about fun uses, let’s talk briefly about the back door.

YES!  Dr Tim Talks Anal Sex Again!  (https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/05/ and https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/04/30/interesting-question-caution-naughtiness-ahead/)

The anus and anal canal is favorite place to play for many folks.  However, while the anal canal is technically a mucosal membrane it does not self-lubricate the way a healthy vagina does.  You need lube.  Especially for those strap-ons!  Word is, that if you use a warming lube, it will overload their senses hopefully sending them orgasmically out of control.  Be careful, you have been warned.

So why are there so many different types of personal lubricants?  Why are there so many types of shoes?  Different lubricants for different needs and tastes.  Let’s do a brief overview:

Oil-based Lubes:  Some people use baby oil, Crisco or massage oils for lubricant.  Nothing wrong with that.  But remember, oils will rapidly degrade latex, you know, condoms.  Weakened condoms equal broken condoms.  Broken condoms can equal pregnancy or disease.  Pregnancy or disease lead to more complicated lives.  Keep your head in the game people!  Oh yes, these can stain your linens and lingerie.

And Heaven Forbid if you ruin their latex clothing with oil.  That stuff is expensive!  Oil works, its inexpensive and probably everyone has one form or another in their home.  I do not want to know what happened to the olive oil in my kitchen when my son came to stay with me for a while.  (I know.)

Water-based Lubes: Everyone is probably familiar with KY Jelly, one of the best-know personal lubricants on the market.  Not everyone loves it, but hey, the trend had to start somewhere.  So, water-based lubes contain lots of water, a couple of slippery ingredients and preservatives.  Just about any product that is mostly water needs preservatives.  Now some people don’t like certain preservatives and some people don’t care.  You may notice that some of the global companies use preservatives that are out of vogue, but have worked safely for fifty years or more.  Really, this is up to you.  Read my posts about parabens if you like.  (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/09/08/how-bout-them-parabens/, https://quantumcogitation.com/2009/11/19/parabens-part-ii/, https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/01/17/parabens-part-iii-more-info-still/)

There can also be nice things like flavor, aloe vera, chamomile extract and other fine skin care items.  Folks love these, but they can have a tendency to dry out (water, remember?) and have to be re-applied since your man is a marathon sled dog!  (Go get ’em stud!  You are a Stallion!)  Personal preference, you love them or hate them.  They tend to wash out easily.

Silicone Lubes: Now these bad boys are made from silicone and are different from the others.  Long-lasting, can work underwater and for my money, give the best ride.  Try Doc Johnson’s new iLube!    Drawbacks?  Well not all silicone is created equal and some are definitely better than others.  They could possibly stain your linens depending on the fabric and silicone is not inexpensive.  This is probably the most expensive type of lubricant.

Condom-Compatible?  Well, oil isn’t.  But water-based and silicone can be condom compatible.  But here is the catch: To claim that a lubricant is condom-compatible, it must be a registered medical device and have gone through rather extensive testing including the condom tests.  This takes time and a fair chunk of money.  If you aren’t sure if the company is telling you the truth, call their information number and ask for their 510 (k) number.  It is public information.  Or you can search for the company on the FDA website for medical devices.  But that can get complicated.  You techies out there shouldn’t have a problem though.

To make a long story short, (TOO LATE!) try out some different kinds of lubricants and see which one your prefer.  I prefer that you try all of Doc Johnson’s lubricants first!  Please!  Keep me off public access television!

As always: Write to me!  drtim@quantumcogitation.com

This Sucks! (Blow is just an expression…)

WARNING:  This post contains language which may be considered unsuitable to some.  (Even though you can hear worse on basic cable.)  Do not proceed if frank talk about sex and sexuality offend you.

Music time!  Grab your favorite skin flute or fuzzy harmonica and let’s get those lips, tongues and mouths moving.

Today’s double question comes from one of my most devoted fans.  She hails from the Midwest where people know how to entertain themselves when they get snowed in during the winter.  (And even though I have given her a toy or two, she has never sent me any videos…)

It reads, “Why do women have orgasms from oral stimulation faster than penetration?”  Followed by, “What is it about giving a blowjob that a man loves?  Isn’t penetration good enough?”

Where do we begin?  Why don’t we just “go down” to it and “muff-dive” right in?

Why do women have orgasm from oral stimulation faster than penetration?

To be honest, that is not true of all women.  I have even met a woman who refuses to let her lovers go down on her.  (That means: perform cunnilingus on her.)  However, there are many possible reasons.  First, her man may just not know how to fuck.  You have to get that special pelvic thrust to lift and stimulate the clitoris as you shake, bake and rock her world.  But then, what could be better than lying back on your sofa, cool breeze wafting by, a glass of your favorite beverage in your hand, with your other hand playing lazily in the hair of the lover kneeling between your spread legs giving you pleasure?

(Excuse me, I need a quick shower!)

The mouth is such a versatile  part of the body.  It can change shape, be sharp or soft, trace the alphabet with as much or as little moisture you desire.  The penis goes in and out.  It cannot tickle the clit as well or as easily as the tongue.  A cock cannot hum your favorite tune as it vibrates, flutters and dives deep.  The tongue can slide from the tip of the clit to the sweet spider and back without someone having to guide it.  And if you enjoy being tongue-fucked, then the nose becomes a natural clitoral stimulator! 

Oh the joys of giving and getting face!  And it gives the giver an incredible view while they are down there too.  Up to nipple-peaked hills or the rolling scenery of a beautiful tush.  And have you ever considered riding a dildo or vibrator while a tongue is in action at the same time?  WHOO!!!!

In college we had a couple of teams.  Guys had buttons that said, “I’d rather lick it than stick it.”  The ladies wore, “I’d rather suck it than fuck it.”  So you see, some people just prefer oral sex to genital/anal intercourse.  And there is nothing wrong with that!  The simple answer?  Oral sex is AWESOME!

Which leads me to my insight about men.  Straight or Gay, we all want our dicks sucked.

Why?  For all of the reasons listed above!  Vaginal/anal intercourse is amazing.  The burning hot juices of your lady (or the tight pulsing walls of the anus) scorching the skin of your penis just makes us crazy.  However, I have yet to meet a vagina that can swallow a penis and lick the balls at the same time.  Yes, men love to have their balls licked.  It is a feeling that I simply cannot describe adequately.  And the fact that you can play with our scrotum while you suck just puts us into system overload.  The many variations of manipulations feel so good.  No wonder why we are always playing with ourselves.

Analingus:  I feel that I should mention analingus, also called salad-tossing, kissing the barking spider or rimjobs, here.  Analingus is, of course, the licking, kissing, sucking of the anus.  This is a real turn-on for many and a major turn-off for others.  It can be an excellent pre-anal sex appetizer as well as a post-anal sex treat.  I know several folks that can climax just by receiving a good rimjob.  Personally, I feel that the entire body of your partner should be kissed and loved.  But I understand if you feel differently.

Please note: If taste is a problem, Doc Johnson (who pays me frequently) sells many products to alter your lover’s flavor.  Just a dab of Goodhead, Body Drops or Lick-Me-Licker will add a delightful burst of flavor to your tongue.  And for those adventurous types, look for Wendy William’s Salad-Tossing Spray.  One spritz and you will be begging for more.  Don’t be shy, buy and try them all!

Now someone mentioned to me that it is odd that a woman would ask why she orgasms more easily during oral sex but wonders why penetration is not enough for a man.  Lots of folks feel that way.  Sure it is great to give as good as you get, but if both parties are happy, who cares?  Lick and let lick I always say.  (Unless I don’t.)

After all, isn’t it better to give than receive?

See you all next time when we enter the magical world of female squirters!  Send your comments, questions, home-made videos to: drtim@quantumcogitation.com

Happy New Year! (And it looks great!)

Here we are again.  Another year older and deeper in debt.  But, most of us are still working, are relatively healthy and get enough to eat.  Yay us!

I get comments from folks that my job must be a non-stop thrill-ride.  That I must have more fun on a Monday morning than most people do all weekend.  And they are mostly correct.  However, there is also great sacrifice and dedication that goes into my work.  Do you think I would give anyone a product to try that I haven’t used myself?

No, I wouldn’t.  And I wouldn’t expect anyone to try anything that hasn’t been tested on myself or one of my lab slaves.

Let me tell you about sacrifice.

There are a couple of major trade shows going on this week and weekend.  There will be toys, lubes, dvds, major porn performers and more!  But do you think these things just happen?  Heck to the NO!

I spent my New Year’s Eve weekend testing new products with a most wonderfully open-minded group of like individuals.  (Some of whom you have seen in films…)  There were women, men, trans, midgets, all colors, shapes and sizes, you name it, they were there.  We started Friday afternoon and continued on to Sunday Lunchtime.  And let me tell you, there was no toy, lube, position, combination or video left undone.  Nothing was left unprobed.  Some products passed with flying colors.  Some went to the recycle bin.  Most were used up and worn out.  Just like us.

The lubes had to reduce the friction co-efficient adequately to facilitate multiple rounds of penetration of varying depths and rates of acceleration.  Which means they had to be slippery as all get out, fast or slow and last long enough for everyone to be happy.  There were all types of products to lube, eat and drink for every occasion.  (Most of which are still Top Secret so I can’t tell you much yet!)

The Good Old Doc himself went into sensory overload more than once.  And I am pretty experienced so that should tell you something.  It was probably Monday afternoon before the buzzing in my ears stopped.  Oh the toys!  The colors, the colors!  Oh the humanity!  Thank goodness they finally untied me.

But we did it.  For you.  Because we care.  Your pleasure is our business and we aim to please.

So next time you think we have some of the best jobs in the world, think again.

We do…

Resolved! (Is it even possible for me to be better?)

Good Old Dr Tim has come to your rescue and jotted down some ideas for 2011.  Give them a shot…

Resolutions for the New Year:

1. Enjoy myself more. 

How can I enjoy myself more?  Well, as the old song says, “Masturbation can be fun!”  Really, if you are single, partnered or married a little bit of self-love is a wonderful thing.  After all, how can you direct your lover to your most sensitive erogenous zones if you don’t know where they are located?  Let your hands roam your body, do it in front of the mirror, with your eyes closed however you like, but leave no inch of skin untouched.  Discover what a light touch vs a heavy touch does for you.  Ah, the things you will discover!  While you are at it, get a nude full body massage.  Personally, my favorite bits of a full body massage are my head and my feet.  Who knew?

2. Enjoy others more.

Take the time to pay very close attention to your partner and loved ones.  Just like you, there are probably things they would enjoy if they knew about them.  Give them a slow sensuous massage and see where it leads.  Pay attention to those out-of-the-way spots and build up the sensations.  Tease, tease, tease, tease some more, then taste.  Unbelievable!  They go nuts!

3. Try new things.

Buy lots and lots of sex toys sold by Doc Johnson!  Do it!  (Remember?  I work there.  ‘Nuff said.)  I have it on excellent authority that the Pocket Rocket is magic!  (I use one too…)

Seriously, try new things.  Share a book, video, sex toy catalog (hint, hint) with your lover.  Talk openly and as honestly as possible about new adventures.  Back door?  Yours or hers? Check out my archives.  There is an excellent article about strap-ons (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/08/29/strap-it-on/), anal sex (https://quantumcogitation.com/2010/04/30/interesting-question-caution-naughtiness-ahead/), the clitoris (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/10/15/the-amazing-clitoris/), premature ejaculation (https://quantumcogitation.com/2008/12/22/premature-ejaculation-what-too-soon/) and more!

4. Open yourself to love and forgiveness.

And start with yourself.  Nobody is rougher on me than I am.  My dear, dear friend Taylor opened my eyes though.  Once I forgave myself for my shortcomings and began to like myself better, well everything changed.  My eating habits got better, I slept better, I exercise more, weight is falling off of me too.  That woman probably saved my life.  Love you!  So scoff if you like, but it really can help.  And when you are open to love, you are open for business.  A good positive vibe is very sexy and draws people into your circle.  Several of them would probably love to sleep with you too!  Saddle up!

5. Talk to someone.

It is a wonderful thing to be open up and express yourself without fear of recrimination.  Freedom never tasted so good.  You are not alone in your thoughts.  Hopefully your partners can do this with you.  If not, do you have a friend with whom you can discuss anything?  A therapist?  Or an unshockable group of warm caring folks?  (Check out my Blogroll.  One of the world’s best is there.  I’m looking at you Dr. Suzy!)

6. Summing up.

To quote a fictional character from a book, when asked to explain the universe he said, “It’s a funny old world.”

So relax, open up, enjoy yourself more and you will see that you didn’t really have to change much at all.  2011 looks like it is going to be another wild ride.  So buckle up, grab some condoms, sex toys from Doc Johnson and full speed ahead!

And if you don’t find your favorite fetish discussed or have a question, write to me!  We can also go into greater detail about older posts.  I’ll answer your question and will probably dedicate a post to it.  My email address is: drtim@quantumcogitation.com

Naughty, Nice? (Or Nicely Naughty?)

I was out shopping the other day and Santa said to me, “What do want for Christmas?  Ho, ho, ho!”

I replied, “That will do nicely.”

Which brings me to the point.  Some folks think that you shouldn’t have sex around Christmas!  Can you believe that?

Let’s see if we can figure out why, so pull up your psychiatric armchairs and let’s go!

As children, we are told that masturbation is naughty.  Good boys and girls don’t do that.  The Bible commands us not to spill our seed on the ground.  (Which is fine by me since I have cashmere sweat socks.  Someday I will tell you their names.)  And so we become ashamed of our sexuality.  We hide it and keep our most precious identity hidden from the our family, friends and the world.  Our guilt grows with each stolen orgasm and we swear that we will never do it again.  Even though we know that we will.  And the guilt cycle continues.

We are also told that Santa does not bring presents to naughty children.  Well, that did it for me!  I was as pure as I possibly could be throughout December and my dirty laundry grew exponentially in January.  And I was ashamed.  Started doing my own laundry so Mom wouldn’t discover my secret and be disappointed in me.  Couldn’t bear even the thought of that.

But then I grew older, I went to college and began a journey, the stuff of which legends are made, into sexuality.  (Buy the films like everyone else.  They are out there on the internet somewhere.)  Turns out that sex can be even more fun is you have a partner or two!  But still, there was a certain hesitancy about sex in December.

Being a bright young lad, I appealed to reason.  “Look, there is four feet of snow outside. It is cold and we would be most warm and cozy if we both got into this pair of long underwear.”   Success was achieved.  I smile when I see long underwear ads and people wonder why. 

“But Baby, the wind chill is -70 F so you know your parents won’t be coming to your apartment.”  Success again.  Now you know why I love the cold.

“Don’t worry Darling, I will pick all of the pine needles out of your butt with my teeth.”  I really love the holidays!  The smell of a Christmas tree brings back so many memories.

“We will be the ony ones at the party with our clothes on.”  Have I mentioned how much I miss college?  This was back when the worst STD you could get would be cured by a dose or two of penicillin.  Those were the days.  Get in where you fit in!

“Your love is truly an amazing gift of which I am unworthy.  Please let me unwrap it and show you how I feel.”  Yeah, I didn’t feel so good about myself after that one, but I was young, hung and full of bull crap.

However, at my advanced age, the true meaning of Christmas sex becomes clear.  Unbridled, uninhibited sex brings two or more people to a state of pure being.  You are at your true identity during sex.  All masks, games, petty squabbles fall to the wayside and the one, two or more of you become a glowing bright blue spark of pure human essence.  Even if you are role playing, having angry sex, employing one or more of your official Doc Johnson sex toys there is an orgasmic moment when you are purely you.  And in my mind, that glow of humanity, stripped of pretense, is pleasing to G-d’s eye.  Holy and truthful we stand naked before Him, unashamed.

Man that’s a beautiful thing. 

It’s either that or if we don’t have sex, there will be fewer children and Santa will be way overstocked with toys.

Take your pick.  Have a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and the most awesome of New Years.

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