Dog Days of Summer (or Howl at the Moon, it’s cooler then…)

Hot enough for you?

Hey!  If you are going to throw things, either make them soft or made out of ice cream!

Back in the Midwest, when I was just a Baby Chemist, we had a saying in August.  Now keep in mind in those days Dr Tim was a young, strong, wiry lad with fire in his soul and mischief in his eyes.  I was working for the County in the Secondary Road Department.  Yes, I’m the guy that held the stick on the survey crew.  It was an afternoon when we were in the Shop to pick up some supplies when I first heard it.

“It’s too hot to fuck!”

Now that is really saying something!  “You can fry an egg on the sidewalk.”  “It’s hotter than Hell.”  “So hot my shadow was looking for shade.”  “That’ll melt your ice cream.”  Statements that we hear, but don’t make much of an impact on us.  But when a man or woman says, “It’s too hot to fuck.”  Well!  Can you seriously name anything that would prevent you from fucking if fucking was available?  Me either.

Now it is belief on mine that Humans are nocturnal by nature.  We were only forced to live in the sunlit world by the advent of the agricultural age.  People aren’t supposed to be out in the sun!  Sleep by day, hunt by night.  That’s living!  I thrive on moonlight and the sun is not my friend.  And don’t even get me started on vampires!  Cold lifeless sadness drinking blood to feel alive but for a night?  Awful!  Now werewolves, they have an abundance of life energy.  Living in the moment, intimate with nature and in bed?  WHEW!  That’s life up at the sharp end.

Back to the heat.  So if it is too hot to fuck, what are you going to do?  Perform 68 with your partner?  (68 – you blow me and I’ll owe you one.)  Watch “Scrubs” reruns and masturbate to fantasies of Dr Kelso?  Almost!  You can have a slow, easy wanking session using your Official Doc Johnson toys!  WHOO-HOO!!!  You know you love it.

But if you need to be reminded, go here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/27/airing-the-orchid-or-women-are-wankers-too/ or here: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/05/06/national-masturbation-month-part-1-im-not-jerking-you-around-here/

Seriously, Two hot sweaty bodies really screw up the bed. Especially if there is a power outage or your air conditioning doesn’t work.  Grab the sofa, your Sasha Grey Love Spit Lube (seriously, it is awesome!) and your Doc Johnson dildos, vibrator, stroker or strap-ons.  Lay back under the fan and tease yourself slowly.  Think about something that really turns you on and let your hands wander.

Need a long, slow deep-dicking?  Lube up that dildo, fasten that strap-on to a cushion or pillow and ride or slide at your sexiest pace.  Men, do the same with your stroker.  Use lots of lube, it feels cool and wet.  Add the vibrator that will tickle your private places without doubling the sweat on the sheets.  Ever sit on an ice pack while masturbating?  Try it!  You may just love it!  You know, glass dildos can be kept in the freezer for just such an emergency as well.

Or, for my fans that are hardcore, slip a few ice cubes or a popsicle in your back door.  Not only will it intensify your orgasm, but you will have the coldest experience since that one time with the snow bunnies outside the lodge at Big Bear during January!  But careful, this technique is not for rookies.  Hardcore only please.  Beginners should work their way up to this by fucking over an open freezer or over a 50 # bag of ice wrapped in a towel.  Ever do it in a wading pool full of ice water?  It is GOOD, trust me.

So it’s August, it’s hot and your partner is a sweaty slob.  Don’t let that stop you from having the orgasms you deserve!  Use a little creativity and don’t forget to take the Doc along for the ride.  Remember: If it’s as good as Cock, it must be from the Doc!  If rubber pussy makes you want some, call on old Doc Johnson.

Didn’t quite rhyme, but you get the jism gist of it.  Besides, where are you going to get a sex toy blog that has human evolution, werewolves, vampires and ice up the ass?

From Dr Tim, that’s who!

Cuckolds (or Hook ’em Horns)

An interesting question was posed to me this week.

Why are cuckold films so popular?

I have no idea.  However, I do know a little bit about the Hot Wife/cuckold phenomenon.

Some of you have already gone to Wikipedia to look up “Cuckold,” so I will just give the brief alleged origin of the term.  You see, there is this bird called the cuckoo.  Besides living in clocks, the female will lay its eggs in another birds nest so that someone else raises the offspring.  This is a similar deal.  Hot Wife goes out and gets knocked up by a man other than her husband so that the husband ends up raising someone else’s kid.  There is often denial of sex for the cuckolded husband.

How do these people’s minds work?

Lots of answers of which all or none of may be correct.

1. The stress of sexual relations is too much for the husband.  He wants his wife to be happy so he gives her permission to get the sexual satisfaction she deserves.  Very selfless and giving.

2. The husband feels inadequate and grudgingly gives consent for his wife to get what he cannot provide.  i.e., multiple orgasms, a large cock, a “real” man, group sex, etc.

3. The husband is unaware that his wife is getting sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

4. The husband may just get his jollies watching and doesn’t care for real sex.

5. The husband may be into humiliation and lets his dominatrix wife do as she please to torment him.

6. The wife’s sex drive may be too big for him to accommodate.

7. The husband is bi and gets off being the beta male.

8. There may be blackmail involved.

Some folks will say this is not right, but if everyone is happy with the situation, who are we to comment?  If they are unhappy, well hopefully they will find some help to change their circumstances.

We need to be careful not to confuse cuckolds with swingers.  A cuckold may be a swinger, but not every swinger is a cuckold.  In a swinging relationship, each partner has sex with however many people they desire.  In a cuckold relationship, the Hot Wife gets to have sex with however many people they desire and the cuckold is either faithful or abstinent.  Sometimes they add interracial play for more humiliation.  (Side note: Dr Tim does not believe that having sex with someone from a different race would denigrate anything.)

And do not confuse a Hot Wife with a Slut Wife.  Remember, the Hot Wife has a husband at home who gets no action from his lawfully wedded bride.  Everyone gets the Slut Wife.

A friend of mine who practices this lifestyle tells me that it is the toughest thing in the world for him, but seeing his wife’s happiness makes it all worthwhile.  For years, he told me, she would cuckold him by using toys.  She had him go buy different dildos, vibrators, lubes and lotions.  (All Doc Johnson products!)  Then she made him watch as she pleasured herself.  At first, she let him masturbate while watching.  After a while that stopped.  They purchased a strap-on and a male chastity device.  His junk was locked up and she would use the strap-on to stretch his orifices.  Eventually she started meeting other men and bringing them home to fuck so he could watch.  And yes, he does clean up the cream pies.  Currently he has been in that chastity device for over three years.  They seem very much in love.

How does Dr Tim know so much about his friends’ sex lives?  I get invited to either participate or hold the camcorder.  (I love holding the camcorder!)  In a way, I am a documentarian of sex in America.  I just don’t own any of the footage.

So why are cuckold films becoming so popular?  My best guess is that more and more people are finally becoming more secure in their sexuality.  Men want to fuck other men’s wives and “conquer” their husbands.  Some men want to watch their wives lose themselves in orgasm at another’s hands.  Some men have little to no self-respect and are self-destructive.  (Not nice to make the wives a party to that!)  Some men are submissive and don’t want rights, they want duties.

Some women like having multiple partners, or humiliating/hurting their husbands, will do it to please him or any of a myriad of reasons.  I also read a paper that explains that cuckolding is the first step in establishing a World Gynarchy.  Subdue your husbands and take control kind of stuff.  Scary.

If cuckolding is for you, go get it!  Just remember to love yourself and others.  If you guys truly love each other, there is no wrong way to express it.

Trade Show Fever (or, I am not an ANME-AL)

Well, maybe I am.  Seems there were a couple shows presenting “Implements/Accessories of Personal Sexual Empowerment Strategically Designed for Human (Singular or Multiple) Ascent towards La Petite Mort.”  (Sex toys to get y’all off!  On your own or with friends.)

Of course, I will be covering the ANME show.  That stands for the Adult Novelty Manufacturers Expo.  And since Doc Johnson is one of the Founding Five, we had a ginormous booth!  Yes, there are four others, but hey, this is about us.

Oh the glamour!  Oh the toys!  Oh the lubes!  And even some most excellent eye candy was on display for everyone to enjoy.  Many of my readers have not heard of this show because it is not open to the public.  It is, as they say, B2B or Business to Business.  Folks who sell to folks who sell to folks who sell to folks who use the products.  Manufacturer to Distributor to Stores to You!  Sounds complicated, but it really isn’t.  Just the American Dream in action promoting Freedom of Speech, the Right to Our Own Bodies and money.

Our theme was the “School Of Doc.”  We had a classroom where one could touch, feel and learn all about our very cool products.  We even had video in the background!

Don't Be Late For Class!

Oh Yeah!  We had candy in class.  Bet you never had that before, did you?  (Culinary and confectionary schools don’t count…)  And guess what?  We had a faculty there to show, teach and learn with you!

Nerdy but Dirty Faculty of SOD!

They may have been walking around with clipboards, but those rulers were never far away!  Looks like I am going to stay after class again today.  DANG!  (One great thing about teachers is that they make you do it over and over until you get it right.)

But it wasn’t all fun and games.  There were many serious meetings that took place.  Sharks circling each other, looking for weakness, waiting to pounce and close the deal.  It was tough, make no mistake!

Advanced Business Strategy in Process

The great part however, was renewing old friendships, remembering why you didn’t particularly like someone, seeing what was new and maybe getting a behind closed-door demo of some of the products.  Which, I must add (lawyers insist) that those games are not business related, just friendly slap and tickle between friends.  Those days of bedroom business are long gone.  Yep, everything is uber-professional now.  Business is business.  And playtime is playtime.  (They don’t call me Tim-Bone for nothing, you know.)

People just could not keep their hands off our toys.

Free-Balling!

Although that picture reminds me of my ex-wife and her female lawyer…

Needless to say, there were sights to see, things to do and people to meet.  I had a very productive day meeting with some clients discussing new opportunities so that I can get my boss that new Testarossa.  I’m selfless like that.  Ask around.

And since I’ve learned how to add pictures to my posts.  (Promise to learn how to use fewer later.)  There are some other folks that should be recognised.

More Sales People:

More of the Sales Staff!

The Director of Product Development!  (Everything is his fault…)

I'm not sleeping! Just listening!

And of course, the Big Boss!

He is The MAN!

So everyone will be seeing some really great new toys and lubes coming their way this fall.  I’d say 99% of them will be coming from us, Doc Johnson.  But then you might say I am a wee bit prejudiced.

OK, due to the news, I postponed the talk about SRS, Filet O’Penis and lubes until next week.  Guys can be such fraidy-cats about some things.  Me?  I’m going home and making lasagna!

Note to readers in Southern California.  Stock up on your Doc Johnson toys and lubes.  It is going to be a long weekend, so stay home and enjoy yourself!

3 Minute Poem (or, Why Can’t He Just Stick to Science?)

Yes, here is another 3-minute poem from Dr Tim for the holiday.

Why do I call it a 3-minute poem?  Because I refuse to take longer than three minutes to write one.  Cuz you see, man, if you take the time to re-write and edit, it’s no longer real.  It doesn’t have that organic flow and awkward meter.  Ya dig?  Crazy.  Here we go…

Happy Birthday USA! (by Dr Tim 2011)

 

Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness

Is what they promised me

To live this lifetime free and bold

Was my opportunity

The world says that we’ve gone soft

And we have lost our way

I say America still shows her strength

Every Independence Day

G-d Bless America, Her hopes, Her goals

G-d Bless our Troops so true

When Evil struck, to destroy our dreams

We bled Red, White and Blue

We do not cower, we do not fear

Keeping peace is never fun

But I can guaran-damn-tee you that

Our colors will never run

Now I’m older, beaten on life’s anvil

And long for yester-year

Yet still if you insult my Land

You’ll get a boot right up your rear

Yet on cool, dark nights

Perched high in a tree

I think of things long gone

Let me tell you two or three

For baseball, I miss Willie Mays

For potato chips, please bring me Lay’s

For picnics were the greatest craze

For the holiday, let’s take off the next three days!

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!!

So cool cats, next time we’ll talk about SRS, Dilation and why you need a good lube around the house.  Later Daddio!

Transgenderism (or Ch-ch-ch-changes!)

Warning: Know right now that we are talking about a controversial subject using frank, adult language.  If you are under 18, leave now.  Come back when you are older.  There may also be pictures…

Quick, how many different genders are there?

If you said two, you have not been keeping up with the world.  Let me take you, if I may, on a journey…

While we were all taught as youngsters that there were men and there were women the differentiation is not quite as concrete as previously thought.  Gender orientation is as fluid as sine waves.

Men on the Left, Women on the Right

On the top figure, the apex of each curve represents pure male or pure female.  As you can see, there are many different points on the scale and each one represents a different gender possibility.  In between, we have everything from A to Z.  Now it is important to differentiate between Gender Orientation and Sexual Orientation.  How you see yourself as a person is intertwined but separate from how you see your sexuality.  If it wasn’t, men would only want women and women would only want men.  But we know that is not the case.  Homosexuality and Bisexuality are well documented in humans as well as the animal kingdom.  However, humans have the ability to identify their gender.  Sometimes it is not as easy as you might guess.

Intersexed – These folks may have atypical sexual organs, creating a person who is not truly male or female.

Transgender – These folks live their lives as the opposite gender.

Transsexuals – These folks are transitioning from one gender to another.

Androgyny – These folks are gender neutral like Pat from Saturday Night Live.  (Created by Julia Sweeny)

It's Pat!

Let’s talk Tranny!  They are the mainstay of the porn industry and are a niche growing by leaps and bounds.  What makes a person transsexual?

Good question!  I have been studying some papers published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research.

“The microstructure of white matter in male to female transsexuals before cross-sex hormonal treatment. A DTI study.” (Journal of Psychiatric Research, doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.11.007)

“White matter microstructure in female to male transsexuals before cross-sex hormonal treatment.  A diffusion tensor imaging study” (Journal of Psychiatric Research, doi:10.1016/j.jpsychires.2010.05.006)

Basically, they (Antonio Guillamon’s team at the National University of Distance Education in Madrid, Spain) think they have found a way to identify transgenders before puberty with a brain scan.  In their study, about 38% of the transgenders studied knew they were different by the age of five.  This scan has shown significant differences in the white matter of the brain when comparing transgenders to non-transgenders.

The layout of the white matter development in Female to male transsexuals matches that of the male brain.  And the while the white matter development in male to female transsexuals does not exactly mirror that of the female brain, it is much more female than male.  Seems reasonable!  And that the white matter in your brain may not mature for 20-30 years, so a late-blooming transsexual is not surprising.

And I have this fascinating document (Progress in Brain Research, Vol. 186, doi: 10.1016/B978-0-444-53630-3.00004-X) called “Sexual differentiation of the human brain in relation to gender identity and sexual orientation.  It claims that sexual identity and gender identity are set in our brains before birth.  The sexual differentiation of the genitals takes place in the first two months of pregnancy but the sexual differentiation of the brain takes place in the latter half of the pregnancy.  Therefore the genitals and brain do not always match.  It goes on to note that social environment after birth has any effect on gender or sexual orientation.

Reread this entry: https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/08/sexual-orientation-part-i/

Now to fun stuff!  As you know, Wendy Williams is one of our favorite trannys at Doc Johnson.  We are releasing toys and sprays just for her.  She has graciously allowed me to use the photos she took.

Wendy Williams Salad Tossing Spray!

Look at her lick!  If you like salad tossing but not the all-day funk of underwear, try a few shots of Wendy’s Salad Tossing Spray!  It will give your loved one a shiny tasty ass.  Now get your tongue in there!

By the way, that ass she is licking is hers.  Yes, you too can have Wendy William’s ass in your bed every night.  Here, check out the comparison:

Sweet enough to eat!

Nice and tight!

Maybe her ass is too tight?  If you are a big guy like me, you may have to warm her up with licking and stretching.  Try out Wendy’s Anal Training Kit.

On Sale Now!

Wendy is not just a beautiful woman, she uses the products too.  Especially when she is preparing for a BIG movie.

And that's the large one too!

Doc Johnson is very sex-friendly.  We may not have sex the way you do, but we have everything you need to get it on and get it off.  Give us a try!  And as Dr Tim always say, unless he doesn’t, I don’t judge.  I just want to hold the camcorder!

Follow: Wendy Williams on Twitter – @TSWendyWilliams;  Doc Johnson – @The OriginalDoc

To Completion… (or Spitters are Quitters!)

Most of my readers out there are a wee bit younger than me.  But back in the old days before the interwebs, we had swinger magazines.  Basically people would send in ads where they advertised what they wanted sexually.  Then others would buy the magazine, read the ads, circle the ones that made them masturbate, write a reply letter, seal it in an envelope with the ad number on it, put that in another envelope addressed to the swinger magazine, mail it and wait for a reply and hopefully a nude picture.  WHEW!  It could take three to four weeks to make a hook-up.  That’s a  lot of mental foreplay right there.

But we aren’t talking about swinger magazines today.  However, there was a phrase used in many of those ads that will lead us to today’s topic.  That phrase was “French to Completion.”

“French” is what we used as a polite euphemism for oral sex.  And “To Completion” meant performing oral sex all the way to orgasm.  Not just a quick suck here or half-hearted lick there, but an honest-to-goodness, all-out, no holds barred blowjob from start to gooey finish and beyond.  Back in the 70’s, I never met a girl who didn’t swallow.  I mean, it was proper etiquette!  (Side note: As randy young adults, someone ordering french dressing for their salad would send the table into uncontrollable snorts and giggles.)

Swallow what?

You know what I am talking about here.  We are talking about semen, sperm, cum, jizz, protein shake, man chowder, baby batter, ball butter, pearl jam, nut nectar…

Today I hear the question, “Swallow, spit or dodge?”  And I believe that all cocksuckers have the right to make that choice.  After all, if someone is willing to suck your cock until you are ready to explode, well, cherish them!  Marry them if you can legally!  As a man with multiple ex-wives The Good Doctor can tell you that a lot of arguments would never happen if there was more cocksucking happening.  Free tip for my next wife: I can put up with doilies, pink bathrooms, frilly sheets, new curtains and a whole lot of crap if you are blowing me frequently.

So one might wonder why all women (or men that are so inclined) do not always swallow our load.  There are many reasons.

They don’t like the taste.  We can fix that!  There are flavored bj potions that make the cock sweeter.  We will drink pineapple juice every day, quit smoking and eat healthier if you promise to blow us.  (Cinnamon is good too!)  And please note, there are no taste buds in the back of your throat…

The texture is weird.  Have you ever eaten flan, sushi or jello in milk?  Now you are being a bit silly.

What is it anyway?  Now there is a valid question!  What is in that pearly, life-giving nectar?

I am going to keep this simple here so all you MD’s who write to me keep a lid on it.  Semen has basically two components: sperm and seminal fluid.  Each time you cum, you ejaculate 200 to 500 million sperm which only constitutes a couple percent of your load.  It is mostly seminal fluid which provides food, energy and protection for the sperm cells.  The vaginal canal is an extremely hostile environment for sperm.  So sperm needs to be protected by its super juice.  The seminal fluid has so many things in it for so many reasons that I will only hit the high points.  It has amino acids, hormones, proteins, zinc, enzymes, lipids, sugars and so much more!  And every component is important to achieve the sperm’s ultimate goal of impregnation.

Cum is fattening!  Sorry, but no it isn’t.  Now the amount of calories will depend on the man’s diet, his age, how recently he orgasmed and a few other factors.  However, a teaspoon sized serving of semen contains roughly 5-7 calories.  That’s right!  You can swallow it all day and not gain weight.  You would have to swallow over 115 teaspoons of cum to equal the calories of one Big Mac (576) or sixteen teaspoons to equal one serving of Dannon Light & Fit non-fat Blueberry yogurt (80).

Let’s pull up the psychological armchairs now.  Based on my personal experience, I would rather that my tantric engineer either swallows or dodges.  Swallowing is my preference because in my mind, I am my cum.  And swallowing it means you accept me and appreciate me.  Dodging is cool because I love to see my cum dripping from erect nipples or filling a belly button.  (But Not In My Hair!)  That also indicates acceptance.  You may not want to swallow me, but you will wear me.  That is very heart-warming.

But to spit?  That is total rejection.  It means that you only accept me grudgingly and that you do not appreciate anything that I give you.  Sounds strange, but spitting out my cum is very offensive to me.  Now if you have an allergic reaction to semen and it does exist, I would always be wearing a condom and you should have no objection to my cumming while you suck.  After all, it is safely contained.

And maybe that is the best answer for anyone in a new relationship or have a partner that just does not want to deal with our ejaculate.  Because if you are willing to fellate us early and often, we will do everything in our power to make the experience as good for you as we possibly can.  (Lick our balls too, ok?)  Because we want you to keep fellating us!  Really, we do!

After all, nothing says love more than “To Completion.”

Sexual Enhancements (Or Ways to Get Your Freak On!)

Hi folks!  This is a recently published article I wrote for Doc Johnson.  Below is the unedited version.

Do not worry, we will continue with Female Masturbation on Friday!

When we speak of sexual enhancements, many people automatically think about pills.  Indeed, popping pills seems to have become an essential part of the sexual experience.  Originally designed for men suffering from erectile dysfunction (ED), herbal substitutes have proliferated at an amazing pace.  However caution must be used before taking any of these supplements.  As many of you have seen or heard, the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has been watching this category very carefully and has been analyzing samples.  Many have been found to have actual ED drugs or their analogues in them! When those drugs are found, the product must be pulled off the market immediately and as much of it recalled as possible.  This can be very dangerous to your health, so please consult your doctor if you are under medical observation or taking any other medications for your specific condition.   If you are in good health, well, enjoy, but please buy your pills from a reputable vendor.

By the way, the same goes for energy drinks and shots.  Watch that caffeine intake people.  And when you do research that special blend of herbs and spices, be sure you read credible  information.  While there are many websites out there, not all offer scientifically sound and unbiased research.  Stick with sites that end with “.edu” or use www.pubmed.org or my new  favorite http://scholar.google.com.  Yes you may have to look up a few words, but if I can do it, you can too!  Street knowledge is good, many herbalists really know their stuff, but please back it up with science.

But pills are not the only products used for the enhancement of sexual pleasure.  There are many other potions, lotions and gels which can stimulate and please.

Personal Lubricants: Personal lubricants are a great way to enhance the sexual experience.  Many people had their first experience with these at the doctor’s office.  It was thick, gooey and cold!  The field has advanced quite a bit since then.  Now there are lubes with many different consistencies, sensory actions and flavors.  There are different types of lubricants as well.

Silicone lubricants are known for their long-lasting action, even underwater.  They can be difficult to wash off, but probably won’t stain most fabrics.

Water-based lubricants can be fun.  You can get them thick, thin or anywhere in-between. They can also heat, cool or tingle!  Water-based lubricants are great for flavoring.  And while you can find lubes with exotic tastes like black currant or kiwi-goji berry, most people love strawberry and cherry the best.  There is a great variety out there with something for everyone.  Of course, the downside of water-based lubes is that they can dry out and you may need to reapply or add water to get it going again.

Oil-Based lubes or cream lubricants are still popular as well, perhaps not as popular as water-based or silicone, but are still available.  Of course the downside is that oil weakens latex, so please do not use these lubes with condoms!

There are two more classes of sexual enhancement products to discuss; Anatomy-specific and OTC drugs.

The main OTC (Over the Counter) drug is the male genital desensitizer.  The active ingredient is either Benzocaine in a cream, ointment or gel base or Lidocaine in a spray.  These are  applied to the head of the penis, desensitizing it to prevent premature ejaculation.  So by lengthening the time spent during intercourse, the greater the enhancement of pleasure.  In case you wondering how short is too short, the answer is that if bothers you or your partner, then you should give them a try.

Anatomy specific products are just that, designed for a specific part of the body.  These include clitoral stimulation products, nipple products, vaginal tighteners, even deodorants.  Their purpose is to make you more excitable and ready to play.  In fact, that is the goal of all sexual enhancement products, to help you and your partner enjoy sexual encounters even more.

While we would be happy to sell you all of the products listed above and more, the best sexual enhancement we have found is an attentive giving partner who values your pleasure as much as theirs.  And that is priceless.

Cock Rings (or Heavy Metal for Your Junk)

Cock rings.  Not talking about a Prince Albert piercing.  (We can talk about erotic piercing later.)

What is it and why would anyone want to wear some sort of band around their penis or even their scrotum and penis?

A cock ring is a device that encircles the penis or the scrotum and penis to restrict the flow of blood through the region.  You put it on when you are soft so when you erect, blood gets in, but does not get out.  So what’s the point?

It makes you last longer, orgasm harder, your erection is harder, thicker and just a little bit longer.  Often these are prescribed by a urologist as a remedy for erectile dysfunction.  You put the cock ring on, add a vacuum pump and *claps* pump yourself up.  If your ED is not severe or you don’t even have ED (from the amount of commercials I see on the talking parlor box it seems to be an epidemic!) you may just enjoy wearing one.

Dr Tim’s favorite is a thick, heavy stainless steel band that wraps around his entire package.  It increases the sensation similar to someone’s hand wrapped tightly around my excitable bits, and the metal helps me channel my inner barbarian.  You should see the way the veins pop up.  Textured for her pleasure indeed.

But a cock ring does not have be made out of metal.  They can be made out of silicone, leather, nylon, rubber tubing and probably some I have forgotten.  But let’s talk about the safe use of cock rings.

1. Make sure you get a proper fit.  If you are using leather or silicone, there are a variety of snaps and stretchiness to give you a comfortable fit.  Heck, I have even seen some with velcro closures on them.  But metal cock rings are not for beginners.  Grab your junk and a tape measure.  Not the one from your toolbox!  The cloth one from her sewing kit.  (Or yours, I don’t judge.  Wish I had learned a bit more than basic sewing…)  If you are using a larger ring which fits over your cock and balls, wrap the measuring tape around the area behind your testicles and over your penis.  You know, where she grabs you to get your attention.  Make it snug, but not tight.  Take that measurement and divide by 3.14.  This will give you the diameter of the ring you need.

HA!  Made you do geometry!  You just figured out the diameter of a circle by using the circumference.  And all you thought about in geometry class was figuring out you fantasy girl’s cup size.  Heck, I even tried to figure out the water displacement if she lowered those magnificent globes into water.  STAY IN SCHOOL KIDS!

So you take your new metal cock ring, pull your scrotum (or ball bag) through first and then squeeze your penis through.  Told you to do it soft, didn’t I?  Get ready to Unchain Your Beast!  (Or as I like to say when being unzipped, “Release the Kraken!”)

2. OK, we have the right size and we got it on, now what?  Time to get hard.  It will feel rather strange at first.  Like someone has a tight grip on you.  Relax, it’s all good.  Look at how big it is, how thick, how hard, so amazingly masculine.  You are a stallion, baby!  Don’t ever forget it!

However, do not wear it for more than thirty minutes.  It will be easier to remove after orgasm, but long-term wearing could cause some damage.  And damage, especially if you didn’t listen to Dr Tim and bought one that was too tight, can lead to permanent nerve damage, priapism (https://quantumcogitation.com/2011/04/01/priapism-or-how-long-is-too-long/), gangrene which can lead to penile destruction and/or amputation!  Now that would suck.  So pay attention.

3. If your penis becomes cold, turns white or you experience loss of sensation.  Go to the doctor!  And take the ring with you.

Many cock rings have emergency release handles, silicone can be easily stretched or cut off and leather can be unfastened easily.  Several have a textured surface to allow minimal blood return from your erection.  These are not for those of you with ED, see your urologist.  Metal cock rings are not for beginners.

4. Unless prescribed by your physician, cock rings are not for folks taking blood thinners or have diabetes.  Don’t risk your life for a fuck.  Take care of yourself and follow your doctor’s orders!

5. Be careful with your partner.  Sure the cock ring can stimulate her clitoris, but if they can deep throat, watch the teeth.  Your playmate would not really like to explain to the dentist that they chipped their teeth on your metal cock ring.  They may get a discount for having skills, but this is an area that most folks feel uncomfortable discussing.  Oh yes, you may want to trim the pubes.  Trust me.

What else can a cock ring do for you?  Some have vibrators attached for clitoral stimulation or if you reverse it some great under-ball buzzing.  Some have an arm that will reach down and tickle your taint.  You know, it might be easier to go to your local adult emporium and view all of the wonderful cock rings from Doc Johnson.  We have something for everybody!

Guys and Ladies, you really should check out cock rings.  They really bring an extra dimension into your love life.  Why I have even seen women that put a cock ring on their strap-ons!  (Not in real life of course, but on the computer, yeah the computer!)  Functional in the barbarian kind of way, very psychological.

As always, play carefully, take good care of yourself and your partners and maybe next time Dr Tim will tell you what it is like when your Prince Albert gets caught on the shower door handle…

Erotic Spitting (or How Is It Raining in the Bedroom?)

Today I was having lunch with a beautiful, dusky-complexioned woman who was telling me about her weekend.  Let me tell you, this woman was HOT!  Think of Salma Hayek in Frida.  HOT!  And she was telling me about stretching naked in the sun before settling in the jacuzzi with her morning mimosa.  I love this woman.

Then she told of an encounter she had recently where her male friend kept spitting on her.  Interesting concept.  I asked if he was doing it for added lubrication (as I scolded her for not having her Official Doc Johnson Personal Lubricants handy!)  And she said it wasn’t for lubrication.  He was taking mouthfuls of water and spraying it over her chest.  I mentioned that I would love to spray something over her chest, and she touched my hand while doing the woman’s “You Aren’t Getting Any” laugh saying, “Oh Tim…”

But she touched my hand so I still have a shot.  (I’m a Guy. We always believe we have a shot at any one we desire.  Men are just like that.)

So spitting.  Interesting concept.  Let’s take a look at it.

Now spitting, in a BDSM context makes sense to me.  There are quite a few people into giving and taking erotic humiliation.  They get off on having someone tell them that they are pitiful excuses for human beings and how crawling should be their preferred mode of transport.  And there are those that get turned on by doing that to people.  Divorce lawyers for example.  It is meant to be demeaning and dehumanizing during a scene.  “You dirty little worm.  Take that”  *spit* *slap*  “Now clean it up!”  Very reminiscent of Golden Showers.  (Another topic for another day.)

Not for everyone.  But it clearly delineates the line between the Top and Bottom.  Female to male or Male to female doesn’t really matter.  However, they weren’t doing a BDSM scene.  This was your normal end of the bed, flat on her back, Feet in the air while he stood and played for par.  So why would he be spitting on her?

My first thought is that he watches too much porn.  Not that there is such a thing as too much porn, but if you are watching it on your cell phone in church, you may want to address the issue.  It is very common in porn today to see a lot of spitting.  She is performing a blowjob, pulls back, spits on his dingledorfer and then starts sucking again.  Or he does that while licking her bajingo.  Could be lube.  Or they could just be showing how hot and bothered they are and how committed they are to getting their freak on.

Or, as a very sexy blonde with major boobage suggested, perhaps it was an attempt at sensation play.  She could envision being very worked up, burning with desire and seeing an arch of liquid jet out to splash coldly on her nipples.  Yep, she had my undivided attention right then…  How about doing some snow-fucking and spraying hot cocoa over your partner.  The whole idea is opposite sensations to increase pleasure.  I will be spending more time with this Lady.  There may be a thing or two that she can teach Ol’ Dr Tim.

Besides, after a really great sexual encounter, aren’t you covered with all kinds of body fluids everywhere?  So what’s a little spit?  Some folks will never like it, some will just go with the moment but others will get a thrill and go back for more.

Be good.  Be safe.  No spitting, spanking or humiliating unless you are both/all are into it.

Party on!

Blizzard Watch – Los Angeles! (Or How I survived the winter!)

That’s right!  Blizzard in Los Angeles.  We filled up our gas tanks, we laid in plenty of wood for the fire and stockpiled groceries to the ceiling.  Deep down in our DNA we remember the arctic cold and foraging for scraps in our ancestors’ ancestors’ youth.

And what did we get?  Well, at my house we had about four minutes of hail (pea-sized) and if you squinted very, very hard a few flakes of precious snow.

But we Californians are a hardy bunch, bred from pioneer stock.  By Sunday we regrouped and pulled of the Biggest Award Show of the Year!  (Kirk Douglas is the man!)

Now we know what you folks on the East Coast went through this year.  Brothers in Ice.(TM)  In fact, twitter and facebook were filled with pictures of our single layer accumulation of frozen precipitation.  We were so excited that we resembled crazed weasels on stilts.  What a rush!

What’s that you say?  We are more Brady Bunch than Hardy Bunch?  I’ll have you know that my electric blanket was dialed to “3”!  And it did plummet to 29 degrees F too.  So how did I keep warm?  Hence this brief missive.

A reader asked me the names of my favorite adult performers.  Some you may know, some you may not.  But they were all very instrumental to my psychosexual development.  Just try not to read too much into that…

So, in no particular order, may I present:

Angel (don’t know her last name, but her skin was so alabaster that I thought she was albino!), Janie Robbins, Viper, Marilyn Chambers, Seka, Sulka, Jack Wrangler, Kelli Richards, Taylor St Claire, Vanessa del Rio, Heather Hunter, Christy Canyon, Gianna Michaels, Vaniity, Vanessa Blue, Olivia O’Lovely, Paul Thomas, Sascha (looked like Burt Reynolds), Gia Darling, Debi Diamond, Asa Akira and too many more to name them all.  There are some performers who I only remember how they looked.  Couldn’t get much information from the 8mm loops back in the day.  Especially on the truly kinky films where everyone was masked or hidden.  I’d love to know who those folks were so that I could thank them someday.  Anyone else remember when hardcore sex, SM, GS, etc were all in one film?

And thinking about them, recalling my favorite scenes and actually watching a few kept me more than warm!  These folks truly seemed to enjoy themselves during their scenes and enthusiasm really makes the movie for me.  I even had the pleasure to work with a few of them and enjoyed every minute!  You see, the adult performers who don’t really enjoy the work, the ones who never smile or laugh during their scenes, unless it is some hardcore SM but then those in charge should be having fun too, I tend to forget.  The ones who make me smile and laugh really percolate my hormones.  Love what you do!  Oral, anal, kink, BD/SM, straight, gay, bi, trans – live it and love it!  And if you use toys or lubes – be sure to bring your Official Doc Johnson goods to the party!

Today’s Lesson:  Adult performers are human, just like us.  Some are grateful, some are not.  Some are a joy to work with/hang out with and some you never want to see again.  Some love their job, others are just in it for a paycheck.

I love my job.  How are you doing today?

As always, send questions, notes, paypal transfers to: drtim@quantumcogitation.com  And if you are an adult performer who wants to be on my list for some reason, show me how you love your job.

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